Oliver
A few weeks went by, and I was getting restless again. Luckily for me there was a lot more to work on than just our new album, which was now in hands of our producer for a last overview, since Jordan and I were done mixing. Church was back in business, there was a new Drop Dead collection launching soon. Alison had been the one shooting the collection, and watching her become so happy from doing what she did best made me happy too. I hadn't been the only one who had missed working their job. Shooting Tom's proposal to Lizzy had been one of the first personal shoots Alison had done in a long time.
My parents had been over the moon when Tom and Lizzy announced their engagement at the first Sunday brunch after Malta. They showed them the photos; my mother cried, my father joked to me that this was what a proposal looked like. I waved him off, but later that day asked Alison if she had wanted a proposal like that.
'It doesn't matter to me how you did it, I'm just happy that you asked me,' was her answer to that, which calmed my sudden anxiety about not being good enough for her. She had kissed me deeply, and with that, I had my answer.
Her reaction to me telling her I wanted to quit therapy and stop all new medication except the ones for ADHD was something else, and I almost regretted it the moment I told her. We had been fighting about it back and forth for two days, with her being very against it, saying I had promised her, and me trying to convince her it was doing worse than good. Eventually she had gotten tired of fighting and gave in, telling me to do whatever I saw fit for my recovery. So I cancelled therapy, dropped the medication that didn't work for me anyway, and I had felt relieved ever since. After two weeks, Alison noticed I was doing stable without, and she calmed down over the issue.
I found my peace in my music, and now the album was almost done, I felt like I was in the right spot mentally.
'Holy fuck,' I let out under my breath. Both Parasite Eve and Kingslayer had come back from our producer, and I had finished listening to them for the first time. My phone went off and I picked up Jordan.
'Dude, have you –'
'I have. Fuck,' I interrupted him. Jordan laughed.
'This is mental.'
'Sure is. Alison was right – Babymetal really adds that edge we were looking for,' I said, starting the track again.
'You were also right at having recorded her voice for Parasite Eve.'
'Glad I could talk her into it,' I chuckled, remembering how she had agreed on recording something for this album. I had told her I didn't need her to sing but just say a few sentences, and that made her willing to lent her voice for the song. Nonetheless, she was still nervous doing so, and was almost more perfectionistic about it than me.
Jordan and I talked about some other tracks that were due any day now, since the release of the album was in about six weeks. We were cramping it. There were a few exciting collabs on this album that had blew me away with the results. The whole band had been working really hard in the past months to push out all these songs, and a few more that weren't finished, but we saved for maybe the next album. We had decided to make it a series of records, so I doubted that we would take a break from creating music after this. We found inspiration in everything, and the more I wrote, the more the story I wanted to tell came up in my head. Jordan was in on it, and the other three cared more about the music than the lyrics in general, so it felt like I had a free hand in writing.
'Ali?,' I hollered. Nothing. 'Al?!'
'What?' I heard her walk down the hallway and looked up when the door to the studio opened.
'You've got to hear this,' I just said, pulling her in my lap and starting Parasite Eve again.
'Wait, is that –'
'Yeah,' I grinned at her. Alison focused on the music and rolled her eyes when her voice popped up.
'That sounds really good,' she said when the song was over.
'Wait until you hear this.' I started Kingslayer, and her eyes went wide.
'Oh, shit!'
'I know, right?' I watched her reaction when Babymetal joined in, and Alison's face lit up. She grinned at me and moved her head to the beat of the music.
'That's insane,' she let out afterwards, clapping her hands. 'In-sane, Oli.' I laughed at her reaction and nodded my head. 'Do you have more?'
'No, this is it for now. Full album should be back in a few days.'
'I'm so excited!,' Alison said. She cupped my face and kissed me. 'And so proud of you, and the lads.'
'I didn't do anything special,' I said.
'You recorded and mixed an entire fucking album from home, Oli. After an intense lockdown and a mental breakdown.' I smiled a bit and shrugged.
'Just another day in my life, eh?'
'Don't try to down play it, you guys made something incredible with the little resources you had –' She looked around the studio, filled with quality equipment. 'Well, I mean, without going to a big studio like you were used to. You recorded everything apart from each other, and still Jordan and you threw it together and made it sound awesome.'
'Okay, okay, I'd love for you to keep the compliments coming,' I grinned at her. Alison laughed and nudged my shoulder.
'When is the video shoot for Teardrops?,' she then asked.
'Next week.'
'Good. So... Eh, I got a request for an editorial photoshoot this coming weekend.' Her eyes met mine and she smiled. 'In London. I thought, maybe we can go spend the weekend there and see my parents again. It's been a while.'
'Hmm, I'd love to, you know that. But I think with the record coming out and all...' My voice quieted down at seeing her slight disappointed face. I put some hair behind her ear. 'I'm sorry, it's just crazy busy right now, love.'
'I understand...'
'But we'll go see your parents when things quiet down again, okay?'
'Sure.' She smiled a bit and slid off my lap, walking up to the door.
'Ali?'
'Yeah?'
'I'm really proud of you too.' Her face softened.
'As you should,' she said sassily, throwing her hair over her shoulder with a playful smirk. I chuckled and shook my head when she left, then focused back on my music again.
*
Another day, another fight. Alison was bound to drive down to London this afternoon and stay in the apartment for two nights, and she wanted Tom to stay with me. I had looked at her as if she was mental, then almost exploded at her idea. We had been yelling to each other about Tom babysitting me, until Alison had thrown in my face that she didn't want another death scare by me anymore. At that, I had fallen quiet, feeling hurt. She didn't trust me. After all this time, she still didn't trust me to be alone. And I couldn't even blame her.
'Hey.' It was the first time in two hours she spoke to me again. I looked up from the email on my computer.
'What?' She came in hesitantly, biting her lip.
'I'm leaving.'
'Okay,' I just said, looking back at my email again.
'Tom will be here in a few.'
'Fine.'
'Oli?'
'I'm trying to work...,' I muttered tiredly, my eyes scanning the email again before I hit send. When I looked back, Alison was gone. I sighed and got up.
'Ali...' I petted Luna on her head when she came up to me as I walked into the hallway. Alison had her shoes on and was now putting on her jacket. Her hurt eyes met mine, and I pulled her in my arms.
'I'm sorry,' I said. Her body relaxed a bit and she wrapped her arms around my waist, hiding her face in my chest.
'I'm sorry too,' her muffled voice sounded. Then she looked up at me. 'I just don't want you –'
'I know. And I appreciate you looking out for me, but...' I shrugged and decided to leave it; Tom was on his way, and I didn't mind hanging out with my brother anyway, so I decided to make the most out of it. I cupped her face and kissed her. 'Tell your parents I said hi,' I told her. 'And have fun on your shoot.' Alison smiled and thanked me, then grabbed her bag and said goodbye. I watched her until she drove off in my car before closing the front door.
Some time later, Tom arrived, and neither of us talked about the real reason he was here. We decided to play a videogame and ordered pizza for dinner. Our game was intense and we had fun, bickering about our fighting on the tv as only brothers could.
'What kind of shoot is Alison doing this weekend?,' Tom asked while he proceeded to slaughter my character. I made a disapproving sound and threw my controller on the couch. He chuckled and paused the game, taking a last sip of his beer.
'Something editorial. Not really her passion, but it pays in these hard times.' I yawned and stretched a little; we had been hanging on the couch for a hours now. 'You want another?,' I asked, pointing at the beer he had finished. Tom shrugged and I got up to get us both another beer. He thanked me when I came back and handed him a new bottle.
'It's been a while since we hung out like this,' he said as I sat down.
'You mean since you babysat me? Oh, yeah, totally,' I said sarcastically. Tom snorted and shook his head, gulping down his sip of beer before answering me.
'I'm not here to babysit you, Oli.'
'Then why else?,' I asked, leaning back in the couch and looking at my phone when it buzzed from a text.
'I'm here to keep you company.'
'To keep me from doing stupid things.'
'Exactly,' Tom threw back at me, a bit defiantly. 'Because we all know what happened last time Alison left you home alone.'
'I was in a bad place back then,' I countered. 'I am not, now.'
'Fair enough, but you still traumatized your wife by playing dead.' Tom raised his eyebrows at me with a challenging look, and I sighed and looked away from him.
'I don't know how I can ever make that right to her again,' I muttered.
'Me neither. It's been heavy on her.'
'Well, it's been heavy on me too...' Tom shrugged at that and we stayed quiet for a while. 'Do you know what tipped me over the edge, though?,' I then asked him.
'No?' His bright blue eyes looked at me in anticipation, and I sighed before answering.
'You telling me I didn't deserve her.' A tense silence followed my words, in which we stared at each other until Tom tore his eyes from mine while he let out a long exhale, looking troubled.
'I know I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it. I was just fucking frustrated and angry at you for falling down that hole again, and seeing what it did to Ali,' he said quietly.
'Hmm. Still, it fucked me up real hard,' I confided in him. Tom bit his lip and looked in a different direction for a while.
'I'm sorry,' he then said, his voice sounding a bit hoarse. I nodded quietly as I looked at him again. 'I regret saying it. Alison and you – you two belong together. There is no one that understands you better than her, and there is no one that makes her feel more alive than you do. And Oli, honestly - you do deserve her. After all, you're her favourite Sykes anyway.' His eyes gleamed with joy now, and I let out a laugh at his words.
'Not that again,' I grunted, throwing my head back on the backrest of the couch. Tom laughed too.
'I'm over it, trust me,' he chuckled. 'I have Lizzy, and I wouldn't want it any other way.' I looked at him and the way his eyes lit up when he talked about her, wondering whether I looked like that too when I talked about Alison.
'I'm happy for you,' I told him. 'And I am really proud of you.' Tom frowned at that and looked at me.
'Are you getting all sappy, bro?,' he asked, weirded out. I smiled and shook my head.
'I'm not. Can't I just tell my little brother I am happy for him that he found the love of his life and is working on their future together?' Tom grinned goofily and threw a pillow at my head. 'Oi!'
'As long as I get to tell my big brother how proud I am at him for overcoming yet another set back, getting his life back together while working on new music and loving the girl that was made for him.' I huffed a bit at his words and threw the pillow back in his face. Now Tom chuckled and we looked at each other for a moment.
'Okay, enough with the sentimental shit. Let me kick your ass in a new round,' I then said, picking up my controller and starting a new game. We spent another few hours like that, gaming until the early hours. We slept in the following day, decided to go out for food at Church while taking the dogs with us, and then started our brotherly gaming sessions out all over again. It eased my mind and mended my heart to be with Tom like this, and for the first time in a long while I felt whole again.
*
Alison
Video shoots often took long days of work, and were really tiring for the sole reason that nearly every scene was shot at least a few times to pick the best material from. Still, I loved to hang around on set, although I didn't add much since my expertise were photo shoots. But I just wanted to be with Oliver while he shot the video for Teardrops, and the fact that Tom and even Peter would be around too was a nice extra. I hadn't seen Peter in a long while because of covid, but since I knew he was interested in getting to learn how to video, I figured he could come with us today. Oliver knew him and didn't mind, and Tom could learn him a few skills behind the scenes.
It was the first day, and Oliver would be shooting alone this morning. Most of the scenes for the video were solely him, and if things went according to schedule, the band would only join later today at a different location. We now were at a studio set, build to look like a tore down house. I had seen the mood board and visuals for the video, and I knew what the song was about – Oliver's extensive drug use. He had pitched most of the ideas for the video, and although I understood him, I didn't like to be reminded about all the problems his addiction had caused for many people.
'Are you ready?,' I asked Oliver as he came back from make-up and stood beside me, looking at the messy bedroom set covered in pills, medication bottles, shots and other drug-related items.
'I guess.' He bit his lip as his eyes trailed the scene. He looked handsome; I had just died his hair this weekend, and it was now half black, half dark green – a weird request from him that I had just raised my eyebrows at but obliged in, since I guessed it fitted the vision he had for this video. The sleeves of the oversized sweater he was wearing over a white blouse were covering his hands, which were fidgeting on his trousers. Oliver bit the inside of his cheek, while looking at the business on set, waiting to be called.
'Hey,' I said quietly, letting my fingers find his under his long sleeve. He looked down on me and smiled when I leaned in to kiss him. 'Don't be anxious.'
'I'm not.'
'You are.' I cocked an eyebrow at him and he chuckled quietly, bringing his hand up to let his fingers put some hair behind my ear.
'You know me too well.'
'Hmm, I've spent so many years in your presence, I just know how to read you,' I said. Oliver smiled, his eyes staring into mine.
'I love you,' he muttered.
'Oli, you're on!,' someone yelled. I let him kiss me again and before I could say something, he left and walked on set. He was directed to sit on the end of the bed, got some instructions from the director, had some final touches done by an assistant and then the song started playing.
I stood behind the camera and watched him act out the first scene of the video, my eyes jumping between him in real life and him on the screen.
'It's scary how well he plays being high,' Tom's voice said when Oliver laid on his back on the bed with an empty look in his wide eyes. I looked at him and Peter for a second.
'It is, it creeps me out,' I muttered, looking back at the screen. I had seen his entire face be empty like that many, manytimes, and seeing it now triggered something in me.
'Cut,' the director yelled. All of a sudden, Oliver's eyes came back to life and he sat back up, shaking his head a bit. His looked over the people behind the camera until he found me, and then he smiled. I winked at him and saw him chuckle quietly before his attention was pulled by the director giving him some clues. They then proceeded to shoot that scene another few times, and went on with the one where a demon-like figure crawled on top of him while he seemed to be asleep. It took some time before both Oliver and the director were content with the material, Oliver often walking up to the screen to replay what had just been shot. He seemed focused and determined, and I knew that nothing would keep him from finishing this video today – even if it took to after midnight.
For another while they filmed him in an empty hallway, Oliver acting out as if he was losing his mind, and again, it triggered something in me that made it hard for me to watch him. I excused myself and went back to the dressing room, letting out a long exhale to calm myself down. The song was still playing on set, over and over again, and the more I listened to the lyrics, the more I realized how deeply down Oliver had actually been. Nothing makes me sadder than my head. I grimaced at hearing that line and sat down on a chair, taking my phone from my pocket and trying to distract myself by scrolling social media for a while and reading up on comments and DM's I had received after posting a teaser photo of the set this morning.
'There you are,' Oliver's voice said after a long while. I looked up at him coming in, and he closed the door behind him. 'Are you okay?' I nodded as I put my phone down and gave him a smile. He came up to me and pulled me from the chair, wrapping his arms around me before locking his eyes on mine. 'You sure?' I wanted to say yes, but couldn't get the word over my lips.
'It's harder than I imagined, seeing you like this,' I muttered, my fingers fumbling on the collar of his blouse. He frowned a bit.
'Like what?'
'Like you were when you –' I sighed deeply and shook my head. 'Never mind. It's just a video shoot.' Oliver chuckled and pulled me closer, kissing my forehead. I hid my face in his chest and sighed deeply, closing my eyes to focus on telling myself it was just a video shoot and not Oliver being drugged out in real life.
'I'm sorry I put that trauma on you,' he whispered. I nodded quietly. 'I don't know how to make that right to you again.'
'Just promise me you will never get that low again without talking to me about it. Let me help you, love.' I looked up at him with pleading eyes. 'You know you don't have to do it all alone.'
'I know...'
'Promise me.'
'I promise,' he said. I smiled a bit, and Oliver kissed me one more time before the door opened and Tom and Peter barged in.
'Oh, sorry. Are we disturbing something?,' Tom asked with a meaningful glance at us. We laughed and shook our heads, and to my regret Oliver let go of me and got into conversation with the stylist.
There were two other scenes to be filmed now, one of him lying on the floor, surrounded with everything destructive he had ever used in his life, and although it was pretty hard to watch, visually the scene looked great. For the last scene this morning, Oliver got undressed and smirked when he saw me looking, then went up on set and sank down in a bathtub full of pitch-black water.
'This is nice and warm,' he laughed. I sat on the edge of the bath, running my fingers through the warm water. 'Let's take a bath together tonight,' he then muttered quietly, looking up at me. I smiled.
'Sure.' We didn't use the bath at home that often, but when we did, it was mostly on Oliver's initiative, and only because he needed to calm down from whatever was bothering him. Him asking me to take a bath with him was his way of asking to help him relax. I bet the vibe of the video was triggering something in him too.
'Filming in a few!,' Tom told me. I kissed Oliver and got up, leaving the set and taking my place behind the screen again. Oliver stared at the camera, slowly submerged under the pitch-black water and blew a few air bubbles up.The scene was vulnerable, and again I pushed away the heavy feeling it gave me.
'Time for a break!,' an assistant hollered when the director called cut and decided it was enough. Oliver got out and dried himself off before getting dressed again in his outfit, making me pout a bit since I hardly liked anything better than stare at him being half naked. And he knew.
After lunch break it was time to move location and shoot the scenes in the water, and I was a bit hesitant about those since they seemed intense. Oliver, though, was in a great mindset and seemed to have lost his anxiety. He was in his element now. As long as he got to perform and do his creative thing, it was all okay.
We were at a pool for Oliver to drown in, and he stood on the edge of it. A bit away from the pool, the instruments of the rest of the band were set up already, and the crew did a quick check.
'It's fucking cold,' Oliver said when he dipped his hand in the pool.
'Don't be such a diva,' Tom hollered at him, making me and Peter laugh. Oliver splashed a handful of water at us and we jumped back.
'Oi, watch out for the equipment!,' someone yelled.
'Sorry!,' Oliver chuckled. I shook my head at his childishness.
'Oli, are you ready?,' the director asked. He nodded and got up, waiting for the sign to start again. The camera man was already in the water in a wetsuit.
'Three, two, one – and fall,' the director called from behind the screen when the music started playing again. Oliver let himself fall into the water backwards and let himself sink into it, and I stared at the ripples in the water when he disappeared out of my sight.
'Don't worry, he'll be fine,' Tom said as he passed me. I just shrugged and couldn't help but worry a bit, watching the screen where Oliver acted out frantically singing the lyrics of the song under water. Filming the scene repeated itself a few more times, until everyone was happy. At last, Oliver jumped in again and let himself sink down for a long moment before Tom went up to the edge of the pool to stick his hand into the water, as if to give Oliver a second chance at life. He came back up and took a deep breath, pulling himself up on the edge with some difficulty because of his heavy, wet clothes. He shook his hair and got up, dripping wet. Someone handed him a towel and he wrapped it around himself.
'Go get warmed up somewhere for a moment,' the director said. Oliver's eyes fell on me and he came up to.
'No, no, NO!,' I squealed when he grinned and came my way. I tried to get away from him, but he was too fast and he pulled me in his arms. I laughed and screamed at the same time as his soaked outfit ruined mine in a cold embrace. 'Why?!,' I whined, shivering. Oliver chuckled.
'He told me to get warmed up, and what better place to do so than at the hottest thing around?,' he said. I made a face at his corny joke and tried to push him away, but his arms wrapped around me a little tighter and he pulled me a bit away from the rest of the people.
'Oli,' I muttered, looking over his shoulder to see if anyone had noticed us. He shut me up by putting his lips on mine and softly pushing me in the wall a bit. I forgot about the cold wetness for a moment until someone behind us scraped their throat. Oliver pulled away from me and looked back while biting his lip to hide a grin. Peter cocked an eyebrow at us, then nodded his head towards the pool. Oliver sighed, kissed me one last time and then took me with him back to the set. The rest of the band had arrived and was getting ready to play their instruments. Oliver goofed around with them for a moment, until it was time to shoot again. To make the scene look like he had literally just been pulled out of the water, someone threw a bucket of water over his head again, making him gasp loudly.
'Couldn't be bothered to at least use warm water?!,' he let out in shock. I laughed a bit, as did the assistant who had emptied the bucket over his head.
'Sorry,' she said while making a face at him. Oliver chuckled and playfully waved her apology away, making her bite her lip to hide a smile as her cheeks went red. I looked at her, internally having fun about her getting so shy in his presence, knowing exactly how she felt. Oliver had that annoying ability to make you go shy with just a meaningful look or that famous smirk of his, and I knew I was by far not the only one being a victim of that. Even Peter still was, which amused me a whole lot.
'Ready to shoot?,' the director called. Oliver and the lads nodded, and got in position. The music started playing again while he was kneeling down, still dripping wet. He then looked up at the lads and grabbed a mic from the ground, jumping up and starting to sing along with the song while the band played. They did this another few times, until Oliver was shivering and catching his breath from headbanging and jumping around.
'Alright, that was it, boys! It's a wrap!,' the director called loudly, clapping his hands. Everybody on set cheered and clapped, and the same assistant that had poured the water, now handed Oliver a towel. He thanked her with a smile and she had the same reaction, her eyes trailing after him when he walked up to me, Tom and Peter.
'Stop making all the girls swoon over you,' Tom joked, rolling his eyes.
'What?,' Oliver asked with a frown. I chuckled; I knew he didn't always do it on purpose, and by far didn't notice the reaction of some of the girls he had been around.
'Oh, I get her,' Peter shrugged. We all laughed at that and he smirked, his cheeks heating up too when Oliver put his arm around his shoulder and pulled him in. Peter let out a yelp at the wet embrace and tore away, then looked at Oliver.
'Never thought I would say this, but damnit Oli, stop making me wet!' At that, me and Tom lost it and we laughed, Oliver chuckling too.
'I like making people wet,' he said, his eyes meeting mine. My laugh quieted down and Tom made a disgusted sound.
''lright, that's our cue to go, Pete.' He threw us a nasty look and pulled Peter away from us, laughing. Oliver watched after them and then pulled me in a hug. I shivered at his clothes soaking mine again, but didn't want to pull away. After a long day of intense shooting, in his arms was exactly where I wanted to be.
'Thanks for being with me today,' he said. I smiled.
'Where else would I be?,' I asked. Oliver shrugged a bit.
'I don't know, but I just love knowing that you're always close by. It eases my mind,' he muttered.
'Good to know, because you'll never get rid of me again,' I chuckled before I kissed him. Oliver's lips smiled against mine.
'And I don't want to. I know I promised you a lot, and I couldn't keep up to some of those promises, but... I also promised you forever, and no matter what, that's exactly what I'll stay true to.' There was a silence between us as we just looked at each other and my eyes took in the soft, loving look on his face. I scanned his features, his sharp jawline, prone cheekbones and greenish brown eyes still making me fall in love with him after all these years. God, I loved him so much. Then I chuckled at a random memory of many years ago.
'What?,' Oliver whispered at that. I shook my head.
'Who would've thought, though,' I said, smiling a bit. 'That we would eventually end up together after the shitty start we had.' Oliver laughed shortly.
'Surely not me,' he then said, rolling his eyes and pushing some hair behind my ear before kissing me deeply. And as always, my heart ran off and my knees weakened, and I felt like the luckiest girl on earth to be the one getting to spend a life with him.