~~I'm addicted to you~~

Woo well done... the title for this chapter was sooooo creative.
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~selfharm~ ~other sad themes~

"NOOO PLEASE DON'T HURT HIM I WAS THE ONE WHO DID,IT NOT HIM!"  Dan woke up sweating with tears covering his face. Nightmares were occurring quite frequently since the accident and Dan grew more and more restless each night.

Today was the day Dan had to upload a video just to tell the fans that he and Phil wouldn't be uploading for a while.

Dan got up and switched his phone on.
  • 3:30 am •
"Why the hell do I have to get up this early.Jesus Christ." Dan whispered into the dark.

He grabbed a quick cold shower and headed into his own room to grab some jeans and a jumper. If he wore Phils clothes in a video the phandom would be onto him like crazy and he couldn't deal with the extra attention at the moment.

"Hello internet..
so you may have been wondering why Phil and I haven't been active recently and I can't tell you exactly what has happened just yet.  Once things get a little better I'll open up about it more.
Anyway that's all I need to say
Bye."

Dan turned off the camera and immediately started balling his eyes out. He couldn't deal with the ache inside of his chest and didn't know what to do.

"Just once. And then I'll stop. For Phil"
Dan dug into the back of his draw and pulled out the sharp blade.
He walked into the dimly lit bathroom and stood over the sink

1 cut
2 cuts
3 cuts...

Blood trickled down his arm and into the sink.
Dan looked into the mirror. All he could see was a boy, red face and puffy eyes from crying, bags under his eyes and matted hair from showering but not brushing it.

He turned on the tap and washed his arm till it had stopped bleeding.

"Why am I like this? 2 years fucking clean and then I go and wreck it for myself! Well done Dan. If Phil wakes up he's gonna be that disappointed in you he will end up leaving, Then what are you gonna do?!"

• buzz buzz •
1 text message from  Louise✨

Hey dan should of rang earlier... what hotel are you and phil staying at? You didn't come on the same plane so we assumed you caught a different one to us... text us the address and we will be right over  x.x see you later

Dan read the message and his eyes teared up again.

He decided to ring Louise... he wasn't going to suffer alone this time, he needed support and Louise was like a sister to him.

• ringing Louise✨ •
" hey dan how are you?"

"..."

"Dan?? Are you ok?"

"No...Phils in the hospital a-and he's in a coma and it's all be-b-because of me and I self harmed again and I miss him Louise, I want Him back."

"Oh my gosh dan! We all thought you went on a different flight... I'm trying to think what we can do.. first thing.. Dan please don't self harm... do it for Phil please... I could get the next flight to London and help you but I don't think it would work?!"

"Don't be silly Louise your fans are at vidcon excited to see you..."

That's when it struck Dan. His and Phils fans had came across all over the world see them and they weren't even in the right country.

"Shit! Louise what am I going to do about the fans at vidcon i feel so bad?!"

"I wish I could help Dan but  I don't know... once Phil is better we could do a youtuber meet up thing in London but don't think about that now, you need to think about you and Phil."

Dans face dropped... "that's if he does get better"he mumbled.
"Well I'm gonna go now Louise.. I'll update you soon thanks so much by the way... bye"

"Bye hunny ... look after yourself please and if you need anyone ring me straight the way ! Bye"

Dan ended the call and tried to think of something to do to take his mind off of things.

He sat up from the bathroom floor and walked back into his room and noticed his piano

He remembered that last time he played it, Phil was out shopping and Dan was trying to learn the song:
'I was made for loving you' By Ed Sheeran and Tori Kelly.
He practiced and practiced hoping that he would pluck up the courage to sing it to Phil.

He should've just gone for it as he might not have the chance anymore.

Dan decided to play from the chorus.
He also learnt to sing that song to fit his voice just so it was extra special...

"I was made for loving you. Even though we may be hopeless hearts just passing through ... and .. erm GODDAMMIT I HAVE FORGOT SUCH A SIMPLE SONG! IM SUCH A FRICKEN FAILURE I MIGHT JUST GO AND CUT MYSELF TILL I BLEED TO DEATH!"

Dan got up stormed out into the bathroom again. The blood hadn't completely washed away since half and hour ago but Dan didn't mind.

1 cut
2 cuts
3 cuts
And one more just to do it.

He headed into Phils room and clambered into his bed. Dan loved Phils bed because it smelt like him.
Phil smelt like lavender and honey and every time dan was near Phil he cherished the smell.

Dan soon feel asleep imagining that phil was in bed with him, slowly stroking his hair till he fell asleep.

Sooooo I kinda liked this chapter for several reasons ... but I'd rather not say :) hope your enjoying it so far x.x.

Remember self harm is never the way do please don't do it... talk to someone or even me?? :)