My Journey To Normality (Part 2)

I just had a meeting with someone from the Crisis team about setting up a safety plan. I don't know how much of a plan we actually made, we spent the most part of two hours going back and forth on what support would help me. This is one of the most frustrating questions mental health professionals can ask you: "But what do you want us to do to help you?" Like, I don't know... Isn't that you're job? Thing is though, there isn't anything they can do. They put you on a waiting list but in the short term there really is very little anyone can do to keep you safe other than just keeping yourself safe. I had said to the team that assessed me Wednesday last week that I wanted more support while I was waiting for SCM. Every assessment I've had since then I've said the same thing. Today we argued about how effective having regular appointments with the team I'm under would be ;however he finally agreed that it was at least worth a try and better then nothing. He did make me promise that I was gonna fully cooperate, even when I feel like I don't need help I have to still go, it's important for me not to push people away when they're trying to help and important for them to see me on my best days, average days, exhausting day  and not just when I'm in crisis.

So when I see the doctor on Monday I have a few things to ask for now:
1. I want a date or at least a time frame for when my SCM is going to start.
2. To set a date with my team either every week or every other week to see them. To have support to fill the void till SCM.
3. Also to ask for a coordinated care provider to be appointed to me so that I have a relationship with someone that is there to look after me. Whether it's just taking me for coffee on my day off or making sure I'm eating well or someone I can tell when I'm getting really bad.

Hopefully this time both myself and the Mental Health services can work together to really make sure I can stay on the road of recovery. I know that myself and so many other people feel as if we just get written off, pushed away and in some cases are told we can only help ourselves. If you feel like that, if you feel at all let down by mental health services and don't feel like they are doing anything to help, you are not alone. Firstly, keep trying. Maybe the last person you saw couldn't help, or the last five, keep trying because someone will be able to help you and maybe it's the next people you reach out too. Secondly, keep pushing them. Demand help because you need it and you have every right to it and deserve it. Thirdly, don't feel as if you have to hurt yourself to make them see how much you need help, all you're achieving is harm to yourself. Deep down you don't want to die, you want your pain to stop. Harming yourself is a desperate cry for help when you think there is no one and no other way. I understand, I've been there done that, I nearly wasn't here because of that way if thinking. 

Please, if you're struggling with mental health reach out for help. If the first time fails try again and keep trying, keep pushing the teams you've already tried, but don't risk your own life. The last thing anyone wants is for someone to end up dead from suicide when it could of been prevented. There is help out there, recovery is possible, things do get better. All those things though take time and patience and they're hard work but you can achieve them all.