After All This Time// Sebastian Sallow x Reader Hogwarts Legacy Fanfiction

Sebastian's POV//

I hated myself for how I was treating her. 

I wanted to avoid talking about my fucking issues so bad, that I made her feel like it was my fault. I knew she could tell something was up with me after class, and I have been avoiding her since. 

Y/n was the only one who could ever tell when I started to overthink things like I was. I know she only wanted to talk to me about it, but I just couldn't. I knew she wasn't going to let up until I was honest with her, but I didn't know that I was ready to do that just yet. 

I know she understood things that went on with me on a deeper level, even more so than even Ominis, her having done a lot of the same things that I have in the past. 

It bothered me that I ever went down that path to begin with in my fifth year. The fact that I was willing to go so far. I did so many terrible things that almost no one knew about, except for y/n and Ominis. 

I still couldn't see why she wanted to be with someone like me in the first place. She saw firsthand everything I did. She witnessed as I murdered someone in my own family. And for some sick twisted reason, she still wanted me after all that. I would never understand her. 

I was so disgusted with myself after everything I'd done, I didn't want to taint her.  She is so fucking perfect that I feel like anything I do at this point will ruin her. 

Pursuing the people that were in the cave scares me for the fact that I might find myself doing awful things again. And I absolutely would do something awful, if it came down to saving y/n's life. 

I had been sitting by the fireplace in the commons for a while now, waiting for her to come back. Even if she didn't want to speak with me after that, I just wanted to make sure she actually came back tonight before I headed off to bed. 

It was late, and she needed to come back. I decided I'd give her one more hour, and then I'd go looking for her. 

I sighed at how badly I was contradicting myself right now. I know that she would be better off if she had nothing to do with me at all, but I needed her. I needed to be around her. She was everything to me, and I hated myself for the fact that I couldn't just let her go and live her life. I had to complicate things by befriending her again, and then I messed it up even more when I kissed her. 

I don't regret kissing her at all, but it was selfish of me to do it in the first place. I shouldn't have gotten involved with her again at all. 

I had to choose what I was going to do. I needed to either cut her off completely, or I needed to be all in with her. After everything that's happened with us in the last few weeks, I know there would be absolutely no going halfway with her. 

When I saw Imelda enter the dorms, I had the bright idea to talk to her about it. She's never been known for being nice, but I know she would be nothing less than honest with me about anything I asked her. 

"Hey Imelda, can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked, approaching her.

"Make it quick," she said. "I have to get to bed soon."

"I wanted your opinion on something regarding y/n," I stated. 

"Okay, spit it out."

"Well I've been thinking about whether or not I'm good for her. Do you think I'm a bad influence on her?"

"She's the happiest she's been a while, seeing as you two have.. whatever it is, going on now," she replied without hesitation. "I know you both went through a lot, and even though I don't know the extent of it, she has been having less nightmares since you two started hanging out again."

"Do you think she would be better off without me?" I asked.

"I think that's a ridiculous notion," she laughed. "You sound so stupid right now. Y/n is crazy about you, and from what I can tell, you're pretty crazy about her. I think it would absolutely shatter her permanently if you were to ever break things off with her. I mean, we all saw what happened after her birthday."

"Yeah, I suppose so," I said, pondering what Imelda told me. 

"Are you done with me now? May I go to bed?"

"Yes Imelda," I chuckled. "Thank you."

"No problem," she said as she turned and walked away. 

I mean, I knew all of those things. I know she likes me- I'd be a fool not to notice it. It does hurt me to be away from her, and I wonder if it's been like that for her too.

I have to find her. I feel so stupid right now. What kind of moron am I?

_______________

Side note, I was playing the game today and noticed that I've been inaccurately describing where the seventh year dorm rooms are in the Slytherin commons. Rather than being in the tunnel-like hallways with all the others, they're actually each up a set of stairs to the left of the commons from where you enter. 

I just wanted to point out that I recognize the inaccuracy, but I am absolutely too lazy to go back through and change the description of the millions of times I mentioned them heading towards their rooms. 

Thanks!