The Heartbreak Factor - Part Four

Sitting up in my hospital bed, I looked out the window at the darkness of the sky. It was 5am and hadn’t stopped snowing all night. Getting out of the bed, I hobbled across the floor in bare feet and stood beside the window, looking out at all the untouched snow that created a blanket of white on the ground. Everything was so quiet. The only sound there was was the bleeping of my machine that always beeped and the laughter of a few friends as they walked past the hospital on their way home after a night out in London. 

Looking up at the clock that was hung above the door to the corridor, I sighed. I’d been awake since 8am the previous morning. I’d spent most of the day sat in the seat beside my baby’s incubator, praying that he would be okay. George brought Katy to visit me again but she was still tired from Christmas the day before so they had to leave not long after they got here. Chloe was planning to visit but Josh needed to go somewhere so she had to look after Joel. Mum and Michael were visiting Kate and Jonathan in France so they couldn’t come visit us. They sent their love though. 

Putting on my slippers and dressing gown, I took hold of the teddy that was propped against a bouquet of flowers that my record label had got delivered to me and began the walk down to the baby unit. 

“It looks like your mummy is awake too,” the midwife smiled to me as I walked through the door. 

I peered into the incubator with a smile on my face to see my baby son staring back up at me. “How is he doing?” I asked. 

“He’s doing really well, Sammy,” the midwife explained. “He’s responding really well and looks like he’s getting stronger every minute.”

I beamed down to admire my son. “Good boy.”

Settling back down into the chair that had seemed to become my home over the past week, my eyes fixed themselves onto my son and I smiled at him, watching him as he attempted to kick his legs. 

“He’s doing unbelievably well.”

“Do you know how long it will be until I can take him home?” I asked, waiting anxiously for a response. 

The midwife looked at me sympathetically before looking down at my son. “I’m not sure to be honest. He’s doing really well, but he’s still really small and can’t entirely breathe independently yet,” the midwife began. “It won’t be as long as we initially thought, but it still could be a few weeks yet. We need to make sure he’s developing properly and there isn’t any damage with the premature birth.”

I nodded. I didn’t really understand it all - the only thing I really wanted to hear was how long I would be able to have my baby at home with me. 

Relaxing back into the chair, I kept my eyes on my baby, watching his chest sink up and down as he slowly began to relax. 

“See that?” the midwife smiled. “He knows you’re nearby so he can go to sleep now. All babies are more relaxed when they know their mummy is nearby.”

I smiled as I yawned. 

“You can sleep in the chair if you want to. If it makes you feel better knowing he’s close. I don’t mind, as long as you don’t snore too much,” the midwife joked. 

“Thank-you.”

I wasn’t intending on falling asleep. I just wanted to stay awake all night - or what was left of it anyway - and watch my baby get stronger and stronger. But as I rested my head on the back of the chair, my eyes got heavier and heavier. As I slowly drifted off, my baby slowly drifted off. 

*

Gradually opening my eyes, I looked around the room. It was quite strange to wake up in the baby unit. It took me a few moments to realise where I was before I sat up properly in the chair. A smile instantly hit my face once my eyes caught sight of my baby son silently asleep in the incubator beside me. The midwife must have moved him to be closer to me whilst I slept since I didn’t remember the incubator being so close to me when I fell asleep.