i trusted you and you ...

Lexa***

I don't know how long we'd been sitting here. I didn't mind. Clarke's steady breathing told me she was asleep.

When I felt a vibration, I pulled my phone out of my pocket, trying not to move too much. Clarke needed her sleep.

As I read the message, a smile spread across my face.

Costia: Why did you leave last night? :(

Lexa: Sorry, Clarke needed me.

Costia: Isn't she the one who always follows you around?

I knew I should tell her that Clarke wasn't following me around and that it didn't bother me even if she was. Something held me back.

Lexa: I know, she always does that.

Costia: That would really annoy me.

But it didn't annoy me. I felt comfortable when Clarke was around. So why couldn't I just tell her that?

Lexa: Yeah, kind of.

Costia: What are you up to today?

Lexa: Nothing special.

That wasn't really true. Today was the day Clarke and I always had our picnic in the park. But skipping it once wouldn't be a big deal.

Costia: 3 PM at the park?

Lexa: Sounds good, I'll be there.

Costia: 😘

She sent me a kiss emoji. My heart pounded in my chest.

"Is everything okay?" a raspy voice brought me back to reality. When I looked up from my phone and saw Clarke's blue eyes, my heart raced even more, but I ignored it.

"Everything's fine. I hope I didn't wake you." Clarke just smiled at me and shook her head.

"I woke up on my own. You could have woken me, I'm too heavy to sleep on."

"Yeah, well, now that you mention it, I can't feel my legs," I joked, and she lightly punched my shoulder.

"Come on, let's go home. We need to get ready for the picnic."

My throat went dry, and I didn't know what to say. "Uh, Clarke, look, I've already made plans with Costia today. I thought it wouldn't be a big deal since we do this every week, and skipping once wouldn't hurt."

I looked at Clarke and saw a flurry of emotions cross her face that I couldn't quite identify because they disappeared so quickly. A forced smile spread across her lips. "No problem, have fun with Costia."

She was about to climb through the opening, but I stopped her. "Clarke, please. If you don't want me to, I'll cancel the date. I just... I'm excited to get to know her better. She's different, but she's not you. So just say the word, and I'll stay." Deep down, I wanted her to tell me to stay, but I quickly pushed those thoughts aside.

"Lexa, it's okay. You already left the party because of me. Go meet her and tell me all the juicy details, okay?" She winked at me and started to climb down but paused. "And thanks, Lex, for being there." Before I could say anything, she was gone.

Why did it hurt so much that she didn't ask me to stay? Why, damn it, why?