~~I'm addicted to you~~

I'm tooooo warmmmm. My British ass can't cope with this hot weather!

~suicide mentions. Self harm mentions. Blood. Cuts. And all that crap~

I woke up to a text.

•Louise✨•
Hey Dan. Just wanted to let you know that the meet and greet went well today... your fans were very disappointed though. We are definitely going to have to make it up to them but don't worry about that now. How's Phil? We are staying here for another day as it's cheaper to fly back then than today. Darcy's going Disney land so I'll send you some pics soon xx text me back when you can.

It's just gone half three. Phil was still asleep. I need some time to think. Away from everyone else. I hate myself for what I did last night. He's definitely going to leave me now. What have I done?

I got up and slowly shifted Phil so he was lying down on a pillow then I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote Phil a message.

Hey Phil,
Sorry for last night. You can hate me now. If you want to leave go ahead I'll understand.. I'm such a dick.. I've gone out for a while if you care.. don't worry I'll be back soon. Do whatever. I'm sorry... I need some time to think before this all goes terribly wrong.
Stay safe.

That should do it. I grabbed my keys and went out the door.

London was so quiet. Like the night it happened. Before I nearly lost him. Maybe I should go... maybe Phils scared to upset me... he doesn't like upsetting people so that's why he hasn't left.

I got to a small park. It was dark but I knew it was familiar. This was where Phil and I took a bunch of derpy photos on my phone. Those were the good old days. I thought he liked me back. Then again, why the hell would someone love a depressed loner who can't stop themself from self harming and gets jealous way too easily? Exactly! No one.

I pulled out my phone and looked at the photos, tears streaming down my face. I had to mess it up didn't I. Best friends don't kiss each other, Or sleep in the same bed cuddling all night. I bet Phil hates it. He just doesn't want to be rude.

A stranger snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Ey you! What are you doing out and alone at this time of the morning!"

Then he came closer with his friends following behind him.

"Hang on a second... your that faggot that my little sister watches... your gay arnt you! Your fricken gay!"

I stared at the guys in horror,they were way to close for comfort.

"You heard my mate.. your gay arnt you? Fucking disgusting! You don't even belong on this earth! You should go kill yourself and leave your boyfriend to get a girl!"

"I'm not g-gay... and Phil isn't my boyfriend... he's just a friend" I choked.

I turned around and ran off with the
guys running up behind me. They were going to beat me up and I couldn't do anything about it. Just like my high school days. Let people kick the crap out of me for being gay.

I stopped and looked at the time.
4:30.

"Don't carry on running! You'll make it worse for yourself."

"Why are you following me? And why are you saying gay as if it's some sin?!"

"We want to show you that being 'gay' is wrong. And after we have done that you'll learn!"

One of the men grabbed me by the shirt and pushed me into his friends, each taking turns to punch and kick at me until I was covered in bruises and blood.

"Don't make me find you again mate! Else there will be harsh consequences"

I didn't say much. Just nodded which hurt my neck a lot.

I looked at my phone which now had a cracked screen.

• 1 new message •

I clicked on it to see Phil had text me. It was ten to five in the morning.. why was Phil awake?

Dan where are you? I woke up and went around the house looking for you and then found your note. Don't hurt yourself... I want you to come back.. I miss you a little bit.. don't be sorry. We can talk about it when you come home if you want. Please come back.. I'm worried.

I felt a pang of guilt form into my stomach. How could I be so selfish? Leaving Phil in the house with no explanation apart from a small, shitty note. I couldn't go back now. Not in the state that I'm in. All my body ached and it was hard to even stand up.

I went into the nearest mc Donald's to clean myself up a little bit.

I ran into the toilets with my head held low, luckily no one noticed me.

My cheeks were scratched, my lip was cut, my eyes were bruised and my arms and hands were also full of cuts and big bruises. I heard someone coming so I hid into one of the cubicles as it's not nice to see someone in the horrific state that I'm in.

I looked down at my self harm cuts... they were now open and dripping with blood. What did I do to deserve this? What if I see them again?

I decided to stay hidden in the mc Donald's toilets for another hour and a half.. just so it's light and if anything does happen,there might be witnesses.

And then I got another text from Phil.

Phil 🦁
Dan I'm really worried. Come back. Have you hurt yourself? I'm scared. If you don't come back I'll hurt myself too. :(

I couldn't let Phil hurt himself so I texted him back.

Don't you even think about hurting yourself. I told you, I'll be back soon. Don't worry philly I'm ok.

Phil 🦁
When's soon ? I want you to come back now. Please Dan... please. Come back before we both regret it.

Phil you wouldn't dare

Phil 🦁
Would I ?

I'm coming back..don't you even think about it.

Phil 🦁
I won't.

If Phil said he was going to hurt himself if I didn't come back, I had to go home. I can't let him do it. How's he going to react? To the way I look?

Im on my way see you soon.