The Regular Show X Reader

Dead at Eight

"Email?" Rigby asked. "Phone?" Death asked. "Fax." Mordecai said, and (Y/n) face palms. "All three naturally. Wanted to be thorough." Death said. "And you've had experience with paranormal children?" Death's wife asked. "Yeah. Pairs, one on one, all sorts of normal kids." Mordecai said. "Hey, so, where is the little guy anyway?" (Y/n) asked. "Oi, Thomas. Say hi to uncle Mordo, uncle Rigs and aunt (N/n)." Death said. "Come on Thomas." Thomas is seen babbling nearby.

"Come to mommy." Death's wife picks Thomas up. "You know, Thomas can be quite a handful. Make sure he's asleep when we get back. If he isn't, I'll be most disappointed in you. ALL of you." She said. "I will be disappointed also." Death makes MM get squished in the amulet. "Get it?!" Death and his wife walk out. "So, where is the reservation?" Death and his wife teleport into their car and drive off. "Oh, you know, that extra fancy, extra available place." Death said. "I can't believe this! You losers better know what you're doing! Do you even know how to get a kid to sleep?" Muscle Man asked. "Dude, no problem." (Y/n) said.

"Yeah, man, he's just a kid." Mordecai said. Later the quartet are in Thomas' room. "Okay little dude, time to go to sleep." (Y/n) said with a firm mother tone. "NO! I REFUSE." Thomas said, talking like an adult. "What the?" (Y/n) asked. "Wait, you can talk?" Rigby asked. "Of course I can. I am over 300 years old." Thomas said. "A baby that's over 3,000 years old? How does that work exactly?" (Y/n) asked, and Rigby shrugs. "Wait, do your parents know?" Mordecai asked. "NO! And let's keep it that way! I wanna ride this baby thing out for a little while longer, and before I slumber, I demand that we play." Thomas said. "You're demanding?

That's not how this works. You have to listen to US, we're the babysitters." (Y/n) said. "Come on (Y/n), maybe he'll listen to us more if we let him." Rigby said, and she sighs. "Fine..." the trio let Thomas play with a small scary-looking vacuum cleaner, and fiery sparks come out of it. Next, Rigby gives Thomas a black toy bunny which he chews up, spits out, and tears the stuffing out of. (Y/n), Mordecai, Rigby, and Thomas start playing with fake guns, Muscle Man not feeling amused. Thomas is later taken to a swing to play on, and he performs a fiery trick.

(Y/n), Mordecai and Rigby show some appreciation, though it later gets out of hand. "That was an excellent playtime." Thomas said. "Ok! Now, you need to go to sleep!" (Y/n) said. "In time, but right now, I hunger: for food!" Thomas said. "Aw, what?! But that wasn't part of the deal!" (Y/n) shouted. "She's right." Rigby said. "Food!" Thomas said, and she groans. "Ok. Let's see what we can find." Mordecai opens the fridge, which appears to have a magical green light. "Ok. Soul juice, goat's feet....augh, almond milk?" He finds something. "Oh, there it is." he pulls out a glass of milk and gives it to Thomas. "Here you go, Thomas. Warm milk." He said.

"Warm milk is," Thomas whacks the glass away. "Nothing to me! I want cookies!" He sucks cookies into his mouth. "I also love sugar!" He sucks sugar out of a bag in the cupboard. "It gives me power!" He starts bouncing around the kitchen. "Ugh! Are you kidding me?!" (Y/n) asked in frustration. "Ugh! You toolboxes are hopeless! You couldn't put a kid to bed to save your lives!" Muscle Man shouted.

"We're trying!" (Y/n) shouted. "Well, it's a good thing it's your life at stake then." Rigby shot back. "You shut your face! You're lucky I'm stuck in this ball!" Muscle Man shouted as he furiously begins banging the glass. The phone starts to ring. Mordecai goes to answer it. "Hello?" He asked. "Dinner went magnificently. We're coming back now, and if Thomas isn't asleep, Muscle Man will be a permanent part of my wife's jewelry collection!" Death hangs up and Mordecai gasps. "They're on their way home." He shouted. "What?!" (Y/n) shouted.

"What do we do?!" Rigby asked. "You get up there and put that kid to bed, or I'll haunt you turds for the rest of your lives!" (Y/n), Mordecai and Rigby are seen walking around, trying to find Thomas. "Thomas?" Mordecai asked. "Thomas!" Rigby shouted. "Thomas, where are you? Time for bed!" (Y/n) shouted. They enter a room where Thomas is moving around. "Bad Thomas! Bad! You get down from there this instant mister!" (Y/n) demanded. "You promised you'd go to bed after you ate!" Rigby shouted. "Dad always reads me a story before bed." He drops down onto the floor. "Regale me with a story." He said. "Ugh, fine!" (Y/n) grabs a book off the shelf.