Forever and Always (Sciles)

86: Scott's Insecurities - Part One

"Okay, but this has nothing to with you, okay? So please don't take it that way because it's not in any way your fault." Scott asks of me.

"Yeah, okay. What's going on, Scott?" I ask. I wanted to say 'I'll try', but I know that answer would not be good enough for Scott. I will try my best to not think of whatever Scott is about to say as my fault, but I might not be able to help it. I still hate what I did to him when I was under that love spell.

"Well, I guess that I'm just a bit wary of Moselle, that's all. I know it's stupid and unfair, but... I don't know, every time someone, especially you I think, mentions her, I can't help but see an image of you and her in my mind. It's not fair, I know that, and I know that you and Moselle will never be together again, but I guess I can't help but just worry about it, you know? I'm still jealous of her. Especially about how perfect she is for you and your kingdom. You should be with her, not me, but I'm too selfish to let you go, even if it means that it could possibly do harm to your kingdom." Scott admits sadly, looking down for a few moments in shame. I stare back at him sympathetically. On one hand, I sort of expected that answer, but on the other hand, I didn't. I sigh quietly as I try to think of a response. I move my hand to clasp onto Scott's hand gently, both of us forgetting about our breakfasts.

"Scott, listen to me. I'm sorry that you feel this way. You don't deserve it. I can see that Thalassa badly affected you too, even if it was indirectly. Anyway, you have no reason to be jealous. Moselle doesn't love me, I don't love her. I just love you and I will always only love you. I only want to be with you. If you wanting to be with me is selfish, well, then I'm selfish too. But you're perfect for me, Scott. I can't imagine being with anyone else for the rest of my life, loving them the way I love you. I still think you are good for the kingdom and you would provide it with a lot of good things. Like your courage, your leadership, your strength, your bravery, your fearlessness, and of course, your kind and loving heart that is probably the size of the whole ocean. I think that's a pretty good list of things that you can offer the kingdom. Not everyone would be able to offer that much. Besides, it doesn't matter how much you can offer. We love each other and that's all that matters. Forget about everything else. That can all work itself out later." I tell Scott firmly as I squeeze his hand comfortingly.

"Really?" Scott blushes slightly at my comment.

"Really." I reply honestly, nodding curtly with a smile.

"Thanks, Stiles. You always do know how to make me feel better." Scott admits to me.

"Good, at least it means I'm doing my job right." I smirk mischievously at my boyfriend. Scott just rolls his eyes at me in response.

"Besides. What Moselle and I had, that wasn't real. What Moselle and I shared is nothing compared to what you and I have. Our relationship was fake and purely lustful. I can see that now that I'm myself again, as can Moselle. There was nothing real about the love, we just had this desperate and unnecessary need to be together and die for each other to be together forever. It lacked the love, emotion, passion, intimacy, realness and just all of the amazingness that I have when I'm with you." I explain to Scott, being completely honest with him about it, because I think we both need that.

"When I truly saw you for the first after the cure had finally worked on me, I was wondering how the hell could I have ever thought Moselle was anything compared to you, even with all the strong magic and love potion stuff. I also couldn't believe that you hadn't given up on me, which just made me love you more." I add.

"If you're worried about there ever being a doubt in my mind about who I love, don't worry about it, Scott. It's you, it has always been you. I will always love you, no matter what happens." I conclude, glad to get that off my chest, but I suddenly feel a hundred times more emotional now. There are tears forming in my eyes. It's okay though, because Scott is crying too.

"I love you too." Scott whispers shakily, but I hear him just fine.

"We're going to be okay." I tell Scott firmly, intensely believing the hell out of my own statement. I'll make things okay. I will do anything to make things right. I'll keep telling Scott and proving to Scott that I love him each day.

"I know." Scott replies in a quiet and calm voice, a soft smile on his face. He squeezes my hand back in response.

~~~

Eventually, Kara and Dad finally do come down for breakfast. Somehow, they didn't hear our... Activities earlier. That or they're just trying not to think about it, pushing the thoughts out of their minds, which is fair enough. I hope they were just in a really deep sleep though. I tell Dad and Kara that I have my eyesight back and they're overjoyed. More tears are shed and there is a lot of hugging and relieved sobs. Both my dad and Kara are happy for me and tell me that they knew things would work out in the end. Then, the four of us have one massive group hug and I finally start to think that things are beginning to look okay again. Everything seems to be falling into place. Sure, there are still some bumps to take care of, but generally, the worst part seems to be over now, thank god. Now we just have to deal with the aftermath. It's not fun, but we can manage it, I guess.

Later that day, Scott calls a pack meeting at Derek's loft. We drive there in my jeep, Kara tagging along with us. Once everyone is there, I tell them the good news. They seem just as happy as me about getting my eyesight back. Some terrible jokes and puns about being blind are made in between the relief and joy. All in all, it turns out to be a pretty good day. I definitely feel hugged out though. I also think that I've cried enough tears for about five entire lifetimes. Maybe I can finally get a bit of a break from it. Maybe. Mm, probably not. Something else terrible is probably going to happen soon and it'll send me into an uncontrollable sobbing mess. Well, that's what I'm guessing anyway. This town never wants to remain peaceful for too long, it seems. It sucks, but I guess we get used to it somehow. I wish I didn't have to be used to it. I just hope that the next disaster won't be as horrible as this one was. I think that I'll be okay through any future disasters, just as long as I have Scott, my friends and my family by my side. We can handle anything.

The next day though, I decide that I should try and do something about Scott's doubts. It doesn't seem like what I'm saying is making too much of an impact. I'm trying to start thinking of a long term solution for that, which would allow me to prove my love for him and no one else and show him that I'm committed to him and no one else. For now though, I think that it'll be great if my dad got to talk to Scott. I would hope that the message will sink in for Scott, and maybe he can truly believe it eventually. Slowly, I am starting to accept that what happened with Moselle was not my fault and that there is no use beating myself up for it, especially when no one else blames me in the slightest either. The memories still haunt me, but I think with some more time, I'll come to learn how to fully forgive myself for that. I want Scott to have the same sort of experience and realize that he is worth every little bit of pain and difficulty to me.

I talk to Dad about it, giving him the suggestion of talking to Scott. Dad agrees that it's a good idea and that he also hopes that Scott will be able to see how much he really does offer and how much he does mean to our family and our kingdom. I just hate seeing Scott so down about this and insecure about himself. I'm not doing too much better than him, but I am trying to improve and Scott is helping me through it, so I want to help him too.

Suddenly, I hear a knock on the door. Dad and I glance towards the direction of the noise.

"That will be Scott." I inform my dad, who nods in understanding.

"Alright, I'll go talk to him." Dad replies.

"Kara and I will leave out the back so you two can have your privacy to talk." I say before I get up from the table and start to exit the room to go and get Kara.