Party 'til you pass out / When the party's over

1.25

"My secrets are burning a hole through my heart
And my bones catch a fever
When it cuts you up this deep
It's hard to find a way to breathe"

I stopped and looked at Terry, who held up a finger in the air at me while adjusting some sliders on his board.

'Go again,' he said through the intercom. I sang the same verse again, followed by another, my eyes closed, my hands on my headphone, drowning out everything except for the lyrics I wrote when my mind had been a total mess.

"My secrets are burning a hole through my heart
And my bones catch a fever
When it cuts you up this deep
It's hard to find a way to breathe

Your eyes are swallowing me
Mirrors start to whisper, shadows start to sing
My skin's smothering me
Help me find a way to breathe"

I inhaled deeply after that, my eyes needing to adjust to the lights again. It had only been a moment, but singing always made me forget about the world around. I looked through the window into the studio; Nicholls was grinning at me, Jordan was putting two thumbs up. Lee and Kean nodded and Alison - Alison was setting my heart on fire with that look full of love pouring from her eyes. She folded her arms around her chest, smiling softly when she saw me looking. I chuckled to myself and bit the inside of my cheek, looking down at my hands that were fumbling on the hem of my shirt. Nerves were back.

'Can I go again?,' I asked Terry. He nodded, looked at his board and counted back from three to one with his fingers. I grabbed my headphones again, inhaled deeply and poured everything into the chorus.

"Time stood still

The way it did before

It's like I'm sleepwalking

Fell into another hole again

It's like I'm sleepwalking"

'Can we work with that, lads?,' I asked the rest. They all nodded or shrugged.

'We'll manage,' Kean said through the mic of the intercom.

'Cool.' I put the headphones down and walked out of the booth. 'I got the song ready, but I figured we just try to find the right music with it first.'

'Oli, I have an idea for the intro though,' Jordan said. I looked at him and nodded once to make him play. He pushed a button to alter the sound of his keyboard and played the same intro, but in a different synth.

'Dude, that sounds sick,' Lee said. Jordan grinned at him and then looked at me. I grinned back at him.

'I guess this is exactly what I dragged you in for,' I said. Jordan laughed.

'Who would've thought when we first met in that dusty music room in rehab.'

'Yeah, who would've,' I chuckled, thinking back of how eager he was to hear what I was doing, and how anxious I had been to let him know.

*

We had been in the studio until late in the evening. Making music again had opened our floodgates of creativity, and I loved the vibe in the band when it did. We had had fun with trying out new lyrics, vocals, instrumentals. Every time I looked around the room I was so proud at the lads, who had been with me from the start - except for Jordan. Me, Nicholls, Kean and Lee had been through so much, as friends and as band. We had a history together but had always stayed loyal to each other, and it showed during those long days in the studio. We played around, made fun of each other, annoyed the heck out of each other, calling the others names or trying to scare the shit out of one of us with a stupid prank. Jordan fitted right in, and I loved that. He was funny, witty, quick with remarks and seemed to be feeling in his place with us.