i trusted you and you ...

*** Clarke

It had been an hour since Raven and I lay next to each other on the bed. With our bellies facing the ceiling, we recounted the experiences that had happened during the time we were apart.

She talked about her university and various problems but never mentioned Costia or Lexa. Similarly, I only told her about Roan, avoiding the uncomfortable details.

"Clarke, I know it's too early, but you can talk to me about anything. Even the bad stuff," she said, making me flinch.

Was I ready to tell her everything? Was I ready to trust her?

"Raven, it's too soon. I'm going to go get ready now," I said with a sigh, getting up and leaving her behind.

When I emerged from the bathroom freshly showered and in new clothes, my mind felt a bit clearer. I was still a bit overwhelmed by the situation, but it was better now.

Raven made me feel like myself again. Of course, I wasn't the same as before, but at least I felt true to myself. Yet, I was also disappointed in myself for letting her back in so easily. But she made it hard for me. Was it really so bad to let her back into my life?

Questions upon questions, but most of them went unanswered. So, I went to the kitchen and made myself a coffee.

"You lucky bastard for not being at school." a voice behind me said, causing me to turn around.

Roan slumped into a kitchen chair and tossed his backpack onto the table. "Well, I wouldn't have gone anyways. Mondays are just filled with crap subjects."

I handed him a cup filled with coffee and joined him at the table.

"How are you doing?" He looked at me, and I knew I couldn't lie.

"A bit overwhelmed, I'd say. I just don't know how to deal with this. Raven and I talked for a long time, but I'm not ready to spill everything just yet."

I took a sip from my cup and closed my eyes.

"They bought a house here. Well, Lexa's parents bought one a while ago, and the three of them are moving in a month."

His information caught me off guard. Raven had said they weren't leaving, but I hadn't thought it would actually happen.

"What about her university?" I asked, looking at him.

"As far as I know, Lexa finished a month ago. Raven and Octavia have three more weeks, but they've almost finished their assignments. I'm not sure about jobs and all that, but I guess we'll see."

He sighed and finished his coffee, then stood up. "I'll quickly smoke one more, then I'm going shopping. Coming with?"

I shook my head, and he nodded. As he left the kitchen, I finished my coffee, quickly cleaned the cup, and left it to dry on the edge of the sink.

As I headed towards Roan's room, I heard voices in the hallway. I approached cautiously and saw Raven and Octavia leaning against the wall, speaking quietly. I edged closer, careful not to be seen.

"O, I don't know if she trusts me or has forgiven me. I just know I want to make sure everything's okay again." O brushed her cheek, wiping away a tear or two. Her voice sounded fragile, and I wanted to assure her that I was working on it too.

"Baby, give her time. It'll take a while before everything's said and done and you two get closer again."

Baby? Did I miss something? But as Raven pulled Octavia towards her and kissed her on the lips, my thoughts were confirmed.

I always knew they would end up together.

"You win 50 pucks." I screamed involuntarily and turned around quickly. My back slammed against the wall and my breath was shallow. This can't be happening again.

Lexa had appeared from behind me and leaned close to whisper those words in my ear. But that was also the trigger for what was happening right now.

"Clarke, shit, I'm sorry." She helped me sit down and then quickly got up to turn off all the sources of light.

Not again.