When Stars Collide With Hate

Chapter 28

Pagkatapos nun, we started eating our food and watched Abbot Elementary. After we ate, ay nakaupo lang kami sa sofa. Ginagawa ko iyong mga school activities tapos siya naman ay busy din sa school related stuff. Seems like our kind of date. Minsan... okay din pa lang sa condo lang basta kasama ko si Raphael.

"Sana ganito na lang tayo palagi. Ikaw at ako. Masaya lang. Walang iniisip at walang problema," I said as I rest my head on his shoulder. He halted and faced me. He gently touched my face. For some reason, I felt safe and secure.

He nodded his head. "I hope so, too," he said. "I wish for this moment to last longer."

I smiled. I fucking smiled because I don't want to end this moment. Gusto ko lagi lang kaming ganito araw-araw.

"Kumusta pala sa school?" biglang tanong ko.

I saw him, hesitated for a moment but decided to answer. "Honestly Julian, the school committee would like to talk to us," he replied.

"Alam ko naman pero... wala naman tayong maling ginawa," I reasoned out.

"I know," Raphael stated, trying to convince me. "But you're a student and I'm a professor."

I frowned. I know at some point that what we did was wrong but—masama bang magmahal? All I did was to love... it was wrong but he always makes us feel right. Bakit ba sobrang komplikado ng mga bagay? Bakit ba sobrang hirap ng sitwasyon namin?

"Kelan daw tayo kakausapin?" I asked again because I need to prepare myself. I need to make sure that everything will be fine.

"Bukas daw," he quickly replied.

I groaned. "Bukas?" I repeated. "Hindi ba pwedeng i-move?"

"Julian... isang linggo ka ng hindi pumapasok."

"I know—natatakot lang ako. Natatakot akong mawala ka sa akin. Tangina, natatakot ako para sa atin."

He held both my hands and looked at me. "Listen, don't be scared. I'm here, okay?" he said, assuring me. "I promise, you will never lose me."

I hugged him. I hugged Raphael enough to make him feel how much I like him. I want us to stay like this—forever if we could.

* * *

I woke up feeling kind of great. It felt like what happened last night was a fever dream. It was like calm before the storm. Wala na si Raphael sa tabi ko nang magising ako. I was about to get up ng may nakita akong note sa tabi ng kama ko. Binuklat ko iyon at binasa.

'Nauna na ako sa school. Hindi na kita ginising dahil ang sarap ng tulog mo. Tulo pa ang laway mo. Hahahaha. Go to my office once you arrive. I'll wait for you and we'll go together.'

Napatawa naman ako sa note niya. Kinakabahan ako pero nabawasan naman kahit kaunti. Kahit ayokong pumasok ay pinilit ko iyong sarili ko na bumangon at mag-ready. After I was done, I booked a grab and went to school.

Nang makarating ako sa school ay ramdam ko iyong mga tingin ng mga estudyante sa akin. Akala ko ay makakalimutan na nila... pero kahit isang linggo na ay hindi pa rin nawawala 'yung issue. Kita ko kung paano nila ako husgahan—yung mga tingin nila na para bang sobrang laki ng kasalanang nagawa ko na deserve kong ma death penalty.

Fuck. Gusto ko na lang umuwi. Pero ayoko na isipin ni Raphael na iniwan ko siya sa ere. I just put my airpods on saka naglakad ulit. Sabi nga ni Prita 'dedma sa bashers.'

"Bakla!"

Napatingin naman ako sa aking likod. Si Prita at Shaira. My support system. Sila lang 'yung mga taong never ako hinusgahan. Sobrang salamat sa kanila.

"Sup," bati ko sa kanila.

"Ikaw ang kumusta?" tanong ni Shaira.

"Not okay," sabi ko pa. "Pero walang choice."

"Hayaan mo sila! Mga inggit lang sila dahil wala silang Raphael, katulad mo," tawa tawang sabi ni Prita.

"Gago," natatawa ko ring sabi. Niyakap ko silang dalawa. Hindi ako sweet na tao pero ngayon ay pakiramdam ko ay kailangan ko. "Salamat. Maraming salamat dahil hindi niyo ako hinusgahan."

"Drama mo, teh," sabi ni Prita habang nakayakap din sa akin. "What are friends, too."

"What are friends for kaya 'yun," pagtatama ko sa kanya.

"Ganun na din 'yun! Ate chonang 'to," sagot ni Prita habang nakataas ang kilay.

"True stone, atehcoh," dagdag pa ni Shaira.

"True stone?" I repeated.

"Julian, napasama ka lang kay Raphael nag-iba na humor mo?" takang tanong ni Shaira.

"True stone—totoo bato. Gets?" pag-singit ni Prita bago pa ako makasagot ulit. "Ano ka ngayon, bitch?"

I rolled my eyes. "Tangina mo talaga."

"Kumusta na pala si Mateo. Kumusta na 'yung kuya mo?" tanong ko para ibahin ang usapan saka lumingon kay Shaira habang naglalakad kami.

"Okay naman siya. Halatang heartbroken. Halos sa ospital na natutulog. Magiging okay din 'yun. Promise," sagot niya.

"Sorry..." sabi ko dahil hanggang ngayon tuwing naalala ko si Mateo ay nag-guilty pa rin ako. Sinisisi ko pa rin 'yung sarili ko dahil nasaktan ko siya. I was the reason he was hurt.

"Ano ka ba? Wala kang kasalanan. Mas mabuti na nga 'to dahil hindi mo siya pinaasa. Kesa naman pinatagal mo pa di ba?"

Tipid akong ngumiti. I didn't know what to say. Biglang sumikip ang dibdib ko. I really messed up. I fucking messed up...

"Isa pa, hindi ako galit sayo, okay? Kaya wag ka nang malungkot," she said assuring me.

I sighed. Mabuti na lang at hindi siya galit sa akin. Baka hindi ko rin kayanin kung pati kaibigan ko ay mawawala.

"Aww, alam niyo kung hindi lang bakla 'tong si Julian ay bagay kayong dalawa," sabi ni Prita.

Nagtawanan naman kami. Kahit paano ay nabawasan 'yung bigat sa dibdib ko. At least ngayon ay alam ko na may mga tunay talaga akong kaibigan na sasamahan ako sa aking ups and downs. I'm really glad and thankful I have them in my life.

After that, nagpaalam na ako at pumunta sa office ni Raphael. I entered his office. I saw him wearing a white polo and black slacks. His hair was pushed back and he's also wearing glasses.

"Ready ka na?" he asked as he saw me staring at him.

I nodded and smiled at him. I was fucking nervous, my hands were shaking but I leaned against him and held his hands hoping that we could make it through.