UNREQUITED LOVE-THE UNSTRECHED STRINGS OF TWO HEARTS ??

In evening.. .
I packed my bags for Leaving with Dad and I went downstairs.
M: Everything packed Sana?
Sana: I think so. Where's Dad?
M: He has gone to office. Have u kept the documents?
Sana: Yes Mom. See it yourself.
I showed her my folder when something fell from it. Mom picked it up and her eyes were showing happiness.
Sana: Mom what's it?
M: The appreciation letter of 2011-12 stating "THE BEST STUDENT OF THE ACADEMIC SESSION--- SHEHNAAZ GUPTA.".

I saw her happy after years but my eyes were becoming moist as all those memories of annual function came running to my mind and specially the songs I performed with Sidharth.

M: But why is it kept here Sana? It should be with your certificates and momentos.
Sana: IDK mom even I'm wondering about it. But how do u remember it so clearly?
I mean I got many like these in all these years but the happiness I see in your eyes when u saw this is totally different from when you see all those.
M: This one is very special Sana. This was the first u got and I even searched it in these years but I never got it as it was hidden here. Now I will keep it safely.
Sana: Ok Mom.
M: Sana do u remember...
Sana: What?
M: Ur annual day performance with... O God what was his name?
Sana: Sidharth..
I widened my eyes as I didn't realised when did I said it
M: Sidharth? Oh yes Sidharth Arora. Are you still in touch with him Sana?
I didn't know how to react to it. Here I'm like loosing my mind and the other side mom wanted to know was I still in touch with him. I was shivering with the thought but anyhow I mustered courage to speak.
Sana: N..No Mom.
M: What happened Sana u were fine a minute ago why r u Shivering then. Are u feeling cold?
Sana(breathing heavily): Nothing Mom everything is fine
Till mom could ask something again Dad came back and I was grateful as I didn't wanted to answer any of the questions, not atleast now but my mom became curious to know the reason about it but shrugged the thought when Dad called her.
D: Aaru u packed my bags?
M; Yes Sachin.
D: Great. Sanu be ready we will be leaving now. I'll come after freshening up.
Sana: I'm ready Dad.
Mom packed me a tiffin box with home made food for us to eat in flight as I didn't liked the food outside. The taste of mothers hand is way better than the outside food.
Suddenly I hugged her tightly sensing a sudden unknown feeling which was so strange that I felt chocking up.
M(worried): What happened beta? Are u alright?( while caressing my hairs)
Sana: Yes Mom everything's fine. I don't know it's just some strange feeling I'm getting. U will take care of yourself right?
(While still hugging her.)
M: Ofcourse Sana, calm down beta it must be because you are going to be away from me after years ( but just physically because emotionally u are away from 6 years Sana)
she murmured but I heard it and I felt bad to give this much pain to her even when there was no fault of her in anything.
Sana: I hope you are right Mom this should be the only reason but please take care of yourself.
I wiped the tears that were flowing down my eyes and broke the hug without even making her realise that I was actually chocking up.
Dad came after freshening up and asked
D: Ready Sana?
Sana: Yes Dad.
D: Aaru please take care of yourself. Eat at time and take your medicines on time.
M: U too take care of yourself and Sana and don't worry I will be alright here.
D: In case of any problem just call me.
M: Sure now stop worrying about me and go flight miss ho jayegi.
.....

We reached Banglore after 3 hours of flight and decided to go straight to our villa which was in the outskirts of the city but was not used from many years as we didn't visited here regularly.
When we entered everything was same and so clean just because of Amira Di. She is just a caretaker but she meant way more than a family to us.
Amira: As-salamu alaikum.
Sana: Va-alaikum As-salaam. Kaise ho aap Didi?
D: Sana u talk I have to attend an important conference call. Just stay here don't go outside beta.
Sana: I'm too tired to go anywhere Dad. U go enjoy your meeting.
Amira: Main theek hoon Sana. Tum batao kaisi ho tum?
Sana: aapke saamne hoon dekh lo sahi salamat ekdum.
Amira: Aur khala kaisi hai?
Sana: Mom is alright Didi. Aap bataiye humare bina aap khush hai?
Amira: Khush hai par dil nhi lagta. Aap sab log bahut ache ho humare liye kitna karte ho..
Sana: Arey bus bus Didi aap toh rula kar maanengi
Amira: Acha chaliye bataiye itne saal baad kaise aana hua?
Sana: Aise hi kyun nhi aa sakte?
Amira: Arey aap hi ka ghar hai aa sakte ho. Maine kab Mana kiya?
I smiled at her response. I felt so heartwarming after taking to her like old times.
Sana: Aap toh bilkul nhi badli didi. Mujhe toh laga bhool gye hoge aap mujhe.
Amira: tumhe kon bhool sakta hai Sana tum toh ghar main sabki jaan ho aur khala ki toh jaan basti hai tumme.
Sana: Pta hai Didi mere liye ab puri duniya yahi hai.
Amira: tum thodi badal gyi ho Sana.
Sana: Aisa isliye lag raha hoga kyunki aapne mujhe shayad 7 saal baad dekha hai.
Amira: Nhi Sana vaisi baat nhi hai. Jab tum pichli baar apne kisi dost ke saath aayi thi toh tum kafi khush thi. Tum ab sirf khush dikhne ke liye hasti ho, khud ke liye voh khushi jhalakti nhi hai tumhari aankho main ab.
Sana(hiding her tears): Didi waqt ke saath sab badal jaata hai. Aur jis waqt ki aap baat kar rahe ho woh main ab bilkul nhi hoon.
Amira: Aur kahin iske piche voh tumhara dost...
I knew whose name was she going to take and I can't hear it once more.
Sana: Nhi Didi yeh kisiki wajah se nhi hua hai sab meri wajah se hai par main jee rahi hoon Didi aur ab meri zindagi yehi sab hai.
Amira: Jeena Zindagi nhi hota Sana. Tum khush ho hi nahi tumhari aankhein bata rahi hai.
I was about to burst with tears when she again said.
Amira: koi baat nahi Sana abhi tum khud samajh nahi rhi main kya bol Rahi hoon. Jaao aaram karo thak gyi hogi main khana bhijwati hoon.
Sana: Nhi chaiye abhi kuch Didi bus aap papa se puch lena, main jaati hoon kal kafi kaam hai.
Amira: ok.
I closed the door of my room and sat on the bed with tears rolling down my face silently.
I stopped Amira Di from taking his name but my heart can not stop thinking about him. He keeps on repeating his name when ever anyone just hints about him.

Mind: Do u still remember him?
Heart:......
Mind: Answers me?
Heart: main kabhi bhoola hi nhi tha toh yaad rakhne ki baat toh aati hi nhi.
Mind: usne joh tumhare saath kiya uske baad bhi.
Heart: Hmm
Mind:
Why do you keep thinking about him?
Do u still like him?
Do you still love him?
Heart:....

I was shocked as my heart didn't said anything but I will answer it for sure.

Sana: No I don't and now please stop it.

I was getting frustrated with the war of my own mind and heart.
I took out my diary and hold it close too my heart and slept while holding it.

Next morning after talking to mom we went to submit our documents and sign the Bond. I was happy but the same strange thoughts of maybe meeting someone was coming to my mind.
While returning I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't got to know that my Dad was still inside. I kept walking with out realising that a truck was gonna hit me.
I was suddenly pulled aside with a familiar touch but I couldn't remember it till the time I heard the voice. O God how much I missed it in these years but finally when we are meeting the situation is not right and May be now I'm not worth it. I didn't turn away as I can not face him.
Person: Have you gone Mad Ms. The truck would have crushed you.
I didn't reply as I was listening to one of the voice that soothes the broken pieces of my heart. I was happy and contented but still I wanted to cry with them, curse them for leaving when I needed them the most but I can't. I'm too broken to be mended right now.
Person: Are u listening even. Hello Ms. Ajeeb log hai ek toh jaan bachayi upar se they r not even responding.
Everything was fine, he was leaving but Dad shouted on wrong time.
D: Sana where r u?
Now how could I face him. Aap do minute baad nhi aa sakte the papa. I asked in my own mind. I know he will recognise me for sure now as he knows Dad very well.
D: Sana...
He was calling me when he looked at me standing with an unknown person. He came towards me but I was planning to go away from here but how can I now?
Person: Uncle is it you or I'm imagining you again ?
D: Krish...
He hugged my father so closely but I was too numb too react.
K: Uncle if u r here then it means this would be.......Sanu
He was shocked on realising that it was me in front of him but was not even responding to anything. He called me again...
K:Sanu... Won't you even see me now?
This is it how could I even deny his request when he so lovingly calls me even after all that I said to him......
Sana: I can't Krish..
K: Sanu just once forget the past and meet me once yaar Sanu I missed you....
I turned back and saw my Dad smiling towards me and when I looked at Krish I saw many emotions in his eyes which he was desperately trying to hide. When I didn't made any attempt to move further I saw him giving me a sad smile and he said which I cannot even think in my dreams.
K: It's ok Sanu o sorry Shehnaaz I don't have the right to call u that when you can't even meet me once. Hum bache the Shehnaaz, but mujhe tumhe dekhkar Aaj bhi lagta hai that you still think that I was at fault. It was nice to meet u Uncle.
He was crying at the end of it and I felt more guilty about the whole situation but I was not able to react, I wasn't able to move. All the memories came flooding to my mind and I was not understanding how to react. His words and all the memories were running in my mind.

How do you think Sana would react to this situation?
What could be the past?
Why is she Guilty?
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