Strings of Fate

Tuesday — 6:59 AM

Slightly overcast ang langit pero walang ulan. I was walking papunta sa favorite naming tambayan ni Atasha sa may likod ng senior building—‘yung bench malapit sa gym, tago pero tanaw ang buong campus grounds. Dito kami madalas mag-stay kapag sobrang aga pa para pumasok sa kaniya-kaniyang classroom. Pareho kaming maaga palagi, pero hindi dahil masipag kami—nasanay lang kami sa tahimik na umaga.

Ako, naka-uniform pa rin, untucked ang blouse ko habang bitbit ‘yung coffee ko from the nearby kiosk. Atasha was already there, scrolling on her phone. Napansin kong naka-pulled back ‘yung hair niya today, at may dala siyang bagong tumbler na may sticker ng “you’re doing great, sweetie.”

“Coffee?” tanong ko habang inaabot ‘yung extra bottle ko.

“Akala mo ba hindi ako uminom kaninang 5 AM?” sabay ngisi niya.

Umupo ako sa tabi niya. Sa tagal naming magkaibigan, kabisado ko na ‘yung rhythm ng presence niya. She doesn’t talk immediately—she observes first. And now, she was observing me.

“You’ve been weird lately,” she said after a moment.

Napatingin ako sa kanya. “Wow. Good morning din.”

She raised a brow. “I’m serious.”

I looked away. “Baka ikaw lang nag-iisip niyan.”

“Eli,” she said flatly. “Don’t gaslight me. Hindi ako si Janice.”

Napatawa ako kahit pilit. “Wala naman akong ginagawa.”

“Exactly. Wala kang ginagawa. Which is weird. Kasi ikaw ‘yung tipong may comment kahit sa anong bagay. Pero these past few days? Ang tahimik mo kapag siya ang topic.”

Silence.

Atasha shifted to face me.

“I saw you. Kahapon. Sa hallway. Hindi ko alam kung nahulog ‘yung mata mo or ‘yung puso mo.”

“Hoy,” I said defensively, pero hindi ko siya matingnan sa mata.

She laughed. “Na-trigger ka agad.”

I sipped my coffee para may gawin ang bibig ko. Hindi siya umalis sa tingin niya.

“Eli,” she said, softer this time. “If you’re gonna lie to everyone, fine. But don’t lie to me.”

“Hindi ko alam kung ano ‘to,” I murmured.

Atasha smiled, leaning back. “You don’t have to.”

“Huh?”

She turned to me again, eyes gentle but sure. “You don’t have to define it. You just have to admit it.”

I swallowed hard. “Bakit ikaw pa nakapansin? Wala namang... wala namang nangyayari.”

“Eli,” she said, using the voice she reserves for truths I try to ignore. “Ikaw lang ang hindi nakakakita. Pero kaming mga nakapaligid sa’yo? Kitang-kita. Yung pag-iba ng boses mo when you say his name. Yung way mo mag-check ng phone mo na parang laging may hinihintay. Yung ‘Solene’ na pangalan? Galing sa kanya, ‘di ba?”

I blinked.

Slow.

Sharp.

Real.

“Paano mo—?”

“I’m not stupid,” she smirked. “And neither are you. You just don’t want to admit it. Kasi kapag inamin mo, may risk na masaktan ka.”

Silence again.

Tumigil ang mundo saglit. Tanging hangin at maagang gising na ibon lang ang naririnig ko. Atasha sat there beside me, looking so steady while I... I felt like crumbling.