How To Survive In A Dump: The Diary of Mr. Thaddeus

I am off from town of course to my own stunning home on the hill. I have acquired many beautiful and useful trinkets to smarten my household. It should be of no surprise to my most splendid audience of my excitement to witness the great extravagance upon my decorator's placement of these ornaments of joy. Wherever he may so please with my help of course. Even with his education in decoration I may need to place my own expertise over his at times as the skills needed in something so elegant and time consuming may be hard for him to grasp.

It in no way makes him inferior to other decorators as they would endure the same treatment, but he is the best as far as I am concerned in this part of the hemisphere. Not many I may add have truly impeccable taste at choosing men and women who serve in such a complete manner. I could say I am somewhat of a Mozart or that new Beethoven when it comes to management of my domestics. In the same way these musicians, these fine artistes weave together notes of all kinds to create a masterpiece I also create beautiful works of art.

I have the gift of bringing such finite, minuscule ragamuffins collectively to create something so grand that the King or Queen of England would bow at my feet in admiration. If they were to know of my governing within my own kingdom it would not surprise me in the least if they believed my rule to be so much greater use than those of royalty. Even within their own household. It would not be difficult for someone such as myself to keep loyal minions under direct scrutiny and order.

Of course with such a large population in comparison to my own mansion I would need men and women as generals of sorts to watch my battalion. Unlike these buffoons or royal nincompoops as I like to call them. I would ensure no violence against my own people from rulers in said positions. The only man who would be capable and given such authority would be myself as I would not want any other to believe some other person should hold such fear in the hearts of many. I do believe this nation or any other would be in such a better state if this were so. All things are possible I do say.

I am not of age as of yet but in due time I may persuade the masses to a vote that guarantees my acceptance either into royalty or some other form of power. It would be such a beautiful site for such a youth with grace, intelligence and manners of all forms to rule such a boisterous bunch. It would, however, take from my more illustrious position ruling over businesses that do require much of my attention. It may take some careful thought and consideration before I come to any conclusion on what I shall do. It may be that I wait until a wife, child or some intelligent servant comes along who is capable of carrying out the task of taking care of all of these regions and parts. Although it would surprise me if a servant could be competent enough for such a position. It may be that I may have to withhold from these dreams until a much later date as I am not willing to lose the mansion or the business that this family owns and will soon be in the sole hands of yours truly.

Upon entering my home from the elongated ride, it becomes apparent that the house has been cleaned thoroughly yet again. It pleases me so, but not enough that I would outwardly be thankful to such a degree that I would be surprised by my own generosity and give more than these servants could ever imagine. It would not make sense for me to do so. I could give you another analogy into why such a dealing would make no sense, but I have, I believe given you enough reasons for such throughout these writings. It would displease me thoroughly if after all my explanations, a reader could still not comprehend why I decide upon not at all spending more on the help and to not continue to think it a waste of my finances. If you do understand why I deal with such, in such a way than I applaud you and must admit that you are in the one percent of intelligent people that may exist outside of myself. Please do not think that in any way I have made you equal to me as that would truly be the definition of stupidity. It would only cause you to be no better than the miscreants that thrive like bugs in the heat of summer within my home.

CONGRATULATE YOURSELF!!!

Upon looking into my trinkets, these fine and yet beautiful metals, minerals and temptations that fill my bag I find something peculiar. A sort of key that lacks in luster but is not one that is found often amongst people such as us or any other within the town. It may have belonged to some pirate, or thief as the bronze skull upon its end would have me suppose. It may have opened a beautiful chest or some door to a ship and I could only imagine what findings it could bring. Gold, silver, spices or possibly clothes and special rugs specifically from the orient that would be considered a gold mine in these parts.

Such beautiful works of art would fetch a fair price and deliver such awe, that people from all over the world would enter this royal mansion to inspect and admire the craftsmanship of such pieces. I may keep it with me in the hopes that one day it may bring me to something that I would greatly desire. But first, before all this I must clean it and have something tied about it, to place upon my neck that would not clash with my radiance. For such a gift to wear about my physical being the way it is now would be like a dark slosh of a creamy, beef soup upon the white wedding gown of a woman betrothed to me. Such a mishap cannot be allowed.

I shall call upon one servant who I do not see often, of whom is very well endowed in such matters and could easily clean such a piece with such brilliance. It may seem that his touch was like the sun on a warm spring day, three days after winter. I have never seen anyone bring such shine to any piece the way his accomplished hands are capable of. It surprises me again that such talent can dwell in such a man who is only a servant and boggles my mind that such expertise is wasted on things beneath us. No matter. He will have it done in a most respectable manner and it will shine upon my neck like a diamond upon the queens wedding finger. A most magnificent piece upon a most brilliant person if I do say so myself.

But I must be off to bed. I will bring this metal key to my servant once the rooster crows and the sun dazzles my home with a most boisterous heat. It has been quite warm for the past few days and may be much warmer for the following week.