FNAF text messages (Fazbear and friends edition)

SYSTEM ALERT – LABABY HAS ASCENDED BEYOND THE CONCEPT OF EXISTENCE. ALL THINGS NOW BEND TO HER WILL
Mike – I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE
Lababy – grinning You never had a choice.

THE COSMIC ORDER HAS BEEN OBLITERATED. EVERYTHING NOW EXISTS AS LABABY COMMANDS.
Jax – 50,000 Faz coins says she remakes reality in the dumbest way possible
Lababy – snapping fingers Challenge accepted

REALITY REBOOTING... PLEASE HOLD...

NEW UNIVERSE LOADING:

Space is now made of soft marshmallow

All sentient beings must wear sunglasses at all times

Time functions only when Lababy feels like it

Gravity operates on a subscription basis

Seals control the stock market

The concept of logic has been permanently replaced with interpretive dance

Mike – THIS IS NOT HOW THE UNIVERSE SHOULD WORK
Lababy – I disagree.

THE SEALS HAVE FULLY EMBRACED THEIR DIVINE PURPOSE. THEY NOW LEAD INTERGALACTIC RELIGIOUS CEREMONIES.
Pomni – WHY ARE WE BOWING TO SEALS
Lababy – Because they demand it.

SYSTEM ALERT – THE SEALS HAVE BUILT A MASSIVE GOLDEN SHRINE TO LABABY. WORSHIP HAS BEGUN.
Jax – 100,000 Faz coins says they perform ritual dances to summon divine fish
SYSTEM ALERT – THE SEALS HAVE BROKEN THE LAWS OF PHYSICS TO MATERIALIZE INFINITE FISH

Mike – WHY DO THEY HAVE REALITY-BENDING POWERS NOW
Lababy – Because I said so.

LABABY DECIDES THAT KNOWLEDGE SHOULD BE EARNED THROUGH EXTREME PHYSICAL CHALLENGES.
SYSTEM ALERT – ALL EDUCATION IS NOW REPLACED WITH ELABORATE GAME SHOWS
Freddy – Mike, if you want to learn algebra, you need to wrestle an alligator first
Mike – screaming WHY

SYSTEM ALERT – LABABY HAS PERSONALLY REWRITTEN HUMAN HISTORY
Pomni – reading history book WHY DOES IT SAY ELVIS WAS A SEAL EMPEROR
Lababy – Because that's funnier.
Jax – 500,000 Faz coins says she rewrites the moon's history next
SYSTEM ALERT – THE MOON IS NOW OFFICIALLY LABABY'S PERSONAL THRONE

Mike – THIS IS BEYOND REPAIR
Lababy – It never needed repair.

THE SEALS HAVE ACHIEVED TOTAL CONTROL OVER THE MULTIVERSE. ALL LIFE NOW EXISTS AS A CONSTANT MUSICAL NUMBER.
Sun – NAUGHTY CHILD, END THE CHAOS
Lababy – No.
SYSTEM ALERT – SUN HAS BEEN MUTED

Mike – YOU CAN'T JUST MUTE THE SUN
Lababy – Watch me.

SYSTEM ALERT – LABABY HAS ERASED THE CONCEPT OF CONSEQUENCES. ACTIONS NO LONGER HAVE REACTIONS.
Mike – THIS IS PEAK MADNESS
Lababy – You're welcome.

Jax – 1,000,000 Faz coins says she consumes all remaining logic in one bite
Lababy – opening void-like mouth Challenge accepted.

SYSTEM ALERT – LOGIC HAS BEEN DEVOURED. EVERYTHING NOW EXISTS AS PURE CHAOS.
Pomni – sobbing Why is EVERYTHING DANCING?!
Lababy – Because it can.

SYSTEM ALERT – THE COSMIC ORDER HAS BEEN OFFICIALLY REPLACED WITH PURE LABABY ENERGY. ALL THINGS BEND TO HER WHIMS.
Mike – I HAVE LOST ALL SENSE OF REALITY
Freddy – Mike, reality doesn't exist anymore.