The Heartbreak Factor - Part Four

Chapter Eighty-One.

“I’m so proud of you,” I gushed, smiling at him as he scoffed at my tears. “I know it’s a very ‘mum’ thing to say and I say it to you all the time but I really mean it. You’ve made me the proudest I could ever be.” I paused as I looked at my two girls who were sat beside where I was stood on the sofa in the graduation hall’s lobby. “All three of you have.”

“Mum, stop blubbering,” Katy joked, putting her hand on my hand in a supportive manner. “We’re still your babies.”

“I know you are,” I grinned. “You always will be. Even after I’m gone and you yourselves are dribbling in a rocking chair at the local nursing home, you’ll still be my babies. You’ll still be those three helpless babies who I held the moment you were all born and cradled you until the nurse had to prise you all from my exhausted fingers so I could get some rest. I love you all more and more each and every day.” 

“Dad. Mum’s going to blubber through the ceremony.”

*

The feeling of tenderness and soreness from the operation was nothing in comparison to the heartache I was going through. I knew something wasn’t right. I could feel it in my heart. The doctors wouldn’t tell me anything yet. George was sat silently beside my bed and even he wouldn’t tell me anything. He kept saying he didn’t know what was going on, but I knew he knew something. The way he looked down at the floor with an impassive stare told me differently to what he was saying himself. 

Every time the doctor or nurse would rush past the ward in the hospital corridor outside, I’d shout after them with every bit of energy I had left in my body but it was no use. Nobody could tell us anything. I had never been so in the dark before of anything. I hated it. 

*

Gently wiping away the tear that was trickling down my cheek, George chuckled at me as he looked down at me in his brand new suit. He looked ever so handsome. A few wrinkles had appeared on his still gorgeous face but he still looked the same way he did on our wedding day nearly thirty years ago to the day. His hand graced my cheek as he wrapped his other arm around me, pulling me in closer for a cuddle. 

“You’re such a softie,” he grinned, kissing my forehead softly. 

“Can you blame me?” I sobbed. “Our youngest daughter is getting married. Married, can you believe that? It’s not just some high school fling that’ll end in heartbreak because he held hands with another girl at the school disco. She’s getting married and soon enough they’ll be having kids and their kids will be having kids and then their kids will be having kids.. They’re all grown up now, George. They won’t need us for much longer.” 

“Sammy, they will always need us,” George smiled. “You still need your mum, don’t you?”

I nodded. 

“Exactly,” George insisted. “They will always need us, Sammy. Parenthood is for life - not just until they’re married off to somebody else.”

*

Sat staring into space in the hospital bed, I knew something wasn’t right. Placing my hand onto my stomach, I looked down and sighed. Something just wasn’t the same. The only thing keeping me company as I was alone in the hospital room was my thoughts. I couldn’t help but smile endlessly at the images of the twins growing up. Regardless of the fact we had already been told that we were expecting one girl and one boy, I had already decided that they were gonna have matching outfits for every day until they turned 18 - maybe not both in dresses, unless they both wanted to, but coordinating patterns and colours for definite. No matter what they decided to do in life, I would love them both so much. Them two, Katy and George were my world. Nothing could take that away from me. Nobody could take that away from me. 

Well, that’s what I thought until the doctor returned back to the room and looked at me with an emotionless look on his face before flicking through the scan photos he had in his medical folder - presumably my medical record. 

“What is it?” I asked. “Is everything okay?” 

“Are they okay?” George asked. 

“Please, just tell us. Are our babies okay?” I pleaded. 

The doctor took a sympathetic look at me and it was in that moment that I knew they weren’t okay. 

“I’m so sorry,” the doctor paused. “I’m sorry. We did everything we could but one of the babies’ weren’t strong enough and didn’t make it.”

My heart sunk. It didn’t even sink. It just broke. George grabbed hold of my hand and squeezed it as tightly as possible but I pulled my hand from his grip. I didn’t want to be touched. I didn’t want to be held. I didn’t want to be told everything was going to be okay. It wasn’t going to be okay. This was the second time that we had lost something so special to us. Why was it happening to us again? After everything we had been through with the first baby, why now? Why again? Why was I so happy just hours before but now my entire world had crumbled around me? I wasn’t sad. I was angry. I was so angry at the world.