Tethered ? Awsten Knight

Part 1

"I think I need to just go for a run and clear my head."

"Alright, I think that's a good idea." Fran nodded. "You still coming with me tonight to Aziya's release party?"

"I don't think I would be much fun." I sighed and wiped my eyes.

I knew she really wanted me there.

"Tatum, I am not trying to push you, but you really need to get out of the apartment, and it would really mean a lot to me if you came."

It was for Aziya's debut album release. It was Fran's first client she had signed to MDDN. It really was a huge deal for her...

My best friend was a manger now - no longer intern status.

"You're right, I'll come. I just really need to go run." I said weakly with a smile. "I have to clear my head before I'm in a room with a ton of people."

"Okay." She slipped her arm around me in a hug. "Love you. I'm here if you want to talk."

"Thank you." I smiled bigger at her, then got up and changed my clothes, laced up my shoes, and headed out the door.

I didn't even know how far I wanted to run - or how long. I just pressed play on my playlist when I got outside and started running on my usual route.

Running helped clear my head and so did the music. I took it up after I quit drinking last year as a way to cope. Nothing helped like dancing though - but I wasn't in much of a dancing mood these past few days.

I was terrified I was starting to hate dancing actually.

I'd spent my entire life training as a dancer - I'd spent the second half of my high school career and all of my college career doing everything I could to prove my parents wrong.

Dancing was a real job - being an artist was a real job. I could survive on my own with this.

And I bet my mom was laughing at me right now wherever she was at what my life had become.

You only had so long as a dancer. I'm 26 now - turning 27 in just a few months. I was finally feeling like I had gotten my shit together when everything started to fall apart again.

Mom? Dead.

Boyfriend? Fucking some girl he told me not to worry about and I walked in on it when I came to visit just five weeks after my mom had died.

Career? Who's to say what that is now - how many thousands of dollars I should have in my bank account from deals made over the past couple of years. How much farther along I should be...

All I ever wanted was to dance. Tour the world with my favorite artists and be the best.

What do I do if I don't dance?

What's next?

I'm not even 27 years old and I'm having a midlife crisis...

I ran nearly four miles, turning back at two to head home and shower so I had enough time to get ready for this release party tonight that I most definitely was not in the mood for.

But I would do it for Francesca. She was my rock. She's seen me at my lowest - taking care of my spiraling drunk ass so many nights not even that long ago really.

I hadn't touched alcohol that much in eight months. Maybe one drink or two but I didn't trust myself.

And alcohol killed my mom.

So tonight I would be surrounded by artists and managers and who knows who else all drinking while I sipped on a Diet Coke.

Which was fine, I made the choice to stop drinking so frequently and I'm by no means an alcoholic...I just didn't like the person I was becoming.