I'll Catch You When You Fall
Stress, damn stress. It had always did a number on Kadaj, it would hurt him because of his lack of knowledge on how to deal with it. He had to keep up his role as leader to his brothers, his facade was something he could hide behind well. But, late night like this, (Y/n) clinging to him, while he ranted. Nights like this, he wasn't himself. If his brothers could see him now, they would never see him the same.
Kadaj had millions of things on his mind, the safety of (Y/n) and his brothers. If anything happened to them, he could never forgive himself. Since there were people out there who had a hatred for him and what he was doing. It put (Y/n) and his brothers In the forefront. Thinking of things that could go wrong, drove him crazy. It caused him many sleepless nights.
"I can see your point of worry." (Y/n) would said, placing a hand on his shoulder, gently massaging. "But you forget one thing."
"What's that?" He would ask, doubtful that he didn't think of everything.
"Yazoo and Loz are amazing fighters. Even Cloud Strife couldn't even hit them, Reno and Rude either. They know how to keep themselves safe." (Y/n) said, making a point. Kadaj nodded, thinking of the last fights they had.
"Y-you're right." He said, shaking his head while he brought his hands up to his eyes. Feeling the weight of the stress bringing down his logical thinking.
The second thing that stressed him out was the guilt he felt for feeling stressed. Which was quite a dilemma. Because he would keep (Y/n) up all night, even to his dismay, talking about what was stressing him out. Then he would talk even longer, talking about why he felt guilty for stressing out.
"My love," (Y/n) started, bringing her lips to his. "I'm always here to talk. It's kinda in the job description of being in a relationship."
Kadaj smirked at this, he would place his hands on her hips, bringing her in for a much needed embrace.
"What am I going to do without you?" He asked her, she giggled at this.
"Crash? Burn?" She asked, teasingly.
"Sounds about right." Kadaj chuckled, he would then lay down, making sure to leave his arm out for her to lay on.
But, of course. Stress was something that never just went away, some days, it could be tackled and dealt with. But others...it can spiral into long nights of tears and panic attacks. Which had become more and more common for Kadaj. The stress of realizing that his mother would much rather have Sephiroth then him, just utterly destroyed him. Because it made him spiral.
What If Sephiroth took over? What would happen of Sephiroth got to (Y/n)? What if (Y/n) fell In love with Sephiroth? What if she preferred Sephiroth of him? What if she left him? Does she even love him? Has he been putting too much pressure on her? What if she would much rather have a man that wasn't so incomplete? Was he going to be a man with thirty cats and living alone? Did he even like cats?
Spiral....spiral....spiral....until it finally broke him down.
"I can't do this anymore, (Y/n)." He said, despair plaguing his voice. "This is killing me."
(Y/n) wouldn't say anything, she would let him get his steam out. Only chiming in when he brought up untrue statements.
"I feel so alone. Yazoo and Loz won't understand, they can't feel him." Kadaj spoke, his fingers becoming entangled with his hair. "I can feel him breathing down my neck, like he's waiting for me to finish the task. I hate him, and I don't even know him."
Kadaj paused, looking back at (Y/n). She nervously looked up at him, her hair framing her face. He shook his head, feeling the pressure turn into a headache.
"(Y/n), some days I don't feel like I'm worthy to be yours." He said, (Y/n) stood up.
"You know that's not true, Kadaj." (Y/n) said, walking towards him. But Kadaj paid no mind.
"I wonder if you'd be happier with Yazoo or Cloud." Kadaj stated, "Happier with someone who wasn't so...incomplete. Someone who could handle the stress, and won't fall apart."
"Kadaj-" But she was interrupted,
"I wonder if you'd be happier with Sephiroth, someone who was..Is a better person then I'll ever be." Kadaj said, feeling tears sting the side of his eyes. "Sephiroth could protect you better, he could-"
(Y/n) put her hand on Kadaj's mouth, stopping him from further speaking.
"Stop." She said, "Don't speak like that."
"But that's how I feel, I feel worthless. Unworthy." Kadaj turned away, feeling one, single tear fall from his eyes. "If I was stronger..if I kept it together. If I didn't fall apart..if I could cope with the pain"
Kadaj trailed off, feeling more tears leave his eyes.
(Y/n) threw her arms around him, her face pressed against his back. He resisted against her loving embrace for a moment, but eventually melting into it. Holding her arms that were wrapped around his chest, he then lowed down to the ground. His cries becoming louder, he could feel (Y/n) nuzzle her face into his back. She never hesitated to do this from him, never a complaint, never a second thought, she just did it. Dispite his constant thoughts of self doubt and lack of confidence, he could feel her. Her steady breathing, her warm embrace that was always welcoming. He loved her. More then anyone could imagine.
"Kadaj, I've chosen you and you alone." She said, gently. "I'm with you for the good times and the bad. I love you."
"I..I love you too." He stuttered, feeling his anger slowly drift into sleepiness. (Y/n) kissed the side of his head, know what he was feeling.
"Come on," She said, "Let's go lay down."
Not wanting to put up another fight, He got back on his feet, and followed her to the bed.
"You're quite a women." He stated, realizing that she was the only one who had ever seen him this venerable.
"I'm always here for you." She stated, kissing his hand. "Always."
