Fearless

This woman is killing me. She isn't doing anything, not listening to me and almost falling off the ship.

"No, I'm not gonna fall-" she proudly mumbled before falling off the ship. Idiot.

I caught her shirt, she's changed in her usual attire, not that tight and uncomfortable gown she wears everyday.

The sun is shining down on me and she is now pushing me. Annoying idiot. "Not even a thank you?" My voice rolls off smooth, with a hint of annoyance.

"No, it is your job to save your queen from danger." Her defiant voice stubbornly sounds out.

"Just to remind you, here, we are nothing. Not a queen, not an enforcer. Rather two people working with each other in order to live." I said, crossing my arms over my chest as this stubborn woman rolls her eyes again.

"They might get stuck like that." I teased. She snorted, got embarrassed and pushed me away, great. This girl will be the death of me.

Paedyn struts over to the bow. "It's almost noon isn't it?" She sighed, sitting on the ground. Today feels calm, it's nice.

"Sit beside me? Or can we not fit because you're too fat?" Paedyn insults but I don't take offense, I chuckle.

"You're the one who's too fat." I tease back, nudging her softly as I sit beside her in silence. "The silence is nice." She sighs, folding her knees.

Birds flew above us, I feel like the sun is burning me. Jealous of how I think she's brighter and more radiant. There aren't any poppies or forget-me-nots here, yet the silence feels the same as we were laying on the field.

"This is the calmest I've ever felt since I got married." Paedyn sighs beside me, hugging her knees to her chest.

"Did you want to get married? Do you love Kitt?" The words rolled off my tongue before I could stop them. It's a dumb question, of course she loved Kitt.

"Yes." That one word shattered what was left of my soul, but I can't let it show. I'll forget, just like I forgot the pain of Ava dying.

Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.

It's all I can think about. I want to scream, I want to puke, I want to cry, I want to die. Yet I am stuck in agony inside of my own body. If only I could turn back time from when I fell for her. From when she saved me in the loot alley.

I told myself the pain would eventually stop, but here I am. Sitting beside the girl I loved. The girl I wish I hadn't loved.

I wish I hadn't longed for her. All I wish for is a piece, a sliver of her heart, but again, I wish for the things I can never have. She is my silver savior, the one who has saved me, saved my heart, built me up and broke me down.

I am nothing but a hollow man. I want to be the boy I was before, I wanna go back to when I hadn't met Paedyn yet, and change my future, prevent my agony.