Finding Myself

As I wake up ,I realize that I'm still sleeping on my dad ,his body wasn't warm as it once was , only cold and hard ,I get up and feel tears at the corners of my eyes

" I love you dad "

I decided at that moment I must have a funeral for him but I cannot lift him and I decided I'll have my own funeral right here , then I'll pack whatever I can find , if I have stuff to pack and I'll leave

I lay a shirt that we used as a blanket over his body and stand back ,

"James Harrison ,loving father and husband " I say aloud

Don't cry ,don't cry , I tell myself

"We did everything together, ate our feasts together, went to parks and walked our dog named Pepper , we even would go for drives in town to go get ice cream"

Those were all things I wished I had done with my dad , why was I telling myself lies ? Well because that's how I get through life and at this moment I don't wanna say ...

"We starved together,tried to stay warm together, took alot of hurtful things said to us ..together ,we did everything together", but I'm not about to say those things , I wanna say things that will remind me of happy thoughts when I think back on my last moments with my dad .

I cry alittle as I stand there

Then I get to packing , I found alittle bag I used when I would gather food , and I stuffed it with whatever I found useful ,like a shirt and my old old toothbrush , my money and a necklace I found on the road , and last but not least a picture ,a picture of my dad ,mom and I together smiling , I was only two at the time , that was before times were tough

And yes that's all the things I own

I look one last time at my dad ,

" I love you dad forever and ever ,you will always hold a special place in my heart "

And with that I walk through the doorway that had no door and head towards who knows where ....