Please Don't Go

     James wanted to finish making breakfast before telling me all the details. We sat down at the table, he hesitated before speaking.

     "Cole was almost home when it happened. The other driver... he was drunk and wasn't paying any attention. He ran straight into Cole. A piece of metal shrapnel flew off the truck to hit Cole in the shoulder."

"They discovered that his air bag did not properly eject due to the way the truck hit him. If it would've ejected properly, he would've had a better chance at surviving."

     I was sobbing at this point.

     If that damn drunkard had been paying attention,no one one would've gotten hurt.

     I was enraged. Why couldn't people get it through their thick skulls not to drive if you are drunk.

"Lilliana, don't blame yourself for what happened to Cole. It was an accident, no one could've prevented it."

"I could've James. I could've," I managed between sobs. "If I wasn't so selfish, he wouldn't have been in the crash." He sighed.

"Please stop blaming yourself for it. You didn't do anything wrongs. Bad things happen to good people, so please, don't do this to yourself." I knew he was right, but I still felt guilty.

"They will be having the funeral Wednesday... and you should go through his things sometime soon."

I didn't want to face the reality of what happened, but life still moved on. The world wouldn't stop for one person.

"Okay. I'll try to do it this week. Just... not yet."

"I'm here for you Lilliana. I mean it." I gave him a weak smile.

After breakfast, James left me to my thoughts. All's I did was cry, and it was like that the entire week.

WEDNESDAY

      Today's his funeral. Today is the day we put the love of my life... in the ground. I wept. 

     I looked at myself in the mirror, I was a literal train wreck. My eyes were red and swollen from crying so much. Not to mention the bags under my eyes from the sleepless nights. I put on my black dress. It was a simple dress, all black, no sequins or anything special. It was very modest, a boat neckline with sleeves to my elbows. It also went past my knees.

     I skipped breakfast. I knew if I ate anything, I'd throw it all up. James said he would pick me up and drive me there. He said he didn't want me driving with my current state of mind. He was right though. I shouldn't be driving. He arrived at 10am.

     "Have you eaten?" I lied.

     "Yes. I'm all good." He knew I was lying.

     "Lilliana, your can't starve yourself. It's not good for your body. You of all people oughta know that."

     "James, I'm really not hungry. If I eat, I know I will throw up during the funeral. So please, don't force me. After the funeral, we can see about getting food."

     "Okay. Can you at least eat an apple?" He was determined.

     "No."

     The rest of the car ride was silent. Neither one of us spoke. Coles parents wanted the funeral to go by quickly. There would be no open casket and we were told the funeral would only last thirty minutes tops.

     Words were said, but I didn't hear any of them. I just stared at the casket, waiting for someone to tell me this was just a really bad nightmare. However, I knew it wasn't. I cried into James' shoulder.

     What would I do if James wasn't here? I would probably be dead because I wouldn't take care of myself.

     "Thank you James, for all of it." He nodded and wrapped his arm around me.

     We then headed to the gravesite where Cole would be buried. More words were said. I stayed and watched them put the casket in the ground. I was sobbing.

     James suggested we head back to the car, I nodded in agreement. I just wanted to go home and put some of Coles clothes on. James wrapped his arm around my shoulder and I leaned into him for support. As we headed for the car, we were stopped by Mrs. Russo.

     "What's this? My son dies and you just move on dating his best friend? Lilliana, you are nothing but a whore. A lying, cheating, murdering, WHORE!" I stood there in silence.

     Is that what she really thought of me?

     "Cole loved you, and you kill him so you can date his best friend? How shameless are you? No wonder you refused to sleep with Cole, you were che-

     "Mrs. Russo, I think you've said enough. Come one Lilliana, let's go." James grabbed my arm and started dragging me, but Mrs. Russo stopped him and slapped him across the face. I gasped, covering my mouth with my hand.

     "I trusted the both of you, COLE trusted you, and you betrayed him! I welcomed you into my home, and you just toss my son aside. You make lies saying that Cole wanted Lilliana to be the one to go through his things, when you just wanted to take his stuff and sell it." Tears rolled down my cheeks. I didn't understand.

     "You are a piece of shit James. And you," she marched right up into my face. "I can't believe I wanted you to be my daughter. I should've never stopped André from choking you. You should've died." She went to slap my face but James caught her hand midway.

     "You can hit me all you want, but I will not allow you to hit her. I don't know what possessed you to think we betrayed Cole, but Lilliana and I are friends and loved Cole very much. We would never betray him. I promised Cole to look after her, so watch your tone." She jerked her hand out of his grasp.

     "I hope to never see either of you ever again." She stormed away.

     James looked at me pitifully. He had to practically drag me to the car. I didn't say a word on the way back to my house. James offered to stop and get food, but I didn't want anything. I felt sick, the thought of eating repulsed me.

     When we reached my house, I just sat there, staring.

     "Lilliana? This is you." His voice jerked me out of my trance.

     "Thanks James." I opened the door and headed to leave but He grabbed my wrist.

     "You okay? Do you need me to stay?" He looked deep into his eyes.

    "It's okay. I'm fine. Besides, I don't want people getting the wrong idea." I gently pulled my wrist out of his grasp.

     "Lilliana! You can't take what she said to heart.  She's angry, she needed someone to blame."

     "Well I am to blame James. Thanks for the ride." I shut the car door and headed for the house. I heard James get out of the car.

     "Lilliana! Come on. Don't be like this. Don't shut me out." He grabbed my wrist again, but this time I jerked away.

     "NO JAMES. Stop," Tears filled my eyes, making my vision blurry. "Just...stop." I whimpered. I turned away and rushed inside, leaving him there.

     I slammed the door behind me and sobbed. I didn't want to be mean to James, but I didn't want people getting the wrong idea of our friendship. I heard James' car start and drive away.

     "I'm sorry... I'm sorry James." I whispered to myself.