Party 'til you pass out / When the party's over

Oliver

I was biting my lip repeatedly, my front teeth trying to rip off a small loose piece of skin from chewing my lip all the time. My fingers fumbled on my wedding ring while my eyes scanned the room. I hated social events, the more when I was the centre of attention. I listened to my bandmates talking excitedly, hyped up and ready to hear what the press and critics thought about what we had made of our long-awaited new album. Management had sent out our full new album to everyone important in the music industry a week ago, as a preparation for the press event that was hosted at the head office of our label in London tonight. We all knew there was a lot of attention for our new album and this event, since everyone was curious and looking forward to hearing from us again. The not so secret-secret news that I had been in rehab for months and wrote a lot of our songs inspired by my experiences there, made the expectations from everyone even higher. Same was to say for my anxiety; despite taking my medication - and a little extra - my body was on high alert and ready to flee the scene immediately.

We already had the official press moment; we had been interviewed by some press members while we were sitting down as a band to answer the questions about the album together. I felt comforted in the idea that I was not alone, but I still really disliked doing it because I had been so anxious. Luckily for me, my bandmates picked up my vibe and took over answering when I hardly came out of my words. God, people must have been thinking that I was still on drugs or something... I felt like I had completely embarrassed myself tonight.

For now, we were expected to just mingle with the people on the event, have a drink, have a more casual talk to people who wanted to know more about our new music. It felt a bit more comfortable for me, because at least I could walk away if I had enough of it. Alison and Tom were hired to make photos and videos of the whole thing, for promotional purposes, but it meant they were already out there, so Alison wasn't around me back here to be able to calm me down. If even she could, seen the frantic state I was in right now. What if people hated what we had made of it? What if people disliked the personal songs I wrote? What if they laugh at me for what I have been through?

When it was time to get in, I was happy that not everyone's attention was on us immediately. It was more like walking into a party and slowly finding your way through the people. My anxiety settled down a bit when I noticed Alison at the other end of the room, doing her thing with her camera. As if she felt that I was watching her, she suddenly looked up from inspecting the photos she just took, and looked my way. A smile curved her lips and she looked me up and down a bit, her smile growing even more. Then she winked and looked at her camera again. I chuckled a bit and shook my head, my eyes glued to her gorgeous appearance and my nerves calming down.

I had said that I didn't want to stand out too much tonight, but Alison made me buy a new outfit and wear it. She said that tonight was a big moment, and it was an opportunity to show everyone that despite being in rehab, I had come out stronger on the other side and was doing well now. I had hesitantly agreed with that, and now I was wearing black skinny jeans with a dark blue denim button up, just for the occasion. I had done my hair, and to feel a bit more like myself, I had rolled up the sleeves of my blouse, exposing my tattoos and making me feel a little less restricted.

To give myself some posture I got up to the bar and ordered a drink, looking around and examining the people in the room. Some of them were looking at me too, others were engaged talking to each other or the lads. They made it seem so easy... Even Jordan, who had no experience in this at all, was talking to some people about the new album.

'Hi Oliver,' someone said, making me look over. A young woman stood next to me and smiled, holding out her hand. 'I am Penny, from Kerrang! Magazine. Is it okay if I ask you some questions about the new album?' I took her hand and introduced myself.