Some Things Are Better Left Alone (phan)

(song: Pieces by Red)

Dan had spent the eight hour plane flight thinking about the past few years, from the very day he met Phil til now. He thought about all the good times they'd had - the jokes they'd shared, the trips, the laughter. He scrolled through his phone, grinning like an idiot at all the photos and short video clips.
As he walked through the airport, he caught a glimpse of his reflection in a glass pane, he looked rough. His hair was a mess of curls, his eyes were still red from crying and had bags under them, at least he was in his own clothes though.
A thought came to him as he studied his reflection. A thought that made his heart ache, but he didn't push it away. Instead he allowed his mind to fill with yet more questions - What was he planning to do once he got home? Would it be awkward being in the same room as Phil again? Would he ever be able to get over Phil? What if something like this happened again? He knew their friendship was strong enough to survive almost anything, but was he? Could he handle being around Phil all the time, sitting close to him, seeing his smile, looking in his eyes, smelling his cologne..? He shuddered and shook his head to clear it of all thoughts and continued walking to the exit.

Phil's phone buzzed and he tore his eyes away from the TV screen. He hadn't even been watching it, just sitting, zoned out, daydreaming about... What had he been thinking about? He couldn't even remember now. He picked up his phone.
A text from Dan: Just landed. Home in about 30
Phil jumped off the sofa and looked around the room anxiously, adjusting picture frames and moving small potted plants around the shelves. He wandered into Dan's room to get Dan's favourite candle and paused in the doorway, the faint scent of Dan lingered in the air, a lump began to form in Phil's throat but he managed to swallow it, reminding himself Dan would be home very soon. He grabbed the candle and bounced back into the lounge, placing it in the center of the table. He spent the next few minutes alternating between the lounge and his bedroom - perching awkwardly on the arm of the sofa and checking himself in the mirror.
Why was he so nervous? It was only Dan. He'd lived with the guy for years now, they'd seen each other at their worst many times before. But while he checked himself in the mirror one more time and heard the familiar sound of a key in the door downstairs, his stomach flipped and butterflies fluttered around madly. His hands shook slightly as he tugged at his shirt. He walked quickly to his bedroom door and hesitated, not sure whether to wait in the lounge or hallway. The decision was made for him when he stepped out of his bedroom just as Dan reached the top of the stairs.
"Hi." Phil smiled and waved awkwardly, then took in Dan's appearance. He looked awful.

Dan staggered up the last step and was greeted by a beaming Phil. Damn, it felt good to be home. He smiled despite feeling completely drained and wanting nothing more than to collapse onto his bed and sleep for a week.
"Welcome home." Phil moved forward to take the bag, his hand grazed over Dan's, causing them both to blush slightly.
"I'm so tired." Dan yawned as he followed Phil to his bedroom and watched him place the bag by the cupboard.
"Do you want to sleep?" Phil asked, his brow furrowing.
Dan shook his head but lay down on the bed anyway, "Don't go." He said as Phil turned to leave the room.
Phil stopped and turned again, looking questioningly at Dan, "Do you want a drink or something?"
Dan couldn't help smiling. Phil was always looking after him. He shook his head again, "Come, sit."
He saw Phil pause. It was less than a second, but it happened and Dan's mind flooded with those questions again, "Why didn't you tell me?" He heard himself ask and was a little startled by his own bluntness, but relieved he'd been able to get the question out. He needed to know.
Phil faltered and blinked a few times before replying, "I didn't want you to get hurt."
Dan almost laughed, but he bit his lip and considered Phil's words as a whole new set of questions bombarded him. They both sat in silence for a minute or two until once again, words found their way out of Dan's mouth without his brain's permission, "Why did you do it in the first place?"
Phil stared at Dan, a deep shade of red creeping up his neck, "I- We were drunk." He stammered out.
"I was drunk." Dan corrected.
Phil's mouth opened but no words came out.
"What if i get drunk again?" Dan asked, then shook his head and continued before Phil could reply, "Maybe i should move out. I don't want you feeling uncomfortable."
Phil made an odd noise, "No."
Dan saw tears spring into Phil's shocked eyes but he continued, "I can't stay here. Our friendship means too much for me to ruin it."
Phil shook his head, "You can't just leave," He said quietly, "Not now."
Dan raised an eyebrow in confusion, "Not now?"
Dan felt Phil's lips against his before he even realised Phil was moving. He lay there, not knowing how to respond. Was this even happening or was he imagining it? Phil pulled back slightly and rested his forehead on Dan's, "Not now, not ever." He whispered and Dan felt a tear drop onto his cheek, "You're my Dan and i can't lose you." Phil choked through his tears.
Dan felt a massive surge in his chest, a million different emotions rushing through him at once, he couldn't think, couldn't speak. What did Phil mean? What did any of this mean? Had Phil really just kissed him?
"Why?" Dan breathed the one word continuously circling his mind.
Phil moved his head away from Dan's and looked deep into his eyes, "Because i love you."

End

~

A/N - Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed it. 
Feel free to leave feedback.
I kinda struggled writing this a bit so i know some (or most) of it sucks, but oh well. This was my first venture back into writing after about 10years and i'm just really happy to have actually finished it.

Please check out my Phan one-shot "The Light", it's a lot better than this, heh.