Party 'til you pass out / When the party's over

1.23

'I get that- ,' she started.

'Yeah, do you?!,' I asked her sarcastically. 'Because last time I checked, it was me trashing my house in an aggressive, drug induced fit, and not you!'

'Oli...'

'No, don't say you understand, Alison. Because you don't!' I stared at her with utter annoyance, and Alison rolled her eyes.

'I'm just trying to make it less hard on you.'

'Well, you can't, so stop trying!'

'Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?!,' she let out in frustration.

'Because that's how my brain works, Avril Lavigne!' My name calling made her chuckle; she tried to hold it in, but didn't succeed, and she started laughing. Suddenly, my tension dropped and I chuckled too, drawing my hand through my hair and biting my lip.

'Sorry,' I muttered.

'It's okay, you dramaqueen. But we're still going tomorrow.' I made a face and sat down at the bar when she made me, looking at her dish out two plates of risotto.

'As long as you're there with me,' I said. Alison looked up at me.

'Of course. Always.'

*

Trembling. Anxiety running through my veins. Worry on my mind.

'Are you coming?,' Alison asked while she looked back. She stood at the entrance of the pub she had agreed on meeting the lads at. I gulped and nodded my head.

'Yeah, just... One moment.' Alison still looked at me, and I motioned her inside with a nod of my head while I lit a cigarette. She came up to me and kissed my cheek.

'Whenever you're ready,' she said before entering the pub. I inhaled the smoke deeply and let it circle my lungs for a while until exhaling it. I bit my lip and stared at my feet, trembling one of my legs to try and calm myself. It's the lads. They're your friends. Get your arse in and face them...

Finished my cigarette and lit another, still not ready. I heard the door of the pub open and close, but only looked up when someone came to stand next to me.

'Can I borrow a smoke?,' a familiar voice asked. My eyes shot up and met Nicholls'. He smiled. I took the cigarette from between my lips and looked at him for another moment, until he pulled me in a tight embrace that I could only answer.

'Great to see you again. You look well,' he said. We let go of each other and I smiled too.

'Thanks...'

'How are you?'

'Fucking scared.' I handed him my pack of cigarettes and lighter and he took one and put it between his lips, lightening it and taking a drag.

'We haven't changed, Oli.'

'But I have...'

'I fucking hope you did,' Nicholls chuckled. 'For the better.' I made a face and we smoked in silence, then he pushed me towards the door. 'Come on, wuss. We're still you're friends.' I let him drag me in and followed him inside to the table in the back corner where we often sat before - in a different life.

'Look who we have here,' Nicholls cheered. Alison smiled encouragingly, and Lee and Kean got up and hugged me.

'Good to see you, mate,' Lee muttered.

'We missed you,' Kean said. I smiled weakly at them, sitting down and inhaling deeply to get rid of the tension in my body. A waitress came up and asked for drinks, and Lee and Nicholls ordered a pint. I was contemplating whether to get one too, but realized that it was probably not going to be a great idea with the medication I took, and I hadn't had alcohol in a long while now. So I ended up asking for an iced tea.