The Heartbreak Factor - Part Four

“Night, night princess,” I smiled to Katy, tucking her into her cot as she slowly fell asleep, clutching onto her teddy as her eyes flickered.

Quietly creeping out of her bedroom, I shut the door behind me and continued to walk across the corridor and down the stairs. Walking into the lounge, George smiled up at me from the television screen as I sat down on the sofa beside him. 

“She was out like a light,” I laughed.

“Good,” George paused. “I think we should talk.”

“Talk?” I asked.

“We’re not just some teen love now,” he explained. “I think it’s time you told me everything about your past and childhood.”

I hesitated for a moment, looking at George before turning to look at the television screen. “What episode is it?” I asked, trying to defer the conversation. 

“No,” George said adamantly. “We’ve been putting this to the side for too long now. We’re married now so I think it’s time you told me. I’m here to support you and understand you, Sammy. Not judge you.”

I reluctantly nodded as he switched the television off. I could feel his eyes watching me as I looked down at the pattern of the rug on the floor in front of us. I didn’t know where to begin, and if I knew how to begin, I didn’t know how to say what I wanted to say. 

“Just start from the very beginning,” he smiled, taking hold of my hand.

I took a deep breath and looked at him with a half-hearted smile across my face. I had been dreading this since the moment I knew things were getting serious between us. I knew it was going to happen at some point but I was putting it off for as long as possible.

“I think my earliest and fondest memory that I can remember clearly is the final week of my summer holiday before I started year two at primary school,” I began. “Mum and dad took me to the seaside for the week on holiday. We’d rented a little chalet in Dorset and spent every waking moment of the days either at the beach or having barbecues outside. I remember the chalet had this little barbecue area with a picnic table and I got all my teddies every picnic and we’d all sit there and have a teddy bears picnic.” 

I looked at George as he sat opposite me, listening to every word I said. 

“On our last morning there before we travelled back home that afternoon, dad took me to the beach while mum stayed at the chalet packing our stuff up. Dad thought it’d be funny to let me paddle about the shore whilst he went to find twigs so we could attempt to make a raft. I got freaked out because I thought a crab had just walked past me so I screamed and dad came running back,” I smiled, remembering the day so clearly. “He just dropped all the twigs and sticks that he’d spent forever collecting on the floor and ran into the water, scooping me up with his strong arms and carrying me onto the sand, making sure I was okay.”

George smiled at me, squeezing my hand gently as he noticed a tear rolling down my cheek.

“That was the last time I properly felt safe for the next few years.. That was the last time I properly saw my dad.. That was the last memory I had of my dad alive..” I paused, taking another deep breath. “When I found out dad had died, I didn’t really understand that I’d never see him ever again. I still thought that he’d be at the school gates to pick me up on the last day of term, like he always did. Every last day of term I’d run out of the classroom and be gutted when he wasn’t there. It was only until year five that I fully understood that I’d never see him again. It took me three entire years to realise that I was never going to see him ever again. It never felt real. I suppose it was just my sub-conscious' way of making me feel better as I thought it was just some game my mum was playing with me."