Party 'til you pass out / When the party's over

Alison

There was a tension in the room that made the tension in Bring Me's tour bus during the last weeks of Warped look like nothing. I was sitting on the couch after a really bad night of sleep, fumbling with my hands and not looking at Brian, who stood opposite of me on the other side of the room. Since I came home last night, he still hadn't said a thing and maybe this was even the first time he was looking at me. There was a look in his eyes that made my heart stop but in a painful way; it was a mix between pure hatred, deep hurt and hard disappointment. His posture was hostile with his legs wide and his arms across his chest, and his entire presence made me nervous. Maybe I should have gone to my parent's house. Or stay with Lilian. I mean, why did I think coming back to Brian would be a good thing? I shivered a bit and carefully looked up at him, gulping at his dark face. I had no idea where he had slept last night, but it obviously hadn't been in bed next me.

'Guess you had fun in the States, didn't you?,' Brian asked harshly, digging his gaze into mine. I nodded quietly.

'Yeah...'

'Did you ever think of me?'

'A lot...,' I muttered, not lying anyway. Brian scoffed.

'Not often enough, obviously.' If voices could kill, then his would have me dead within seconds. He sounded so ice cold, nothing like the Brian that I knew. But the Brian I knew before hadn't had his heart broken by me...

'Bri, I'm really sorry...'

'Yeah, you've said that many times before. Doesn't buy me anything though, does it?' I softly shook my head. 'I trusted you, Alison! I thought we had a good relationship, or at least good enough to withstand a long tour across the world!'

'I know -'

'I asked you to marry me, and you said yes!,' he let out. 'And you just went on that tour and got it on with another lad! How do you think it makes me feel?! Ever thought about that?'

'All the time...' My voice was nothing but a whisper, because I knew he was right and entitled to be upset and angry with me. The fact that he only knew about Tom kissing me and not about the things I had done with Austin, made my conscious even worse.

'We talked on the phone for almost an hour, Alison, while you told me you were doubting out relationship and we broke up, and yet you come back here after ten weeks like nothing happened! You even expected me to pick you up, are you even functioning well?,' he asked sarcastically, his voice even angrier than before.

'Well, where was I supposed to go then, Brian?,' I asked him heatedly.

'Oh I don't know, you parents, or friends? Or maybe that Tom could have taken you home, seen as you guys got along so well!' I sighed and sank back in the couch at those words; Brian was right, of all the places I could have gone to stay, I came back to him. 'What are you even expecting of me?,' he asked. I shrugged.

'I don't know,' I answered tiredly, rubbing my temples to ease down a headache. 'I just hoped...'

'Hoped what, Alison? That I would forgive you and take you back in, and we would live happily ever after?' Did I? No, because though I loved Brian, I didn't love him enough to spend the rest of my life with him, and that wouldn't be fair to the both of us.

'I think I just hoped that we could talk,' I eventually said.

'We did, on the phone. We ended it, and yet you are here.'

'It's my house too, you know!,' I argued.

'Not for long anymore,' Brian said. 'I want you to leave.'