Party 'til you pass out / When the party's over

2.7

'Pete, what do you think about doing this shoot yourself while I sit back and give you tips?,' I suddenly asked him. Everyone looked at me, and Peter gave me a nervous grin. 'You got this, I trust you. Just tell them what you want or need from them. They don't bite.' Nicholls and Jordan snorted, and Oliver shot me another dark look. I ignored him and leaned back at the table my laptop and two other screens were one, watching Peter struggle to get all five of the lads in the right spot. Lee and Jordan were joking to make him feel more comfortable, and I loved that. They had always been so kind - all of them, for that matter.

When Peter was done, he got behind the camera and gave me a quick, beaming look. I winked at him and looked back at the screens, where soon enough the first photos popped up.

This was the best I could do. I could live with being in the same room, and Peter doing the shoot. I didn't have to directly interact with Oliver, didn't have to give him clues on how to pose or move. I could do so via Peter and finish this shoot successfully. It would all be over soon.

Julia and one of the editors of the magazine came to have a look at the photos, and they liked what they saw.

'He's talented, isn't he?,' Julia asked, nodding to Peter, who had found his confidence and bossed the band around to get the photo he wanted. I nodded.

'He is.'

'Or maybe it's just because he is fucking gorgeous,' she smirked, pointing at Oliver when another photo popped up. I cringed a bit.

'Maybe,' I said, trying to sound indifferent, but deep down agreeing with her. Why? Why was he looking nothing less than stunning?! 'Pete?,' I said to distract myself. He looked up, and so did Oliver, making me forget what I wanted to say next for a short moment. 'Eh... Can you - can you try and put the ISO down to 400?' He frowned, but did as I said and shot another few photos.

'Better?,' he asked. I stared at the photos and narrowed my eyes, putting my hair behind my ears again. The photos got a bit darker and a little grainy, and that was exactly what I wanted. I put my thumb up and let him continue until we decided to take a short break.

I sighed deeply and walked back to the table against the wall to pour myself another coffee. Not that I needed it; my heartrate was already way too high. I shouldn't probably have another cup, since it would only trigger my anxiety even more, but I still took a sip and closed my eyes for a moment.

'Still drinking it as black as your soul, eh?,' I heard Nicholls say. I opened my eyes and looked at him. He smiled. 'Ey, stranger.' He stuck out his arm and without thinking, I hugged him. I felt tears well up in my eyes. Before I let go, I inhaled deeply and steadied myself on my feet. My legs were trembling, and I felt like breaking down right here and now. 'How are you holding up?'

'Barely,' I muttered. He gave me a pained smile.

'I know.'

'Is it that obvious?'

'Only for the people who know,' he confided, nudging my shoulder with his. 'It's good to see you again. You look great.'

'Thanks,' I smiled, looking at my feet.

'And just so you know; you're not the only one feeling extremely awkward,' he muttered as he picked up a bottle of water and walked off again. I stared after him, watching him join Oliver and say something to him. Oliver looked back at me, and I frowned and quickly busied myself with something. Peter's excited voice reached my ears, and I listened to him talk about music to Jordan and Kean, who smiled at his young enthusiasm. Nicholls and Lee joined them too, leaving Oliver on his own a bit away from the small group, scrolling his phone. He was chewing his lip and the inside of his cheek again, looking highly agitated at the other side of the room. My eyes found their way back to him and took him in for another moment, and the sight of him made me feel all kinds of mixed emotions. He had changed so much, and yet, he still looked so much like himself. His outfit looked like it was made for him; a black pair of trousers with a black and white blouse with short sleeves on it that looked very well on him. The graphic design on his blouse contrasted hard with the colourful tattoos on his left arm, and the blue tone in his hair.