in an open relationship 2

We awkwardly sitting opposite each other eating sea food for dinner .

" Is the garlic alright?" He asks .

" Yeah " I reply not meeting his eyes .

He clears his throat " did you switch off your phone ?" .

" Huh ?" I look up , " yes why ?" I ask .

" your sister sent me a very threatening text an hour ago saying if you go missing she will emerge with the police at my door " he says unmoved .

I want to laugh but manage to stop myself ," oh , I'll call her later to let her know I'm okay " .

" That'll do " .

We fall back into silence , " is the maccan sauce okay ?" He asks again.

" Oh this , yea it's okay " .

After an hour we both lift from our chairs , I attempt to clear the dishes but he stops me ," no, I'll clean it up , go and rest tomorrow is your first day as our head accountant ,you are going to need all your energy" he says lamely picking up the dishes .

" Oh " I awkwardly look around ," good night then " I excuse myself heading straight to the guestroom.

" You are not going to our room?" , He stops me .

I turn ," well " I try to search for a reasonable explanation in my head " it feels like it's yours and Sarah's now regardless of the fact that she is no longer here " I answer honestly.

His face falls momentarily," oh , go on then " he turns around .

I carry on in my way , I breathe the moment I shut the door behind me , " don't think about it" I constantly meditate to stop myself from over thinking this whole thing .

" Let's just get to tomorrow" I cheer myself up.

I go straight to bed without calling Caitlyn, there's just too much on my mind , I'll pass by her shop on my way to work .

.....

The next morning. I open my eyes to find a tray of freshly made breakfast on the cupboard next to me .

" Snap out of it " I slap myself out of blushing.

Ethan is trying too hard it gets under my skin.

I dreamt about us as a family last night , we had a child, a girl if I'm not mistaken, nothing about that dream felt real , I knew even in it that it was but a fantasy.

I sigh ," what is my life turning into? " , I missed those days when I knew what to expect, I hate not knowing what tomorrow holds , I don't like confusion.

I'm not sure if I'm in that position to trust him like that yet, something feels a bit off , I take the plate ,head straight to the restroom and flush it down the toilet.

a loud knock startles me .

I straighten myself and try to act all natural , I put the plate back where it was and sit on the bed putting a fake smile on , " come in" .

He opens the door , his eyes first land on the plate before he looks at me .

" already?" He asks .

" Mhmm" I nod trying to keep my grin .

He studies me " you threw it away didn't you ?" He stares at the restroom door and sighs .

" No no no " I try to defend myself, "I really...".

"  no need to explain yourself" he dismisses me .

I pause unable to meet his eyes as the wave of guilt washes over me .