I Don't Like This World, I Only Like You (我不喜歡這世界，我只喜歡你) by Qiao Yi (喬一)

I was a huge fan of Jay Chou. One year he held a fan meet in our city. Tickets were released at 5 PM, and fans started lining up at noon. From far away, you could see a dark crowd of people holding giant cardboard signs—it looked like an illegal gathering.

I planned to skip class to get tickets and asked F to help. He refused.

But I ran off anyway and texted our homeroom teacher saying I had menstrual cramps and was going home.

Little did I know, my brother suddenly felt charitable that day and went to school to excuse me, saying I'd injured my leg and was at the hospital. (My goofy brother has been sabotaging me for 20 years.)

F, despite saying he wouldn't help, ended up going to the teacher and telling him I had a fever and went home. The teacher exploded:
"She texted me saying she had cramps! Her brother said she hurt her leg and went to the hospital! And now you're telling me she has a fever? What the heck is going on?!"

According to eyewitnesses, F froze for just one second—really, just one—and then calmly said, "She had a fever during her period, fainted in PE, fell off the horizontal bar, and her mom took her to the hospital."

Flawless delivery. Didn't even blush. It was awe-inspiring.

When I heard about it later, I patted his shoulder and said, "Kid, it's a pity you were born in China. If you'd been born in the Golden Triangle, you'd be the kind of crime boss who could stare down a gun to the head without flinching."