Snippets of Madam Sirr (S1)

Chapter 11

Her eyes flicked back to the stars as a door opened. She was swallowed whole by the past. She saw visions of her childhood. The last time she had celebrated her birthday. She sighed swallowing a lump in her throat. That year her father had died. She lowered her head knocking her heels together as an unbridled cloud of emotions overtook her.

As the memories unfolded, KS struggled to stay grounded. She pinched her fingers together, rubbing her palms to ward off the cold. The bitter wind, its freezing tips tangled with the warmth she felt inside. Ever since her father died, KS hadn't celebrated he birthday. It's not that she didn't want to but she didn't have the courage to do so. She had hidden her birthday from her team and herself. KS knew that no one would understand her, the real her. Yet, she couldn't help but feel a pang of loneliness. She needed friends. She needed the warmth. Her mind churned the conversation with her husband. He must have definitely planned something. She knew for certain yet KS knew better than to have hopes.

***

She awoke the next morning as usual and got ready to leave for the station. Pushpa Ji had prepared her favorite dishes and the aroma overwhelmed her senses. As she stood near the table, looking longingly at the dishes, Puspha Ji came forward and cupped her face.

"Happy birthday beta" she said as she lowered her head and kissed her forehead. KS knelt and took her blessings where for a moment she was reminded of her own mother.

Pushpa Ji fed KS from her own hands despite KS's repeated tantrums. She mellowed under the love of her mother-in law feeling her heart thrumming against herself as her thoughts rushed to her home. After the smothering of food, KS left to the station and saw everyone busy with their work. She coughed to get their attention. The members got up and saluted her.

A pang of disappointment crept across her. She knew better than to expect but she was still hurt. She was suddenly called to the cabin by madam sir. She ran, her heart clutching a bit of hope that at least she'd remember her birthday but one glance at Haseena broke her heart.

"KS what is this?" she asked showing her a file.

"What happened madam sir?" KS asked, knitting her eyebrows together.

"I asked you to complete all these files but you have only submitted me one file."

KS stepped back gulping in fear. "Sorry madam sir...."

"KS, I need the completed files before lunch" she ordered, her voice clear.

KS stamped her feet and left, a gnawing hole in her heart. This was not how she had envisioned her day. She sat down and busied herself amongst the files struggling to ignore the rush of tears. As she worked, she saw SS and CC leaving the station, engaged in their usual banter. KS flipped the pen down banging her hands in anger.

Why does this always happen to me? She wondered, the sting of tears fresh in her eyes. KS knew that she was always seen as the tough bhaukhal queen but KS didn't want everyone to see her like that. At least not always. She banged the table again cursing herself for hoping as she settled down to work.