Strings Of Perfection

Trigger Warning:

This chapter contains content related to suicide, self-harm, severe emotional distress, and trauma. These topics may be triggering for some readers. Please proceed with caution and take care of yourself. If you feel that these themes may be harmful to you, it is okay to take breaks as needed. Your mental and emotional well-being is important. : )

Note:

Hi, Solis! (Kasi you guys are my sunshine, sorry, corny hahahaha.)

Just a heads-up: this chapter is going to be long and heavy. So please, kung broken ka, stressed, or going through something tough, it's totally okay to save this one for later. Take care of yourself first. Love you guys, and I appreciate every single one of you.

Good afternoon! (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)

×××

"Baby..." Yan lang ang tanging salitang lumabas sa bibig ko. Mahina at matamlay.

"Don't say... don't do this again..." I looked at him like he was the last light in a room that's slowly dimming. Desperado. Kasi may parte pa rin sa'kin na gusto maniwala na hindi pa 'to 'yung dulo... na hindi pa tapos ang kwento natin. Na baka... phase niya lang 'to. Baka bukas, okay na ulit kami...

"T-tigil na... hmm?"

That hurts.

God, that hurts.

And what hurt more was how gently he said it. Parang ayaw niyang masaktan ako... pero sinasaktan pa rin ako. Slowly and softly.

"Babalik nanaman tayo dito, Eliunous?" I breathed out, half-begging, half-breaking. "Ano? Aalis ka, tapos babalik ka na parang walang nangyari? Tapos tatanggapin ko ulit? Ganon ba ulit 'yon?"

"Leo---"

"You don't get to do this!" I snapped, stepping closer. "Hindi mo pwedeng sabihin o isipin na wala lang lahat 'yon! Hindi mo pwedeng i-dismiss lang kung anong meron tayo.... H-hindi mo pwedeng gawin 'to ngayon, not when we were just fine yesterday...."

Tiningnan niya ako. And I swear, I wish he didn't.

Kasi 'yung tingin niya---'yung parang may binubuhat siyang bigat na hindi ko maintindihan kasi ayaw niyang ipaintindi sa'kin.

"I never thought what we had was nothing, Livreun..."

Bumigat ang hangin. His voice cracked. Halos hindi na marinig.

"But it wasn't something either..."

Umiling ako. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ayaw kong marinig 'yon o dahil hindi ko ito matanggap.

Iniwas niya agad ang tingin. Napapikit siya saglit, as if catching his breath.

"Or at least... it wasn't something I knew how to hold on to..."

"That's bullshit---"

"Leo, please..." he interrupted, voice soft but breaking. "I never wanted to become the reason you'd question your worth," his voice was trembling and his  eyes were glossy with unshed tears. "But your love... it can't fix the kind of broken I am."