My Journey To Normality (Part 2)

Well that was a waste of everyone's time.
Last night I tried to kill myself again, the police stopped me and sectioned me under 136...Again. It's been like three weeks, a month since they last sectioned me. They took me to one of the mental health hospitals near by and at about one o'clock this afternoon I was assessed and sent home. They basically said that the voices in my head are down to anxiety and stress and that the suicide attempts and thoughts aren't concerning because they're a symptom for a mental disorder I'm already diagnosed with. So they've referred me back to the crisis team and that's it.

I'm frustrated, angry and disappointed with the mental health services. I'm not gonna talk to the crisis team because they're not gonna do anything, it's just something that looks good on paper if they're asked what they did to support me. I'm just gonna try again to kill myself tonight because I can't do this anymore. I can't deal with all of this anymore and I truly believe the best thing for me and everyone else is for me to leave this world permanently. Ironic thing is that if they had put me on a section two a month ago or even if they hadn't taken me off my section 136 from last night I'd still be in hospital right now. The police keep telling mental health services that I'm a risk to myself and not mentally capable and putting me on a section. The mental health teams keep saying I'm completely mentally capable and not a risk to myself and sending me home. Obviously I'm not gonna voluntarily stay in hospital for a period of time, but I don't think I should be able to make that decision if by choosing to go home I'm just gonna put myself in danger again. Nevermind I guess. If things had been different could they have stopped this? Probably, but choices were made and this is how it ended.

I'm sorry, I fought as hard as I could but in the end I was not strong enough.