Finding Myself

I hear heavy breathing .

It's my dad , he's like this day and night , I don't have any money to have a doctor to come look at him

we have 3 dollar's and 28 cents to be exact

" Dad .... Your gonna be ok , I love you dad and I'm here for you,ok"

I have not gone to school for the past week ,because I'm afraid when I come back home ,I'll find him not breathing

I want to find a way to heal him , I put cold cloths on his head , I can't feed him much , I rarely eat ,but if I find food ,like a bit of apple core ,or a half eaten sandwich I always bring it to him , but he can't even open his mouth ,and I'm to sad and stressed to eat anything, so we both are really skinny

I hear my dad moan and his breathing intensifies,

"Dad ,calm your breathing "

He just keeps staring in space ,breathing heavy and soon enough all is quiet

"Dad?  Dad!!!Daddy ?"
I yell his name over and over

I start crying, no this can't be the end

I lay there next to him and lay my head on his chest and hear nothing ,

No heart beat , no breathing ...nothing

"You knew I loved you daddy right ?"

I lay there crying on his chest

I was all alone .

No one cared about a orphan 15 year old girl living in a run down house with mold and rats and no one would call that a home ,but to her it was the only home she knew, all her memories were made here ,in this very place ,

As I lay there crying , I wondered if this was the life that I'm supposed to live ? Will I ever have someone to go to ,to hug again ,to feel loved ,will I ever eat again ?

Or will I just die in this very place my mom and dad died too ?

I cried myself to sleep and hoped that I will never wake up ....