My Journey To Normality (Part 2)

I know this is obvious, but let me explain. Being a victim of abuse doesn't end after the abuse does and it's not the abuse that hurts the most. At least this hasn't been my experience. It doesn't matter what type of abuse you were a victim of or how it happened or who caused it. Doesn't matter if you went to the police or you didn't. Being abused leaves a permanent mark that will stay with you forever. Abuse changes you and changes your life, even if you've put it in your past nothing will ever change that fact that you will always be a victim of abuse. I know that sounds awful, but it's the harsh truth for a lot of people. Not to say that that's a bad thing, it can make you stronger, it doesn't have to stop you from achieving anything. It's not the end of your life.

It is hard. Most of the time for the person who abused you everything ended when the abuse stopped. However, for the victim it's harder to move on. You have the memories, flashbacks, panic attacks, fear, paranoia, distrust and the thought that you deserved to be hurt and will continue being hurt by everyone around you. Sometimes you wish that person that caused you to feel that way knew what it felt like, but they never will and it feels like no matter what happens to them it's not enough. Doesn't matter if they did pay for what they did to you, you're the one whose life will never be the same and so whatever punishment they receive is not enough.

For me the people who abused me don't even realise what they did, some of them even think that they were helping me. They think they were right to treat me and hurt me like that. They make everyone around them see it from their point of view so that I look like the bad guy. They will never know how much they hurt me. I want to tell them but I know there's no point, it will just lead to me being hurt again. I try to get away from them and put them in my past but I can't. I watch as they just get on with their lives with no consequence for what they did to me. I watch as they get past it as if it was nothing while I'm left traumatised. I'm miserable and having to live with those memories and it's killing me, it makes me feel like they've won. I can't just get over it like they did and because of how I've been effected it means I've let them win.

At least that's my experience of being a victim of abuse.