Twisted in Ties (Loki x OC)

Chapter 102

"I never understood it either, but all I know is that she loved me even when I didn't deserve it and now everything that made me into something other than the monster that I was is gone!" I paused. I could see the tears in his eyes beginning to form. He took in a shaky breath. "I-I thought that if I had her, but I never let myself get in too deep, I could win no matter how it ended... I thought that I could use her affection to show her why I wanted things like I did, but...I was such an idiot for never once considering that I might've been wrong." I frowned.

"Loki...why have you never said any of this before?"

"...Because...I hate admitting when you're right." He said with a sad chuckle. "You're right...I just wanted something to make myself feel better...and I hurt her so badly..." The tears were getting worse and so was the shakiness in his voice. "At the start of when she'd left, I barely ever changed back into myself. I didn't want to face the fact that I'd driven her away. I denied everything and told myself that she wasn't honestly worth it, but...I knew that was a lie too."

He sat back down, letting his face fall into his hands. I felt my heart sink a little. I'd figured his anger had been coming from his grief, but now I understood why he was truly upset. I'd never seen him admit to feeling this guilty over someone.

"So I buried it all with everything Asgard could offer me, even the stupid story I'd made up for show just to make myself feel like I was a better person than what I actually was."

"Brother..." I tried to think of what to say. "I mean...in truth, you weren't all that bad!" I tried to reassure him. He didn't look very convinced or appreciative of that statement. "No, no, I'm serious! Look, you, you, uh...you did keep Asgard in good condition and the people were prospering for the most part! Uh, you...you told her the truth! You didn't let her believe you were gone! Because you cared! You cared enough about her feelings and you trusted her! That's a good thing!"

"She claimed that I used her...an extra form a precaution to keep my lie from being exposed."

"Well...that might be slightly true, but you did still care about her. I mean, you showed her you cared in plenty of ways! You both had that date together, right? And it was your idea, wasn't it?"

"...I suppose there's one thing."

"Oh, come on, Loki! You did lots of things for her! You gave her Silk! That's big! Um...oh! You gave her gifts like gowns and jewelry and you gave her that dagger!"

"But what if that was just me trying to convince her I cared? What if all of it meant nothing?"

"Meant nothing? Are you kidding me? Loki, it meant the world to her! And I know that it meant the same to you."

"How so?" He muttered.

"Because you wouldn't regret it if it didn't mean something. You wouldn't question or care about it at all if it meant nothing to you." He paused for a moment. I kept going. "Loki, even if you might have gone about it in the wrong ways at times...well, okay, in very wrong ways at times, you still loved her. And she loved you more than anyone. If she didn't, she would've moved on from you a lot quicker than she did. And honestly, I don't think she ever truly got over it. She missed you. Everyone could see that she missed you. Even if we didn't know it was you she was missing."

"...Really?" There was a hint of hope in his eyes. I smiled.

"Brother, if there's one thing I know is true about her, it's that she would never give her heart to someone that she didn't feel was worth it. And she never hesitated to show you her vulnerabilities. Granted, yes, sometimes it was accidental, but she could hide things if she wanted to. Yes, you're better at seeing those sorts of things, but if she didn't trust you she never would've treated you the way she did, even when we were working together to defeat Malekith. She wouldn't have been so relaxed with you there if she didn't trust you. In fact, I think she was relaxed because she trusted you. And...personally, I wish I had the ability to learn from someone like that. I wish I had understood what she did before too."

For a moment, he only returned my gaze, seeming confused and scared almost. His gaze fell as the tears came back once more. He bit his lip, looking lost.

"But what if I could've done something differently? What if I could've changed this? If I hadn't been so...i-if I had just listened to her..."

"No, no, shh. It's alright, brother." I told him.

"I-it's my fault. I know it's my fault..."

"It's not your fault. And she would smack you if she were here for saying that." I gave him a hug. "I...I know how you feel, Loki. Even if it doesn't seem like it, I know. I felt this way for five years over you two. I know it's terrible feeling like you could've done more or done something differently, but we can't always stop something from happening. If there were a way to bring her back, I know that you and I both would be doing it, but...I'm not certain that would be the safe thing to do."

"...I just don't believe that there was nothing I could do..." I frowned, rubbing his back slightly.

"No matter how you feel, I'm here. We're in this together, Brother, side by side." He said nothing, simply letting himself cry in front of me as I comforted him. "I promise I'll stay by your side."