Unfiltered // Loki x Reader

"Why does he mean so much to you?" Natasha asked, as the two of you sat on your bed. You stayed silent, looking through the open door from when she walked in. "He just... does." You shrugged, claiming not to know - while anyone could see that you clearly did. "Maybe letting it be said will help you to, finally, go and talk to him again," She said.

You sighed deeply, preparing yourself to re-live everything. "When the two of us were young, very young, we didn't know eachother." You started. "I... I was alone. I was very much alone, I didn't know who my parents were nor where they had gone. I spent too long sitting by myself in these wood sections on Asgard. I didn't, exactly, belong anywhere. For a small child, it's a lot to go through." You gulped, memories flooding back. "I went, days, weeks, months, on end by myself. I did speak to people, but small conversation meant nothing. I had no one I could smile to, no one that I could really enjoy myself around. I had no one. But, anyway, I was... old enough, and he came by. With Thor, of course - the two of them were passing by." You clenched your jaw a couple times for a moment. "Thor was speaking, at first. I was no one, all alone, and to have princes talking to you? It was a huge deal, but also heartwarming. I was incredibly shy, but they asked if I would like to join them. I accepted. But- But when Loki put out his hand, for me, only to help me up, I felt as if-" your eyes began to prick. "As if someone cared about me. Cared about my existence. I felt something other than loneliness and sadness, and it meant a lot. I can remember his child face so clearly, he still had his black hair, and those rich emerald eyes. I remember how I wanted to just look at them forever..." You wiped your eyes, removing sitting tears. Laughing sadly you carried on. "Time passed, and Thor was with other friends of his. Ones more... fitting for him and Loki, I guess. Loki never really went though. He often spent time with his mothe-r. But really, everything I know, all these tricks, are all because of him and Frigga. I am this way, because of him. He gave- He gave me... like... another opportunity at life, a better one." Your hand shook slightly as you held it to your mouth for a second, soon wiping away your sitting tears again. "As time went on, I felt as if I owed him everything. All of myself, my life, everything. And sometimes-" A tear escaped, letting others pour out uncontrollably after. "Sometimes I feel as if he doesn't realise what he did for me, how much I want to thank him. He's done so much for me, so I always try to throw myself at buses for him. Hoping he'd realise, or appreciate me trying to help. I get so embarrassed when I do something wrong, or hurt him, when he's done nothing bad to me-" You accidentally let out a cry, quickly covering your mouth. "I would do anything for him. I love being with him, he's so quiet about what he does and feels, but, when only I get to see it- I love him more than I thought I could. I feel special with him. Which is why, when he found everything out, about himself, I stuck with him. He felt so awful and alone, but he didn't let me help him like he helped me. When he finally came around, we were sent away from eachother. Then we finally get to see eachother again, after 5 whole years... and I just want to hug him so tightly and cry my eyes out until there's nothing left-" You put your hands to your forehead, looking down through your watery barrier. "I ju-"

Stopping you, Natasha slowly, but swiftly, put her arms around you and hugged you tightly. "I- I'm so sorry Y/N..." She muttered, "I didn't know it was like this." You nodded in her shoulder, shakily holding yourself tightly - as if it were a way to get you to stop crying.

Meanwhile, Loki stood by Thor's side. His straight face, that was slowly breaking, told a million lies as emotions filled him to the top. He felt sick in his stomach from the butterflies, but pain and regret, sadness, all at the same time. Thor looked to him, wondering what his next move was going to be.