Strings Of Perfection

33

Hindi ko siya sinagot agad. Natigilan ako. My hands froze midair habang hawak ko pa ‘yung cotton na may kaunting antiseptic. Familiar? Déjà vu?

May gumawa na sakanya nito dati...

And I can't help but wonder... were they able to soothe the fires? Yung mga bagyong ‘di ko maintindihan sa loob niya. Were they able to calm his storms? Did they make him feel like he could stay?

Bakit ako parang hindi?

Humugot ako ng hangin, trying to shake it off. Pero ang totoo? Nanginig ako. Inside, I was trembling.

Tangina naman... bakit parang hindi ako sapat?

I bit my lip, blinking fast. I didn’t want him to see it. Yung takot. Yung doubt. The tiny voice in my head whispering he’ll leave anyway. Kasi kahit anong gawin ko---kahit anong lambing, kahit ilang beses kong sabihin na I’ll always choose him---parang hindi ko pa rin siya mapapanatili.

I taped the last band-aid gently on his side, the air between us heavy. “Tapos na,”

He looked down, then back at me, something unreadable in his eyes. “Thank you, baby...”

“Baka magka-tetanus ka pa diyan, no,” I joked half-heartedly, trying to revive my usual tone. “Baka kailangan mo ng rabies shot din. Minsan kasi... nakakakagat ka.”

He snorted. Just a small one. Pero kinapitan ko na agad ‘yon. Kasi kahit papaano, kahit isang segundo lang, he smiled.

“Cutting muna tayo,” he said, straightening up. “Let’s eat.”

I blinked. “Ha?”

“Let’s go somewhere. Anywhere. Gusto ko lang... I don’t know. Something normal.”

“Wow,” I blinked again, trying not to show how shocked I was. “Sino ka at anong ginawa mo kay Sylas Storm Eliunous?”

“Hindi lang ikaw ang marunong mapagod.”

“Uy, hindi ako nagrereklamo, ah. Pero teka---ikaw ba magda-drive?”

That shut him up. A beat passed before he admitted, “...I don’t know how to drive.”

Putek. A pause. Then I burst out laughing. “No way... Ikaw di marunong?"

“Shut up.”

I grinned. “Commute tayo?”

He nodded, looking down like he was regretting saying anything. Tangina, sobrang saya ko lang na I get to be with him like this.

“Sige,” I said, slinging my arm casually over his shoulder as we stepped out the store. “Ikaw bahala kung saan tayo kakain. Basta ikaw rin magbabayad.”

“Excuse me?”

“Wala nang bawian. Let’s go, mister."

---

Tangina. Never again. Never. Again.

Kumakapit ako sa bar ng bus na parang buhay ko na ang nakataya. Hindi talaga ako sanay sa ganito. Hindi ako pang ganitong klaseng siksikan. Bakit ba kasi hindi na lang kami nag-Grab?

"Ba’t ba kasi ayaw mo ng Grab?" reklamo ko kay Sylas, habang sinusubukan kong iwasang magkadikit yung mukha ko sa kili-kili ng katabi ko.

"Kailangan tipid minsan, Leo," sagot niya, calm as fuck, as if hindi nadadaganan ng tatlo panh estudyante sa likod niya. "Besides, this is bonding."

"Bonding my ass," bulong ko habang pinilit kong huminga sa tabi ng isang kuya na mukhang dalawang linggo nang hindi naliligo. Napangiwi ako.

Tapos, as if the world wanted to punish me more, nagtaas pa ng kamay si kuya.

Putangina. Amoy suka't pawis na napagtagpi-tagpi. Napatapik ako kay Sylas. "Lods, tulong. Maawa ka."

Natawa lang siya.

Without warning, he hooked an arm around my neck and pulled me closer---as in sobrang lapit namin.

"Bury your face here," bulong niya, that calm tone still there, like this was the most normal thing in the world.

Next thing I knew, nasa leeg na ako ni Sylas, nose practically brushing his collarbone. Tapos tangina. Ang bango niya.

Hindi ko alam kung anong sabon 'to, pero may mint. Hindi 'yong overpowering, 'yong sakto lang na parang ang linis-linis niya kahit nasa bus kami na amoy apocalypse.

"Ang bango mo," bulong ko, trying to act annoyed pero alam kong ramdam niya yung slight shiver ko.

"You're welcome," sabi niya, nonchalant pa rin, as if this was normal behavior for him.

Ewan. Kung iba 'to, baka nasuntok ko na. Pero si Sylas 'to. And suddenly, being buried in someone’s scent inside a bus didn’t feel like the worst thing in the world.

It felt… safe.

And maybe I didn’t mind commuting if it meant I got to be this close to him.

After the whole bus ordeal and the whole gamotan thing, Sylas led me to a small eatery that wasn’t too bad. At least this time, I wasn’t being squashed by random people or dodging awkward body contact. Taena, sama mo na 'yong nakakamatay nilang amoy.

Pag-upo ko, medyo iniwasan kong mabangga yung ibang upuan. “Anong masarap dito?”

Sylas, as usual, was calm as ever, studying the menu like it was a critical life decision. “Their adobo’s good. Medyo maanghang lang. Kaya mo ba ‘yon?”

“Maanghang?” I smirked, pretending to act all confident. “Hindi ako takot sa anghang.”

“We’ll see. I’m sure you can handle it.”

Sylas raised an eyebrow, then slowly placed a spoonful of the spicy adobo in front of me. His eyes locked onto mine, like he was daring me to prove it.

I took a deep breath, thinking it’d be easy. Gusto ko ring ipakita sa kanya na hindi ako natatakot. Pinilit ko na wag magpakita ng kahit anong hesitasyon, kaya tinikman ko ‘yung adobo. Hindi ko alam kung anong klaseng sili yung ginamit nila, pero yung anghang---tangina, grabe. Umabot hanggang sa utak ko.

“Shit,” bulong ko, agad na tiniklop ang dila ko at nagsimula akong maghanap ng tubig.

Sylas, yung hayop, tumawa lang. “I told you,” sabi niya, nakakalokong smile pa. "Hindi mo kaya..."

“Hindi kasi ako ready,” sagot ko, pa-cool, pero panay ang paghigop ko ng tubig. Grabe, parang buhay ko na yung hinigop kong tubig.

Nang mahagilap ng mata ko ang halo-halo na nasa malapit ni Sylas, hindi ko na napigilan ang ngiti ko. Damn, bro, that’s exactly what I need right now. Kailangan ko ng pampatanggal sa anghang.

Nagka-tinginan kami ni Sylas, and I swear, it felt like the world paused for a second. His eyes flickered to the halo-halo---he knew what I was thinking.

Dali-dali kaming nag-abot ng kamay, at dahil mas mabilis ako, ako ang nakakuha ng halo-halo.

I smirked, feeling smug. “Masyado kang mabagal,” I teased, then grabbed the spoon and scooped a massive chunk of ube. Damn, I love ube.

Habang tinatanggal ko ‘yong ube sa kutsara, tumingin ako kay Sylas, at nakita ko 'yung expression niya---parang may kinuha akong bagay na hindi ko dapat kinuha. Akala ko ba hindi niya gusto ‘yong ube?!

“Gusto mo?” tanong ko, tinutukso siya. “Kunin mo sa labi ko.”

Sylas stared at me, and for a second, his eyes were like he was considering something, weighing his options. His lips parted slightly, and I could tell he was about to say something. But before he could, he moved.

Mabilis at hindi ko na inasahan, his hand shot up and gripped my neck, pulling me closer.

I froze. For a split second, I thought he was going to take it from me through kissing me. I could feel his breath on my skin, and my heart was hammering in my chest. My eyes widened, too caught off guard to react.

But---fuck---I was wrong. Sylas suddenly tilted his head and instead of kissing me, he pressed a soft, almost tender kiss to my forehead.

Am I fucked if I expressed how disappointed that made me feel?

---

: )