If only

It's been two months since the tsunami. Stuff is slowly getting back to normal. For starters, I've been seeing my son almost every day! Which has been amazing. Second thing I did. I moved back into my house and I got rid of the apartment I was in. And the last thing I did was I am taking break from work to heal but also spend time with my son who I haven't seen in a year!

Also, taking a break seems really good because it gave me time to decide which team to go back to. I was offered a spot on the 118 when I'm ready to return to work. But I also have my spot on the 136 still! They said, I don't have to make a decision right away but they said whenever I'm ready to come back, I can choose which team. Which I don't know which one to do! go back to my family or do I go back to a team that is really starting to feel like family? I really don't know!

If I return to the 136 I won't get to see you my family every day but I also get to be with my friends from 136! Return to the 118, I'm with my family, but I'm not with my friends who I made over the year. And it also means I'll be with Eddie.

Speaking of Eddie, things are going good! The first three weeks of coming back I really didn't talk to him. I kind of ignored him because I was still hurt what he did but Carla was my contact to find out when I was getting to see my son. But after those three weeks, he came to my house and demanded to talk to me. Which I gave him five minutes, which turned into more! He did a whole thing on how he was sorry! I was like 10 minutes long. He said he was for everything and he was regretting it, he did a whole, sorry apology, how bad he felt, he even talked about how he felt during high school time. He told me that he had feelings for both me and Shannon back in high school and he didn't know what to do.

He told me his feelings for Shannon back in high school were more of a sibling, relationship feelings, and he didn't realize that until he started dating her. He didn't realize he only saw her as more of a sibling friendship until they start dating. And he knew he couldn't get back together with me because it was too late! I understood where he was coming from but he really hurt me back then. And I'm not ready to forgive him just yet.

But we are talking terms, more small, talking terms. I told him if he wants to be my friend again and for me to forgive him, he has to earn my trust! Which he wants to do, he told me he wants to be friends and maybe more than friends as he told me he still has feelings for me, and always did when he was with Shannon till now. I told him we can try to be friends but more than friends maybe but right now, I just can't! I don't trust him enough to be friends, or even in a relationship with him.

So, now his goal is to earn my trust! And he's already tried. The other day when he brought Christopher to my house, he brought my favorite coffee and he remembered my order. Because it's the same order from when I was in high school. It kinda made me smile, remind me of the time he used to bring me coffee every morning and we were back in high school. I miss those days, cuddling with him, wearing his hoodies! I wish Shannon never came along! Then we would probably still be together!

Speaking of Shannon, she passed away from an incident. Apparently she was hit by a car and died in an ambulance. Eddie told me it didn't affect him as they were already divorced and he lost all feelings for her after she filed for custody. He told me when he was done with her! So they divorced and apparently she gave him a hard time, but she ended up losing in the end. He told me the team was shocked that he was so strong and didn't feel anything and that's when they understand how he truly felt about about Shannon. That he didn't love her anymore.

But now I'm hoping for things to go back to normal! I hope!

"Mommy" Christopher calls from the other room. He stayed over last night and we got to do some thing he loves to do which is cuddles and watches favorite movie.