Strings of Fate

Sunday afternoon, and here I am, sitting on the edge of my bed, staring at my phone screen. Parang hinihintay ko na maglabas ng sagot yung phone ko sa lahat ng tanong na naglalabasan sa utak ko. Sunlight is pouring through the window, and I can hear the faint hum of a jeepney passing by outside. Usually, hindi ako ganito ka-anxious, but today, feels like the universe is testing me. Yung hangin sa kwarto ko, parang masyadong mabigat, at it’s all because of Athena’s debut.

I’ve been planning this moment for weeks na, but hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa sure kung ready na ako. This is big—Athena’s 18th birthday, and I can’t help but feel like it’s the perfect opportunity to finally introduce Rhyler to my friends.

But the thing is… I haven’t told anyone yet. Wala ni isa. Not even Atasha. Not even my closest friends. Ang alam lang nila is that I’m “talking” to someone, pero wala silang idea kung sino, and they don’t know how serious it’s getting. I just brush off their questions with vague answers like “Basta, chill lang,” or “Baka soon, I’ll tell you.” Pero habang sinasabi ko yun, I feel like I’m lying. To them, and to myself.

I bite my lip as I stare at Rhyler’s name on my screen. He texted me a couple of times today, but I’ve been so caught up in my thoughts na hindi ko siya nireplyan. Dapat nga kanina pa, pero ang dami kong iniisip, and I’m scared to take that next step. He’s always been chill about this whole thing—never pushing me, giving me all the space I need. Pero ako, parang ang tagal ko nang nagdadalawang isip.

In a split second, I make up my mind. I swipe to my messages and tap on Rhyler’s name. My fingers hover over the keyboard for a second, parang hinihintay yung tamang words na lalabas. Feels like I’m walking on a tightrope, and every word that I type feels so... heavy.

“Hey, so... Athena’s debut is coming up. And... I was thinking... maybe you’d want to come with me? Like, as my plus one. If you're okay with it, of course.”

I take a deep breath after hitting send. Tinitingnan ko yung screen ko, parang nanonood ng pelikula. My stomach does a flip. My palms are sweating. Bakit ganito ako kabahan? It’s just a debut. Just a simple party with people we both know. Pero it’s more than that, right? This is me telling the world about us. This is where we stop pretending to be “just friends.”

Seconds later, my phone buzzes.

“Sure. No problem. I’m cool with it. I’m actually looking forward to it. It’ll be fun.”

Ang linis ng reply niya. Parang effortless lang. As always, Rhyler makes it sound like the simplest thing in the world, pero sa loob ko, ramdam ko yung bigat. This is a huge step, and I don’t know if I’m ready. Pero baka kaya ko na. Maybe, just maybe, that’s why I need to do this.

I stare at his message, rereading it a couple of times, trying to convince myself na “It’s happening, Eli. No more hiding.” I keep telling myself that, pero yung butterflies sa stomach ko, hindi mawala-wala.

I glance at my phone again and scroll through our group chat with Atasha. I see her asking me if I’m still seeing someone. Her messages are full of excitement, emojis everywhere, parang hinahanap na yung detalye. But I’ve been so careful not to spill the beans. Not yet. I don’t want to drop hints. I want to tell them all at once. No secrets. No lies.

I hesitate for a moment, then type a quick reply.

“Wag kang masyado magtanong, hehe. I’ll tell you soon, promise.”

I send it and immediately regret it. Dapat siguro sinabi ko na na si Rhyler na yun. But I’m still scared. Still scared of how everything will change once it’s out there.

I sit up and run a hand through my hair. Ang drama ko na. I can’t keep avoiding this. I can’t keep pretending like nothing’s happening when everything feels so big, so real. It’s time to stop hiding.