Strings Of Perfection

26

So I moved. One step. Then another. Until I was no longer standing still.

"Sylas!"

Hindi siya tumitigil.

"Can you just... hear me out?" My voice was unsteady, but I forced the words out anyway.

His steps halted. "I already did, Leo."

"Nakinig ka, oo, pero hindi mo ako pinakinggan nang totoo."

Sa wakas, nilingon niya ako. I almost flinched upon seeing how drained his eyes were.

"What do you want from me?" His tone was clipped, impatient. "I already told you-"

"Wala kang sinabi!" I cut him off, voice rising. "Ang sinabi mo lang-thank you. Ano 'yun? Pasasalamat na may umaasa sayo?"

His lips twitched-almost like he wanted to laugh, pero hindi natuloy. "You're overreacting...."

My stomach dropped. Ang sakit. Sobrang sakit. "Overreacting? Seryoso ka?"

He sighed, shaking his head. "L-Leo, feelings don't always have to be reciprocated.... That's life."

"Alam ko 'yon. Pero 'yung pagpapahintay mo? 'Yung mixed signals? That's not life, Sylas. That's just you being a fucking coward."

His eyes darkened, but he didn't refute it. "If that's what you want to think, then fine."

I bit my lip, knees weakening. "Sylas..." Naiiyak kong saad, kahit anong pigil ko. I could already feel the tears welling up. Tangina, nagiging iyakin talaga ako 'pag dating sa kanya.

Nakita ko kung paano siya nanigas nang makita ako. He swallowed hard, shoulders tensing. His fingers twitched at his sides, like he didn't know what to do with them. Ilang segundo siyang nakatingin-pero mabilis ding umiwas.

"No... one's stopping you from feeling whatever you want, Leo," mahina niyang saad, hindi man lang ako magawang tingnan. "But don't expect me to be responsible for it."

I should've stopped. Dapat tumigil na ako. Pero... tangina, hindi ko kaya... Buong ako, ayaw tanggapin kung ano man ito.

So I asked, voice barely above a whisper-fragile, desperate, breaking.
"Ako ba, Sylas?" My throat closed up. "Naging ako ba?"

There was a flicker-just a flicker-of something in his gaze. But just as quickly, he smothered it.

For a second-just one-akala ko may sagot siyang ibang ibibigay. But then he looked at me-those eyes colder than the wind between us.

"Bakit magiging ikaw?"

My chest caved in. Parang may humila pababa sa'kin-parang nabutas ako sa loob.

"Bakit magiging ikaw, Livreun?"

Shit.

I stopped breathing. The words shouldn't have hurt this much, but they did.

Isang bukol ang nabuo sa aking lalamunan, ngunit pinilit ko paring tumawa. Tama. Bakit nga ba magiging ako?

I let out a bitter chuckle, shaking my head.

"T-tumingin ka sa'kin..." I said, voice softer now, but no less desperate. "Kasi kung wala talaga, sabihin mo nang harapan. Sabihin mo sa'kin na wala kang naramdaman..."

He inhaled sharply, but he didn't speak. I swallowed hard, my throat tightening.

"Sylas..." My voice wavered. "Ang labo mo...."

His eyes flickered, like he wanted to say something. Pero hindi niya ginawa. Hindi niya kayang gawin.

"I never led you on," he muttered under his breath.