Strings Of Perfection

38

When in reality, he was the one who walked away when it mattered. Siya 'yung naunang bumitaw.

He made promises before. Marami. Sweet, clean, empty words. Pero nasaan siya nung gumuho na ang lahat? Nung ako na lang 'yung natira?

Pero kahit anong pilit niyang gawing flawless 'yung speech niya, something didn’t sit right.

May mali.

I leaned forward a little. My brows furrowed together.

Yung kanang kamay niya.

He was using it to gesture---clumsily, awkwardly. Like it wasn’t natural. Like he was compensating.

Sylas never uses his right hand to talk.

Left-handed siya. Always was. Back in high school, he used to write on whiteboards with his left hand, draw with it, hold his coffee, fix his hair, everything.

Pero ngayon? His left hand stayed close to his side. Almost stiff. Hindi niya man lang inaangat. It looked… off. Like it didn’t belong to him anymore.

Tabgina, anong nangyari sa'yo sa loob ng apat na taon?

"I will ensure transparency and fairness. I'll make sure everyone's voice is heard. We'll build a community that we can all be proud of."

Fairness? Transparency? Ang dali niyang sabihin. Pero kung totoo 'yan, sana noon pa lang, pinakita na niya. Sana noon pa lang, pinili niya akong ipaglaban. Kasi kung may isang taong dapat niyang nilaban, it was me.

I clenched my fists under the table. I could feel my nails dig into my palm. Ramdam ko na ‘yung init sa dibdib ko, but I didn’t show it.

May maliit na twitch sa shoulder niya. Yung pagka-straight ng postura niya? Pilit. Parang may sinasalo siya. Pain, maybe. Or guilt.

"I will ensure no one is left behind."

I almost laughed. Tangina mo. Where were you when I was falling apart, Sylas? Where was the “no one left behind” nung ako 'yung naiwan?

He wasn’t there. Hindi siya lumaban para sa 'kin. Hindi siya bumalik.

I gritted my teeth. My breathing got heavier. Ramdam ko na 'yung init sa likod ng tenga ko. Pero nanahimik pa rin ako.

“Let’s build something that will last,” he ended, his gaze sweeping across the crowd---then stopped.

Nagtagal sa akin.

Sandali lang. Pero sapat na para maramdaman ko 'yung mga hindi niya masabi.

When all of it ended, hindi na ako tumingin pa sa stage. Hindi na ako naghintay ng announcement. Hindi na ako nagpaabot ng kahit anong palakpakan o komento. Tumayo lang ako nang tahimik at tuloy-tuloy.

Dumeretso ako sa restroom. Malamig ang tiles sa sahig, pero mas malamig 'yung pakiramdam ko sa loob.

Mariin kong hinilamosan ang mukha ko. Paulit-ulit. Parang gusto kong burahin lahat ng narinig ko kanina. Lahat ng nakita ko. Lahat ng naramdaman ko.

Tangina, bakit ba ayaw pa akong lubayan ng isang 'yan?

I gripped the edge of the sink. Hindi ako humihinga nang maayos. My chest was too tight. My knuckles pale from how hard I was holding on.

Teka...

May pumasok.

Tahimik ito, walang yabag. Pero ramdam ko.

Hindi ko tinignan. Hindi na kailangan.

Minutes passed. Walang salita. Walang kahit anong ingay. Just the quiet hum of the broken light above and the faint dripping from one of the taps. Pero kahit wala siyang sinasabi, alam kong siya 'yon. Si Eliunous.