Fighting Bleeding Losing | Yeongyu / Beomjun

Yeonjun

"What the hell. Yeonjun at the freaking library?" A voice broke the comforting silence of the school's library. "Shut it Yunho, we're not friends." Yeonjun hissed at the boy.

He was there with his friends ; San, Changmin, Jacob and Sunwoo. Actually he was always with his friends, it was unusual to see one without another. And Yeonjun hated it. He hated how perfect they were. A perfect group with perfect friends, perfect boys with a perfect smile, and perfect skills, and perfect at dancing, and perfect at school, and perfect at just everything.

"Shh!" One of the unknown student exclaimed as he tried to read his stupid book. But Yunho only smirks as an answer. "Sorry" His friend, Jacob, whispered to the other student.

"It's just really unusual to see you there. Well it's unusual to see you at school." Yunho scoffed quietly, earning a disapproving glare from San but he didn't seem to care at all because he continued "You're going to fail your year again ? I mean I don't even know how you passed last year, you were never in school. Hell you didn't even come one day from January to Marsh." Yeonjun hated the way Yunho was speaking to him with a condescending look.

But Yeonjun didn't answer. He wasn't going to give it that easily, Yunho just wanted to make him angry and even if it was working so damn well Yeonjun wasn't going to beat him here, in the library, and get expelled of the school.

"Why ? You were too busy getting in every girls' pants ? Three months straight doing nothing because you're lazy while we were crawling under the work." San tried to shush Yunho but the taller boy only kept going, visibly enjoying messing with Yeonjun.

"I'm not lazy." Yeonjun defended himself, trying to keep his voice quiet. "You are. The only thing you do is drink, smoke and fuck random girls." Yunho replied, laughing a little when he saw Yeonjun's face. The said boy was shivering of anger, he wanted to scream, to punch Yunho, to wipe his smile off, to throw his chair on him and to break his legs so he couldn't dance anymore.

"Shut up shut up shut up" Yeonjun weakly replied. "It hurts you because it's true, right?" Yunho added, his smirk widening.

"I am not lazy ! I didn't spend three months doing nothing!" Yeonjun snapped, his voice getting slightly louder as one of his leg was shaking and his hands were forming balls.

Changmin only looked up after Yeonjun's yell. "Yunho let him alone" Changmin advised quietly, grabbing his tall friend's hand. "You shut the fuck up !" Yeonjun lowly growled, anger taking possession of his body. "I hate you" Yeonjun murmured to Changmin, only loud enough for the latter to hear. The boy raised a single eyebrow, surprised by Yeonjun's behavior, he didn't do anything except trying to calm Yunho down so why would Yeonjun hate him ?

"I'm trying to be better. I'm really trying." Yeonjun broke down, his anger turning into sadness. "Try harder." Yunho spat. Yeonjun, not wanting to cry in the middle of the library, turned his heels and walked away, basically running to his dorm.

'Only weak boys cry. I am not weak... I am not weak. I'm not.' Yeonjun screamed in his head, running faster and faster until he was in front of his dorm's door, panting and cheeks red. He banged his head against the door, mumbling some incoherent things.

At this moment, he hated everyone. He hated Yunho, the latter was a fucking liar and he made Yeonjun remember of what happened last year. Also, the boys was getting on his nerves every single days because of his attitude.
He disliked Jacob because he was too sweet with everyone except him, like if he'd done something wrong to the latter. Besides, he was just the definition of perfection and Yeonjun hated perfection.
He despised even more Sunwoo and his weird acts. One day he seems friendly, the other he is the incarnation of the devil, when he's with his friends, he's more of the second option.
He hated San because he was close to his roommate. Moreover, San was rude and rough with Yeonjun and his friends -especially Wooyoung-.
But the one that he hated the most was Changmin. Because Changmin was a stealer. He was stealing Beomgyu from him and it enraged him more than anything. He was just so much better than him that he knew that Beomgyu would choose Changmin instead of him, and it made him fucking mad.

Yes, Yeonjun wasn't good as Changmin at music stuff. He wasn't as muscular as San, nor as gentle as Jacob and even less as cool, handsome and careless as Sunwoo but he was, for the first time of his life, trying his best. And, again, for the first time, he was almost considering living his life fully, without self harm, without drugs, without alcohol, without suicidal thoughts.

But they had to break it with their sharp and thoughtless words.

He hated Soobin, and his cute bunny face. He hated Huening Kai and his tender manners. He hated Wooyoung and his annoyingly funny personality. He hated Taehyun and his flawless body. He hated Beomgyu... No.

He just couldn't hate Beomgyu yet he hated everything about him. He hated his temperament, he hated his smile and his stupid laugh. He could even say that he despised the way he would always listen to him and be submissive whenever Yeonjun talked but it's not true. Yeonjun just hated that Beomgyu acted like it never happened. Like if he never fell on his knees in front of him, like if he-

"Yeonjun ? You fine ? I'm gonna enter in the dorm if it's okay with you." Beomgyu gently said, grabbing the doorknob with his long and sweet fingers. Yeonjun took some time to admire the younger's hand before he spoke again. "Yeah let's get in... I wasn't feeling well." He explained, a blush creeping on his face. 'Shit why my cheeks are so hot?' He questioned in his head, mentally slapping himself.

"Something happened ?" The younger asked, opening the door to let the two of them enter in the spacious dorm. Yeonjun felt the urge to tell Beomgyu about what happened, he wanted to cry on the younger's shoulder and vent to him all his problems. He even wanted to tell him about last year. Only his family and Taehyun know, even Wooyoung don't.

"Nothing." Yeonjun lied as he watched Beomgyu jump on the couch. "I need to smoke Gyu. Wanna join ?" Yeonjun spoke again before the younger could talk again. His anxiety was eating him inside and even if he was making efforts to stop, his body was shaking so much that he couldn't resist, he just needed to smoke to forget and maybe he will fall again in the addiction but actually, it never really stop. Addiction is always in one of the corner of the room, hiding in the shadow, you can act like if you don't see or feel it but deep down, you know it's always here, you can sometimes feel it possessing your inside, crawling in your veins until the only thing you think about is Addiction.

"Yeah, why not." The smaller replied, seemingly hesitant. "Coming back!" Yeonjun smiled before walking to his room to search the drugs hidden in there.

☆  ⸺   🎸🛹   !

Not the longest nor the best chapter, I apologize. A lot of things came up in my life lately.

Hope y'all feeling well <3