?This is a story based on true events about someone who is on their journey to recovery from mental illness. Their questioning of gender and sexuality. Going through relationships and break ups. Just an all about coming of age story of a person that...
It feels like I've been fighting to get help for my entire life. I don't remember a time where I wasn't dealing with symptoms of depression or other mental illnesses. My whole life has just been completely taken over by this mental health journey I'm on and it's taken so long that I had pretty much given up. Years of being turned down by so many services, told no one can help me, being bounced from team to team and put on every waiting list available. My hope in the mental health services faded and turned to anger and hopelessness that I would never get help and never recover. However things might be finally changing. FINALLY! Finally something is happening. It's not happening yet, but I can see help in the near future.
It is kinda annoying that for years nothing happen and now everything seems to be happening at once. My team leader training at work starts on the first of May, I have an appointment next week with my GP to do the referral for the gender clinic and at the end of the month I have an appointment to discuss the start of my SCM treatment. Nothing has started yet, but these are the first steps in the right direction. This is giving me the motivation to hang in there, to try and ignore the suicidal impulses. I'm hanging onto that cliff edge and I'm hoping this time that helping hand actually pulls me to safety, I don't think I could survive another fall.
Honestly I'm still trying to wrap my head around all of this. All I've ever wanted is help and I didn't think I'd get it. I'm amazed, excited, nervous and slightly disbelieving. It feels too good to be true and I'm just waiting for it to collapse, but I'm gonna focus on the positive. Like how my consultant is actually really nice. I met him today and he was really positive and reassuring. He had read all my notes so I didn't have to spend the hour going back over everything that has happened to me, which is something that always bothers me. Why take notes if you're just gonna make me repeat everything every time I see someone new? I'm gonna see him every month or so and he's gonna support me through this journey. I also told him that I'm transgender and currently getting referred to the gender clinic and he said as both teams work out of the same building and work closely together he'll support me with that as well. Plus when I start SCM he told me I'll have a care coordinator too, finally.
So it seems all that fighting and pushing the mental health services to do something has worked after all. Well I say that now because I'm feeling very hopeful and optimistic, we'll see where I am in a few months. I still have a long way too go.
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