The Regular Show X Reader

Lift With Your Back

"Reference this! I'm gonna go out and get a job, and I'm gonna make money at that job. And that money's gonna come in the form of a check. And that check's gonna be in an envelope, and the envelope's gonna be sealed, and I'm gonna rub that sealed envelope all up in your face, Mordecai! PEACE!" Rigby makes a raspberry noise from the park all the way to the Local Temp Agency. "Do you have any openings for someone who wants to rub something in his friend's face?" Rigby asked.

"Oh sure, we have a variety of positions for anyone with a college diploma." The lady said. "I never went to college." Rigby said. The lady puts away some documents. "Well there's still some for high school graduates." She said. "I never graduated high school." Rigby said. The lady puts away a large stack of documents again. "Well, as long as you have a driver's license." Rigby remains silent. The woman puts away the last stack of documents. "Well...there is this one....." She said. "As long as I'm getting a paycheck I'm doing it!" Rigby said.

"Alright." She gives Rigby a card. "Hmmmm....." Rigby looks at the "Lift with your back" card. He goes to the Lift With Your Back Co. "The name's Manny, this here's my moving company, I built it with my back up! We got everything you need here. Cardboard boxes, packing peanuts, packing tape..... Turn around." Manny said. "What?" Rigby asked. Manny twirls his finger, and Rigby turns around, showing his single butt cheek.  "Hmmm.... you only got one butt cheek, you don't have much of a back on you. But we need as many backs as we can get for this next job." Manny said.

"Okay? What should I do?" Rigby asked. "Just load up on the back of that truck with the other flunkies." Rigby enters the back of the truck, one of the guys closes the back. "Alright you crum-bums! We got a seven bedroom doghouse we gotta move in an hour! I don't want to hear any of your backtalk out of you backblisters, or you're back on the street! Now keep up the good work! I respect the heck out of ya!" Manny said. Rigby lifts one of the boxes. "Whoa there in your back! What do you think you're doing? You gotta lift with your back!" Manny said. "What? Really?" Rigby asked. "We are called "Lift with your back" for a reason. Are you trying to ruin my brand? Let me show you how it's done kid." Manny removes his shirt and lifts the box, revealing a six pack on his back. "Eughhh! uhh...." Rigby sees other workers, they too have abs on their back.

"You want that paycheck? Lift with your back!" Manny said. "Uhhh...." Rigby lifts a box and walks at the front door. "C'mon what are you doing kid? Don't use the front door! Use the back door!" Manny said. " But it's twice as far!" Rigby said. "What are you trying to ruin my brand? Get back there!" Rigby grumbles, and then lifts the box and walks to the back door. "Hm. That kid's got heart."

At night, Rigby tiredly walks towards his bed, and lies his head on it. "Oh, there you are! I knew you were faking earlier. (Y/n)'s been looking everywhere for you, dude," Mordecai said. "She has? Oh... I'll talk to her later. Does this look like the back of a faker?" Rigby shows his back, and Mordecai ignores him. "Look, I need you and (Y/n) to cover for me again. Anna''s half birthday party is tomorrow and it's pretty important." Mordecai said. "What? Are you serious?!" Rigby asked. "Yeah, C'mon man! You slacked off your whole life! Can I just have this?" Mordecai said.

"No! You have things all the time! Player 1, the bed, punchies, a diploma, a girlfriend?!" Rigby asked. "Oh Jeez, is this what this is about? It's not my fault you're still too much of a coward to ask (Y/n) out!" Mordecai said. There was a long silence after that. 'Fuck...' Mordecai thought to himself. He knew he messed up with that one. "Look Rigby I-" "you're hardly one to talk! It took you as long as it took me just to tell her you love her! And you still do, don't you? In fact, I know that's why you're dating her sister! Because you know that (Y/n) will NEVER love you the way you love her so her sister is and will be the closest thing to (Y/n) you'll ever get!"

Rigby shouted furiously. There was more long silence after that. Probably Mordecai fully taking in what Rigby said. Mordecai sighs. "You're right, I do still love her. But I'm over her, Rigby. She made it clear that she doesn't like us. At least, she doesn't like me. Thomas on the other hand..." Mordecai said. "Ha! YOU'RE over (Y/n)? Allow me to put on my "skepticals." Rigby makes circles around his eyes with his fingers. "Whooop!" Rigby said. "I've moved on, Rigby. Okay?" Mordecai asked. "Fine, but this isn't just about her, she and I have helped you with a lot! And you never even thanked us!" Rigby shouted. "Of course I did! I think I did?" Mordecai said. "4 days Mordecai, 4 days till I rub that paycheck all up in your sorry face!" Rigby shouted.