i trusted you and you ...

*** Lexa

What should I do? This can't go on like this. Clarke needs help. But can I give her the help she needs?

I just want her to be okay again. As I felt someone sit on the bed where I was lying, my thoughts were interrupted.

But when I looked to see who had sat down next to me, I sat up abruptly. "Clarke," I didn't know what to say, but she took the decision away from me.

"O, Raven and I have been thinking about something. I want you to listen to me and not interrupt, please," she continued as I nodded. "I—or rather, the three of us think it's better for you to find somewhere else to stay." I wanted to object, but she placed a hand on my shoulder, leaving me speechless.

"I'm trying to accept your help. I really am, but you have to give me space. To think everything over and just let me breathe. I think it'll be good for you too if you have time for yourselves. Please don't think I want to push you away. I want to let you back into my heart, but I think it's better if we're not constantly on top of each other." She looked at me with hope in her eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere. I won't leave you." A smile spread across her lips. "I know. At least I'm trying to get that through my thick skull. But please don't think I don't want you here. I know you'll stay. I just think if we're all trapped in this house, it's not doing anyone any good. We need time. We can meet every day, plan different things, get to know each other better again. Then everyone has a place to retreat to. Do you understand?"

I stood up and paced around the room. Everything she had just said replayed in my head. It wasn't actually a bad idea. I've really felt trapped here.

As I turned to face her and sat down in front of her, fear overcame me. "Lex, just tell me what's going on in your head." Internally, I had to smile, and my heart did somersaults. She sounded like the old Clarke. I took a deep breath and did exactly as she had told me.

"I'm just scared, Clarke. Scared that you'll feel like I'm leaving you again." I looked deeply into her eyes, and I saw the fear I had just mentioned. She cupped my face in both hands and smiled reassuringly at me.

"I'm scared too. Scared that one day you won't be here anymore. That you'll just leave again. But I have to work on that, like so many other things. Just like you do. But I think this is better. We'll see each other every day."

I closed my eyes and leaned my face into her hands.

"You're right. Let's do it like this. But we'll see each other every day," I said with determination.

I'll come up with something every day. Everything has to be perfect. I'll take away her fear. Even if it's the last thing I do.