~~I'm addicted to you~~

~self harm.~

Dan decided to get up and go to the bathroom. He didn't like damaging himself but it was his only escape.
He moved Phil onto his pillow, trying not to wake him up.

He stared at himself in the mirror. The bruises still hadn't gone but were now turning a kind of browny colour.

Why couldn't Dans parents accept that he's gay?

1 cut

Why would his own mother force Dan to see his horrid father?

2 cuts

Why doesn't his parents just leave him alone?

3 cuts

Then more things came to Dans mind.
The memories.. the terrible memories.
The times when Dan felt like he had no voice. He had to stay there and let it all happen... he couldn't fight back or cry because that would make it worse.

The times when the teachers used to ask why Dan would have a mark on his face.

4 cuts

The times when he used to break down in front of his friends whenever they mentioned their own parents.

Dan was about to cut himself the fifth time when Phil came in and found Dan staring at his arm which was oozing with crimson blood.

"Stop it now Dan! Stop it! Give me the blade now!"

Normally Phils voice was calm and gentle, but this time it was filled with what sounded like anger and disappointment.

"Let me go Phil... let me go."

"Shut up Dan! Your stupid for doing this to yourself... to me!"

Phil leaned over to grab the blade but Dans quick reflexes held it back.

"Dan! Pass me the blade! Now!"

"No.. leave me alone Phil."
Dans voice cracked into a little sob while a few tears rolled down his flustered cheeks.

Phil grabbed the blade but Dan didn't notice so he pulled it back and cut Phil on the hand.

"Dan you fucking cut me! Pass me the blade before this gets any worse"

"I'm sorry Phil... but I'm not giving you it"

Phil glanced at his hand. It was a pretty deep cut. It stung a little but he didn't care, he wanted Dan to give him the blade before he hurt himself even more.

Phil tried one last time. He leaned forward and managed to grab the now red blade.

"Crap"

"Yh.. Crap.. Dan what the hell do you think your doing."

"I'm cutting myself... what else would I be doing?"

"Shut up Dan! Why do you do this to yourself? Huh. You promise me Time and time again that you won't do it and in the end ,I find you hurting yourself! It's not fair! On either of us. I'm sorry Dan but it puts too much stress on me and it's pushing us further apart! You either stop this or lose me. Your choice"
Phils voice was wobbling like he was about to burst into tears.

"You wouldn't leave me... you've told me that. You don't understand Phil... I don't just do it for attention... it's my only escape.. and you keep saving me... I never told you to!"

"Why do you think I try to save you"

"I don't know."

"Because I care"

" good for you."

" your so selfish.. I need some space.."

Phil ran out of the bathroom, flung on his coat and grabbed his keys.

"I'll come back in a bit"

"No don't leave.. I'm sorry Phil please don't leave me"

Phil couldn't stand this anymore.

"I'll see you later Dan. We need space."

"N..no we don't... please.. look we can put on some tv and snuggle up to each other.. take off your coat.. come on Phil!"
Dan went over to take off Phils coat.

"I've told you Dan. I need some space"

"I'll go into my room. I'll give you space. Don't leave me"

"Bye Dan."

Slam.

Phil wasn't going to go any where. He knew what Dan was capable of so he just stayed outside the door of their apartment for 10 minutes, then he could hear everything that went on.

Crying. Phils name. Crying. Apologies. Crying.

Why did Dan do this to himself?