Way Back Home
The night breeze rustled blowing away on scraps of leaves, the sliver of the moon slicing through the velveteen black. An occasional owl hooted breaking the hush that had invaded Lucknow. The streets were calm, almost unrecognizable without the chaos and unruly disorder that claimed the city during the day. Everything seemed in place yet an unrecognizable hybridity lingered in the air.
CC glanced at the towering MPT in front of him, silhouetted within the confines of the darkness. The old whitewashed walls gleamed in a pearly glow catching the reflection of a silver torch from above. It seemed divine, transcending human interaction. The MPT, lively with its muse of tranquility reflected CC, his mind a hive of chaos and conflict.
He sighed, caressing his badge in his hands, smoothening the slightly rusted metal edges. He had given his resignation letter taking the decision to leave the MPT, to leave the force forever. CC glanced up, the moonlight shining in his eyes as he walked back to the past. His bruised and swollen face, decked with reddened welts laughed at him, sharing in on a perverse joke. Unconsciously, he ran his fingers over the bruises, wincing slightly at the pain. The humiliation. The embarrassment. The disgrace to his uniform. Everything stirred in flash.
CC stood in a flash, his emotions overwhelming him. He tightened his fist into a ball as the pin of his badge pierced his skin. He hissed in pain, staring wordlessly at the thin drops of blood dripping to the ground. CC paced around, the constant jab of the pin keeping him grounded. How could he continue his job when he was humiliated in front of the public? He walked around, his fingers softening his hair. His eyes closed as he recalled the fatal condition of his mother, the responsibility of his sister. How could he return to the village? CC felt suffocated, his breath yearning for a release. He felt as a failure, as an officer, as a son and a brother.
He wiped his tears immediately sensing a hand on his shoulder. He turned back surprised to see Haseena in front of him, her eyes flashing with concern.
"CC are you okay?" she asked.
CC gritted his teeth and bowed his head to the ground, desperately hiding his tears. His recent actions had caused Madam Sir to publicly apologize to Shivani yet Haseena hadn't said a word against him. He felt ashamed, that he had brought shame upon the senior whom he considered as his own sister.
Haseena forwarded him a napkin, gesturing him to wipe his eyes. She didn't speak, sensing the turmoil inside him. She silently asked him to follow her as she started her jeep and drove away. The drive was silent, broken by the occasional grating of teeth and sighs. Haseena glanced at him, her eyes caught between worry and love.
Haseena stared at him helplessly. She felt as if she had failed CC as a senior. He had always been a cheery and jovial but now...She sighed, her foot stepping on the accelerator. Her mind flashed back to the snippets of the conversations she had heard. Haseena knew that CC was disappointed in her. She knew that almost everyone was disappointed in her tha she had ordered KS to be in her limits putting an end to the famous bhaukhal reign. But what else could Haseena do? She was a senior. She had to think about everyone else, not only her.
She stopped suddenly, slamming the brakes violently thrusting them both forward. She got down, CC following her close behind. They were walking upon a deserted road with an old-fashioned ice cream cart in a corner. Haseena ordered two cups as the pair wordlessly sat down on a nearby bench.
"Cheetah...." she called out, her voice gentle as the night. "I know that whatever I say right now will never lessen the pain you experienced but I'm saying this again....reconsider your decision..."
He looked up, the bolts of tears pricking his eyes. "Madam Sir, how can I do my duty when the public manipulate their power? How can I as an officer take care of them when they don't even respect this uniform?"
"Cheetah....we didn't wear this uniform to be recognized. We wore it knowing very well that we will not be popular, not be accepted....haan, I accept that it is difficult to continue doing our duty when people manipulate power and money but that is not a reason to leave the force...that just means that they've won. That they've successfully intimidated the police..."
"Madam Sir...but there was a time when they wouldn't even have dared to raise a hand against the police...." He snapped, his voice raised unceremoniously.
Haseena flinched, his words slicing her heart. She looked away briefly, blinking back her tears.
"Cheetah, I know that you are angry with me...I know that your opinion of me has changed ever since I stopped KS's bhaukhal but Cheetah, do you really believe that the public needs to be afraid of the police?"
"Haan Madam Sir, if they aren't afraid of us, they won't abate their crimes..."
"Cheetah, the public doesn't need to be afraid of the police. They need to be afraid of the law, the rules and regulations. They need to learn to respect the very institution that we as officers have sworn to uphold...." She paused as he looked up, her words stirring his sense of duty. "Cheetah as officers what we need to do is make the public believe in the constitution and the power of justice. Haan, I agree that KS's bhaukhal worked but that was only temporarily...what happens when KS leaves? Violence is never the answer..."
As Haseena spoke, CC felt relaxed and relieved, his anger shimmering away. He sighed, scraping the bottom of his empty cup when Haseena wordlessly handed him hers. He smiled faintly, taking the cup from her, the taste of chocolate ice-cream melting in his mouth. He sighed. He knew that Haseena was right. He had always believed in her. But, he had lost his sense of justice when his uniform was disgraced.
"Cheetah..." she spoke again. "I'm not asking you to change your decision. It is yours to make and I won't influence you to stay. All I'm asking is to think- why you joined the force. Don't let your emotions cloud your judgement..."
"Madam Sir...ever since I was attacked I lost my sense of self. I was disoriented. I didn't know how to think. Whenever I closed my eyes, all I could think was how I got beaten up...." He paused, closing his eyes to block off the memory.
Haseena leaned forward slightly, tapping his hand with her fingers, smiling reassuringly at him.
"At that time, all I wanted was to hurt him. To hurt the person who disgraced me and my uniform. That is why I was angry with you Madam Sir.....but now I realize that fear won't make him understand. Haan, I know that he apologized to after getting beaten up by Shivani but that didn't make him realize the value of the force or his mistake..." he paused again, straightening his back directly glancing at Haseena.
"I'm sorry Madam Sir. I acted rudely towards you and....." Haseena stopped him, gesturing with her eyes. He sighed, looking down, sniffling. "Madam Sir, thank you for making me understand..."
"Cheetah, I'm always here for you. We are all a family...."
The two shared a deep look, a look of understanding and trust that surpassed everything. Haseena smiled, her fingers still caressing his palm when he winced in pain. Haseena suddenly retracted her hand, glancing down at the blood spots in his hand. Wordlessly, she tied her handkerchief around his hand, staunching the blood flow as she raised his eyes questioningly at him. He shrugged causally, wiping the back of his neck.
"You really are KS's brother...." She murmured, under her breath.
"Haan but Madam Sir...I'm your brother too..." he said with a smile.
Haseena smiled back, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Are you sure? Remember you once proposed to me?"
He widened his eyes, his mouth agape in shock and surprise. Words failed him as he desperately tried to word his feelings.
"M....M...Madam Sir I only did that on your orders...." He said stumbling. "And....you know that I love Santu Ji....." he said dreamily.
Haseena laughed as she stood. "Haan Cheete....I know that your Santu Ji is your jaan..."
He blushed, burying his face deep in his hands as he stood next to her. "Madam Sir, can I ask you something?"
Haseena nodded her head. "Madam Sir, when did you start calling me Cheeta?"
"Just now...I wanted to talk to you not as a senior but a friend...I'm sorry if you found it weird..."
"Aarey no Madam Sir....I really liked it. Thank you..."
"Aarey yaar Chikne....There's no thank you between friends..." she said in her Urmila accent as they both broke down into a fit of laughter.
They walked back together, strengthened by their shared bond as their hearts felt relived. CC smiled, his tears vanishing under the night sky. He had returned to the place he belonged. To his home. To his MPT. CC smiled, his tears vanishing under the night sky as he realized that strength was never about instilling fear—it was about standing firm, even when the world tried to shake you
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