Party 'til you pass out / When the party's over

1.31

Oliver looked perplexed; his eyes fixed on my face as if he was expecting me to tell him I was just joking. There was a long silence between us, in which I looked at Oliver fussing around and trying to give himself some posture. He seemed highly uncomfortable, but I felt an inner peace I hadn't felt in ages.

'So -,' Oliver finally started after several minutes. His voice was hoarse and he seemed to search for words. 'How does this end with you and Brian?'

'He was the one who took care of me when I came home from the hospital. He and Lilian tried to make me feel better since I got in a depression and I just... I was numb. Not only had I been severly ill, I had also lost every chance on getting future kids in a natural way.' Oliver rubbed his face and let his hands cover his mouth as he looked at anything but me.

'I grew to hate you for being the one who did this to me. Brian and Lilian supported me in that time and I eventually picked up my studies and graduated, and I finally gave in to Brian's attempts at making me his girlfriend, because he had always been there for me and he was a good guy, so...' I sighed. 'Now you know.' Oliver shook his head and stared at the dashboard, his hands still in front of his mouth.

'Why haven't you told me before?!,' he asked, finally bringing his gaze up to me.

'I did.'

'Yeah, but without telling me I was the cause.'

'I'm sorry, I just never had a chance to -'

'You've had enough chances, Alison!'

'I know, I should've told you when Tom brought this up at the after party, but that night was already disastrous -'

'What? Tom brought this up? He knew about this?!,' Oliver let out. I clasped my hands in front of my mouth, knowing I had said too much already. 'How did he know about this?'

'Because I told him,' I whispered. 'I told him at Warped, after he asked me why I acted so strange around you.' Oliver inhaled sharply.

'Oh, there's so many things falling in place right now,' he muttered under his breath. 'For fuck's sake, Alison! Is there more that I don't know about you?!' I shrugged, fidgeting on a hole in my jeans. 'I'm seriously wondering if I even know you at all!' He had a point. Suddenly it dawned on me that despite our intense bonding in the past few months, Oliver and I didn't really know each other. Of course I knew about his anxiety and his struggles, and some people would say that knowing about the deepest feelings of your lover was more than just knowing them, but I also realized that I hadn't had a clue of all the superficial, stupid small facts about him, and he didn't know mine before we shared them in the past days. Maybe we jumped into this way too fast...

Another silence fell over us as we were both lost in our thoughts. Oliver eventually grunted and let his head fall on the steering wheel, hitting it with his forehead a few times and causing the claxon to hoot softly as he did.

'Oli...' He just held up his hand to me.

'Stop. I can't right now. I just can't. I'm -' He stopped mid-sentence and looked up at me, broken. 'I can't deal with this.' I looked back in horror.

'Why not?'

'I just really need some time to process this all, okay? I mean, fuck, you just dropped the bomb that I am the cause you can't hardly have kids because of an STD I might have given you?! And you never cared to tell me even once!'

'If it makes you feel any better; I never told my parents either. They still don't know! And I did tell you! How many times do I have to say that?!'

'Well, maybe a lot more than that you actually tried!,' Oliver yelled back at me. We stared at each other in fury, both breathing faintly and fast because of the anger that lit us from within.