How To Survive In A Dump: The Diary of Mr. Thaddeus

It would not surprise me in the least to find them still traveling and enjoying their short, outlived lives. These humans that have labeled themselves both parents and guardians of this flesh and blood by birth. Although, I should give my butler with the white tuft down the middle some credit for his declaration to be like a parental figure for this young master. It is fortunate if I do say so myself that none of his "genius" or lack thereof has rubbed off on one such as I. I may have ruined my father's fortune and become an heir to nothing but the sky and grass beneath my feet. This would never do of course, as I would prefer death over something so poignant. Imagine a man like myself, if you will, in a state of complete agony and wretchedness. 

If I, such a highly esteemed and powerful young gentlemen were depraved of all my riches! What would I be then? I shudder at the thought of it. More so than using one bathroom over and over again or catching some debilitating disease that rendered me useless. Or worse yet, being compared to those dreadful, miserable, cousins of mine who are most likely in all their foolhardiness rolling around in the pig's mire as I speak or in this case write. I will skip part of my day as it is of no use to again tell you of what it consisted of. It is quite boring and to speak of such things is truly ridiculous.

Although I have said it was quite uneventful and to my great appreciation for once, no ridiculousness at the hands of my domestics could be told of even now. I will again bypass any useless information and arrive near to where I am currently, as this is but an afterthought. It may seem peculiar to you the reader, as most of my writing has been in the present tense, as I write what I see, but this was a peculiar thing. Even now as I write it still confuses me as to how it could have happened and may have been some sort of sorcery placed upon me by one who would dabble in such monstrosities...

It may have been a little after teatime and of course your extravagant lordship was again surveying the town, admired and possibly hated as one often does of greatness by the weaker subspecies that inhabit this land. I, to my surprise did not have the desire that often comes when seeing so many goods and services that would cause my wallet to explode in symphony and shower merchants with what only I could give them. To their dismay of course, and my content, as I passed by every door and it amused me to see their frowns and dissatisfaction. 

I may do this again at a much later time of course, as doing so at an earlier date may have them used to such behavior and I may not receive the same reaction that pleased me so well. But I digress. As I inched past the wall, an unusual happening occurred where my key seemed to pull and lift upward ever so gently off my chest. I thought it first to be some magnetic pull from a possible shop keeper's illegal merchandise, but upon further inspection understood this little key was headed in the direction of the wall. The same wall that separated these commoners from the gobbledygook that live and sometimes work as my servants.

 I, in my curiosity asked my driver to stop the chariot, as I had pressing matters to attend to and slowly lifted the key from off my neck, allowing it to float ever so slowly towards the wall. I followed of course, under the watchful eye of my driver who did not seem to notice the key floating in front of me. As most imbeciles I would gather would in a predicament such as this. It appears to me that such a man would ignore something that could be truly glorious in it's keeping. As I followed, it seemed to take a sudden ninety degree turn to the right and entered into a keyhole that fit it just perfectly. I cast a worried look at my driver who seemed none the wiser but continued to watch me from afar. It may have been better this way as this key may at some point open some sort of treasure that I would not wish for him to know about. 

If it were such a prize worthy of only me, he or my servants may know of it, and it would not be for me to wish for any human being to attain the sort of grandeur I possess. So I quickly retrieved the key from its keyhole and stashed it within my garments. Although I was somewhat surprised at how easily it fell from its odd, nickle, dome shaped home. Upon reflection it is a wonder my chauffeur did not notice the series of events in question. It does not really matter now as I may never wish to entertain the idea of opening a door and finding anything on the other side like that of these servants. If that were the case and this key was only meant for me to find rubbish, I would burn down the trash that these servants now call their home. Although it is intriguing to note that this door that my newly found key seemed to fit into like a hand in a glove was nowhere near the entrance to the gate near the main road.

 It may have been a recent addition to the wooden wall that towers over my head. However, this would not explain the floating key unless there in the door makers creative imagination, some sort of magnet that only attracted the keys metal were somehow placed inside the keyhole that caused it to react in such an in-ordinary fashion. As for the swift turn of the key upon reaching the wooden wall as if by magic, to insert itself into the proper hole and turn itself. As if a Specter had moved its weight from beyond the grave. It was truly astonishing and yet terrifying. I am in all honesty completely dumbfounded as to how this could have occurred. Although I am sure that with proper inspection, it would not pose a dilemma for me to understand the situation clearly.

 It would not surprise me in the least however if the original maker of the door and key opening had accidentally produced such a phenomenon unknowingly, as it would not make sense to believe that any human being in this town was capable of such a feat. Especially if it had not been conjured up by myself or someone related to us, or should I say, well, that I was born to. To give my cousins credit on such an achievement would be undeniably mind-boggling as they are incapable of logical thought. The only thing their brain seems to have invented which is that of any use is their ability to shiver on a cold winter's night. If I were to have no children and it was for me to give my treasures to any one person. I would rather give it to a servant than these bumbling buffoons who would be bankrupt and in debt before the day was through.

All in all, it has been an odd, yet extraordinary day that would cause me to believe that my curiosity may rise up one of these days and I may visit that fateful door once more. Curiosity has helped humankind to find many useful achievements throughout history and this may possibly be one of those times, as I am sure I will soon find out. Before I do decide to make such a trip to this uncanny place, I will first research how such a door was placed there. I am sure one of the merchants may know why such a thing had come about. It would interest me greatly as to how I never knew of such a development as most things are told to me and should not be kept secret, or the accused may have some problems of his or her own they may not wish to deal with. It is best, I believe to be off to bed as I am awfully tired today for some reason and will write again upon my awake. I shall seek my driver and have him head me home so that I may rest until the 'morow

Good night my poor and destitute souls!!